today my best friend told me in passing that her and her mother are worried that my friends niece is going to be “just as fucked up as me” if her father doesn’t get his shit together.

guess the people who  i considered my family think just as shitty of me as the rest of the world.

i started cutting again. i don’t know if i’m going to stop ever. unless i go that little bit to deep one day.

hell if i’m going to be so “fucked up” might as well live up to the expectations others have for me.

I dont know why I’m posting on here in the first place. I guess im hoping that maybe someone else is going through the same thing. Ive been fucked up since i was little when my dad would beat the shit out of me for not being athletic or preppy enough. Things just got worse when i went to highschool i was a scared little kid at 4’11 90 pounds. i was the perfect target. I was homeschooled all my life so i never understood social interactions, i fit in trash cans and lockers, and i couldn’t fight back. My only friends were the poetry […]

Well, I am.

I’m also very smart.

But mostly, I’m an idiot.

One of my biggest problems right now is that I don’t think anyone might like me once they get to know me, which is not so much about other people as it is my own self-perception. I already dislike myself; I dislike how I react (feel) to social situations, and I dislike the fact that I feel as if I have no ability to change that.

I dislike how sensitive I’ve grown over absolutely everything. I don’t know how I got this way, but I really don’t know how I could undo what’s already […]

They say you live to give to others but what if you’ve got no more to give? Hm…

That Girl Who You Thought Was Unbreakable , Broke. That Girl Who Always Laughed, Cried. That Girl Who Never Stopped Trying, Finally Gave Up. She Dropped Her Fake Smile As A Tear Rolled Down Her Cheek, And She Whispered To Herself

“I Cant Do This Anymore.” 

That Girl Is Me. I Act Like The Happiest Person On Earth At School. But Really I’m Depressed, Sad, Hurt, Confused, Lonely, Unloved, Judged, Misunderstood, Broken, And Dying Inside. 

Everyday My Depression Gets Worse.            I Wake Up Wanting To Kill Myself And Go To Bed Wondering Why I Didn’t.

My Bestfriend Is Suicidal And I Don’t Tell Her About My Depression […]

They tore me up

And they spit me out

And they squeezed my organs

And they fouled my name

And they smashed my heart against the chilly Earth

And they tried to tape it back together with their cheap corner store tape

And their false declarations

Of their false love

And false friendship

And false sincerity,

And they failed miserabley

And they Scarred My Heart.

I have classes all day and work all night. I need to be able to have my “alone time” when I get this way, but neither schedule will let up. It’s making everything worse and I’m panicking.

This league emerges from a broken war torn nation to entertain, bring together and give hope to the people of Afghanistan.

http://www.afghanpremierleague.com/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-19668215

Just great to see something positive happening in a place that’s always reported on with such a negative light.

i don’t understand how i can simultaneously crave companionship and flee social interaction.

locked in my bedroom,
ignoring texts and calls from my roommates,
my friends,
my sister,
my mom.

i don’t have the strength to read or respond.
i don’t have the strength to pick up the call.
i barely have strength to pull the blankets over my head,
yet i wish i wasn’t hiding under covers alone.

How does a person get rid of their social drive? That longing for companionship?

It’s kind of like sex drive. I’d like to kill that off, too.

I can’t deal anymore.
I moved almost two months ago and sitting here in my room the same as every night and day, except this time somethings different. I’m having flashes, and I look up at the wall where the lamp is shining down on the paint. Light blue, like the carpet nine years ago. I can’t do this anymore. Being alone all the time, having nobody to talk to and distract me from old memories. I feel this sensation in my gut, and this dragging feeling from my shoulders down to my palms. I took the first cut in sophomore year. And then it […]

i have so many regrets in life and so many thing i wish i could change to the point where it is eating away at me i wish i could go back in time and change my past…. like in that movie the butterfly effect….

I just had a breakdown.  I started breaking things and throwing them all over the place.  I had no control and this hasn’t happened for a long time.  I feel claustrophobic, I feel as if there isn’t enough room to breathe no matter where I go.  I have no motivation for anything, I don’t want anything.  I want to give/throw away everything I own and just be bare.  I wish I wasn’t such a coward and could find the perfect opportunity to end it.  I have been scarred growing up and my defense mechanism was to lock away my emotions and never let anyone in. […]

hi everyone

                         i want your comments about my life history. i was born in india and came to australia in 2007

        and i completed my studies in 2010. due to my reckless ness  i missed a chance to get ctizenship and i have to study again to stay in this  country till now  2013 . in the hole 5 years  i learnt so many   in my life some are good & some are bad. now my parents in my country want me to get married in my family my father and mother and one younger brother my father spend so much money on me before i came […]

I hate how people say your “too young” to be depressed.. You don’t know what they have been through, you have no rigth to judge them.

Nothing in this world makes sense. Is OCD my fault? They claim to care for me -my ‘family’ . I don’t think they do. Blady fakers. I’m unsuccessful, miserable and lost. Why can’t I just die? Or maybe i’m just crazy???

I just feel like nobody really gets me. I’m someone who will give anything just to make someone feel better. If that means losing sleep over a friend calling me crying about their problems then I’ll be happy to do that. But it becomes a routine that people take advantage of me and when it comes time for me to try to talk about my problems, I feel like nobody is interested. I lose friends all the time because of who I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore. After countless times getting screwed over in romantic relationships, I don’t feel like I’ll […]

four walls, Four plain white fucking walls. That’s all I see, Thats all I feel. I feel like I have no one. I go to bars, I go to school, it doesn’t matter. All I ever feel is the loneliness. I wish I could talk to god and tell him how much I hate him…..

Life ia funny isn’t it?…..I mean when you actually do? Live it or hide in dark room, alone? I mean look at life….today in school there was a anti-bully speaker and it made me want to kill myself even more……………Parents just lie to you and say “Its ok” but it isnt is?……………Parents say they love you, but you can just tell they hate you ad think you are a failure?……..You start dating and your bf/gf leaves you heartbroken?……….If this ist true am I just a loser?……….or am I a long ass rollercoaster that ist fun anymore………ps i am a 12 year old girl

Time is a treacherous thing. Destructive. An enchantress. Slowly killing you, while leaving you asking for more. Time does not cause the pain in your heart to fade. It sinks deep into your soul. Hiding. Festering. Waiting for the opportune moment to reemerge when it can do the most harm.Time allows you to become vulnerable again. It makes you think you’ll finally be okay.

Just when you relax again, when your walls begin to crumble, that’s when it happens. It’s like a gunshot in the night. You wake, breathless and confused. Looking down to see the blood seeping through your clothes. We never see it coming. […]