so, first off im happy today:) (but its night so that will change im sure.) but one thing is really annoying me and probably always will cause i will never understand what goes thru my friend’s mind.
he says his life will go dark without me (saying i die) cuz im his best friend and he has no one else..? ok cool. understand that. he says im amazig and the bestest friend ever? i dont believe it cuz i have proof im not: first, im not that nice i complain and get depressed and hes the ONLY one i talk to when i […]

Ever lived my life or spent on minute in my shoes? No! Well then please, tell me why you judge me like you do. Life is a dream upon which death awakens us… Not all dreams are good… not all dreams are bad… Do you want to wait for one’s death to understand or to care?

Each day everyone of us face many obstacles at almost every walk of life. Sometimes it’s hard to explain. We go through stress, anger, hurt and pain. There’s moments of sadness, frustration, and even depression. Sometimes we feel incredibly insane. Then there’s moments when some of us feel like giving […]

this world is fucked up,im so sick of people,why do these heartless bitches have to exist,you wake up in the best mood ever,then you run into some random ***** that has to make a comment or get rude with you,or a dirty ass fucking look,people are such assholes.what is the point of life?its hard as hell and theres an obstical everywere you turn,its so much eiser to be depressed than happy,cause you take one look at this world and it makes you want to vomit.atleast with me,speaking for myself,

Life is so impossible. I mean you look at other people, and their lives seem so great. But then I think about myself…I have nothing to live for. The feeling of worthlessness and feeling inadequate follows me everywhere.

Is it fated that I won’t be happy? All I really want is to be happy. I’m hung in a bad place, where I can’t get down from and the outlook is horrid.

I do not know how I make it through each an every day.  I am a survivor, I am strong.  I have been through enough to make some people cringe.  Lately though, the thoughts are returning and things have not been alright.  They have always been there, but I thought I had control over them.  I no longer do.  I have to have distractions constantly. What do you do when you don’t have a television or a computer? I have a passion for sketching, but that doesn’t take you far away, actually I am sketching things that happened the other night, which makes it worse. I […]

Here’s a little about me. I’m a girl. I’m 17.

I’m bipolar.

It’s hard living with it. I don’t take medication for personal reasons.

One thing I hate is when people say suicide is selfish. In a sense it is, but people say those words out of ignorance. Nobody knows what that person was feeling, how hard their life was, or their reasons.

Bipolar disorder causes me to do some really crazy (and generally dangerous) things. It’s an odd thing, because I do these things in a snap decision, and then afterward think  “that was stupid of me” – though I don’t think through the consequences at the time.

I’ve […]

Tonight is another one of those nights that I just really want to end my pain. It doesn’t help that it is gross outside… like gray and cold and shit. I am always affected by the weather… probably have that SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder thing.

I tried pulling myself out, by attempting to pretend that i am taking care of myself. I even bought groceries today, and I am chronic meal skipper. I got a haircut too, and I still feel the same. It is like I am trying to force myself to feel better, convince myself I am not a screw-up. Even though I know […]

I just cant see a reason to go on.

I have lost everything in the recession. I was lucky and found a new job in a new place. I found a job I loved. I was a respected professional. I was doing so well. Had my life back on track. I befriended a coworker. We were both in a new city and both new with the company.
I had a new home with a yard for my dogs. Slowly our friendship grew and we both helped each other to do amazing at our new jobs. I started […]

Last night i decide that im going to try to be happy and not let being depressed adn sucidial get to me:)

what I’m doing is…

I’m having sleeppovers more so that If i do haeva breakdown I most likely won’t do it in front of friends and then i won’t get sucidial thoughts in my brain
I’m going to try hareder in dance yes i did make the second line but im first line worthy adn i im pretty  sure my teacher nows that so im going to kick but on thursday!
im going to study harder i mean good grades won’t happen on there own!:)
 I’m also im […]

There are those that you trust & those that you enjoy spending time with right?

My friend is leaving the country for a long time. Happy for him, better life where his going anyways! I’ve helped him out when he had his huuuuge fallout with his ex, I was the “shoulder to cry on” friend. He was aaalways calling me his bestfriend, being appreciative about my existence and shared with me everything he thought I should know. ha sooo I could say I was pretty much his little treasure box, we were good friends! I didn’t see him more or less than a friend, sooo he […]

such assholes.  Either that or they’re just a disappointment.  Or they’re annoying. Ugh.  I am tired of ‘humanity.’

Drove my grandma and I to my grandpa’s grave today.

It’s been 8 years..

I lost the closet person I had..

I was the first grand child he help.

He called me his little girl.

We went camping together.

Called me his ole’ hoot owl(:

And his pookey(:

He was my world.

Looking into his eyes, I know I’d always be safe<3

But God took him away from me…Just when I was 9..

He had stage four, skin cancer.

I remember the purple spots all over his body..

And me […]

im happy BUT ONLY during the day..once evening through night hits im all for suicide…why? this is really annoyingXDX

I’m so tired of being alive. Everything is so pointless. Nothing matters. We’re just a tiny speck on a speck of a planet in a speck of a solar system in one tiny galaxy among trillions and trillions and trillions of galaxies.  Nothing makes a difference in the long run.

What happens right now will affect your life, but it won’t make a big difference. Sure, it might a few people, but what does that matter? We’re just numbers on a gravestone. My insignificant life doesn’t matter, but I should at least be happy, so I can enjoy it just a bit while I’m here. Right? […]

im in my room with a razor and a crap load of pills 🙁 my only thought which to do first.

um,i don’t know how to start this,i’ve never talked about my suicidal thoughts to anyone,ever,but i felt like you people can at least understand cause you’ve had it bad too. well,let’s start with family eh? my family,my father is a ***** who left me and my brothers with our mother for 10 years and now he wants me to get back with him. me and my brothers tried to forgive him for all that he’ve done through out all these years but he wouldn’t let us. it’s like he wants us to hate him but go with him,and leave my mother alone. i’m the one […]

Anyone who would like together together for a drink (or 10) to discuss how awful life is?

I’m not optimistic about the future. I think my life is already done. I know, or I think so, that I have skills and abilities. If I wanted to, I could do a lot of things, I could be anything: a genius, a hero, a loved one. Sometimes I feel like I were God, with all the possibilities and a whole life in front of me. And sometimes, I feel like a turtle: small, useless in most of the cases and always quiet and hiding. I know I’m not doing any of what I could do, just because I’m too stupid for doing it and, sincerely, too lazy. A […]

For the past year, I’ve been struggling with life. Attempted suicide, cut, people were made aware, my parents said I had “no reason” or I did it “to be cool”. They even told everybody that. Never even considered counseling or meds. Just acting like it never happened, they didn’t even give a fuck. I still cut, I’m still depressed, I think about suicide just about at least once a day. I’ve got help once, what’s the point in trying to get help again? It’ll end the same anyways. If I do permanently harm myself its not like anyone will care. Except my bestfriend. Besides her, […]