well, I’m new to this.. I guess I’ll start with my name.. my name is Brittany. I’m 14 & in the 9th grade. I’m bisexual & currently in a relationship.. I suffer from depression &  OCD.. um well It’s not much.. but it’s enough for now. I have to go to sleep now.. I have school in 4hours -.-

i am here if anyone needs to talk to someone.

Simply, I miss him. When he left he took the part of me that isn’t broken, The beautiful and happy Nat. But now that he’s gone.. I don’t know what I am. I’m not Nat anymore… I’m more like a mix of different Nats. I’m always different…

That whole little paragraph is incredabily self centered. Fuck my life…

So Nat, Let’s go to school.. And pretend like everything is okay. Don’t let people know what’s going on your head. It would probably just scare them anyways. Just count down the lessons, Hours, Minutes even seconds if you must.. Just gotta get to 3.05pm…

Ugh…I hate this world! I feel alienated from everything..I have no idea what I’ll

do in a world I deeply hate.I regret I was born in a world I don’t belong.

I used to come to this website a year ago, Im 19 years old and i have my struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. A year ago i was severely depressed and tried to kill myself numerous times. I found this website and would come and vent and seek out help, some of the kind words people would say to me, even the smallest things would make me feel better. i felt like i wasnt alone. Im sorry for all the people who feel sad, not good enough, and depressed. i know how you feel, your not alone. Today im doing so much better, im […]

my brother gets help, he screams that he wants to die and punches the wall and they put him on meds, pay attention to the meds and see if they’re working, give him anti-anxiety pills, send him to counseling, get him a psychiatrist, get him fixed, push and pull his brain until it doesn’t try to kill him everyday and all he does is hate us for it every day

years ago i said i wanted to die, i said it really quietly and my mom screamed that if she ever heard me say it again she would have me institutionalized

i want them all to think […]

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces everytime
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride

Before researching pretty much everything there is to know on this internet about suicide, I spent  6 months looking for an answer in multiple books and documentaries about the universe, existence, the after life and the so called God. I went from reading about all the famous philosophers to learning about every religion. Listened to Depak Chopra and other spiritualists…

It was when I stumbled across these near to death expiriences. That was my last finding. They were the most interesting out of all my findings. If you’re interested in the afterlife, there’s a lot for you to discover. There was sooo much beauty after death […]

Should i be scared?

Of death, or what comes after it. I just find myself asking all these questions trying to figure out where i go after here.I feel dead inside so whats the difference.

lately seems like it:/ even feels like my BEST FRIEND doesnt care anymore..oh wel nothing left to do but off myself now-_-

Where to start. I’m an 23 year old bedwetting virgin who lives in his parents’ basement. I’m fat and unmotivated, I’m extremely awkward, I have no social skills, and I haven’t had a girlfriend in over 8 years. Suicide has been a prevailing thought in the back of my mind for many years now. After a number of failures in different phases of life, I’m starting to wonder if my life will ever amount to anything.

why – a word that we use on a daily basis , a word that we use to ask people – why did you do that , yet it has so much more meaning if you are me – WHY ?!?!?! thats what they ask me , when i woke up after passing out on the floor of my church from pills , why would you do this why ? why? when my counsler asks why?  when people find out that i wanna die Why?  My mother asks me Why? why? ….. The  world asks me why? why do you wanna die – The awnser is simple […]

So, either I break up with my boyfriend, or my parents kick me out and (they own a business and I work for them) fire me, or… You know.

i am so fucking done i am done with the bull shit i am done with the lies i am done with being stuck in the middle i am just done i am done with the fights i am done loosing friends i am done with the broken hearts i am done with pretending i will always come out on top and stronger then i was before i  am done always faking a smile i am done telling myself that i can do everything and make threw anything because i really can’t and i am giving up

I don’t understand how I got here. I used to be so happy and nothing mattered. Growing up sucks. When I started feeling alone and sad, it was usually just there for a second and because of something that really was sad.but en I started to notice I would feel that way about little things like not getting something I want or  talking about someone sensitive. But then,  it came around way too often. I would sit in my bed and cry about nothing. Nothing at all . Just cry and cry and then when I couldn’t anymore’ I would be depressed for hours at […]

Like a scared rabbit i run. & run where is my sword where is my shield. Where is my horse. The end is nigh. And the three headed dragon want’s to eat me. Alone with the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
god why have you forsaken me. from every thing i hold dear heaven and earth. You can take my land you can take life. But you can never take my freedom. Upon this land upon my honor upon my sword. The wind blow’s in the night. The fight is lost. In to the darkness i run. Into the blackness of the night

some of you who read my posts may think this is about my bf? no were good now (5th time make up-_-) perhaps my sister? nah were getting along..sorta. if any would guess my dad? theyd be right.

dad:
WHY!
its like i have to get on my knees and beg for your approval of what i do…u trash talk my mom who is now becoming my best friend…u make me feel like worthless shit..u raise my sister above ur head like shes the princess. u bring up earlie i eat so much im ganna be the size of our 30ft tall 25ft wide house. the […]

It’s hard to be at home, when all my parents do lately is fight with eachother.  It’s usually about money or dad misinterpreting mom’s expressions into anger, and then becoming angry himself.  After which he tells her that she’s been angry lately, with an ‘I’m right’ tone, which she denies because she’s not, and then he keeps going at it.  I try and intercede, telling him to stop, that he’s wrong, and just trying to get them to stop fighting.  Then he yells at me, telling me to stay out of it.  The dinner table turns into a bubble of silence, weighted by tension and […]

Emotions strike me as unpleasant and weak. I am too narsastic and obsessed with controlling people to feel love for another human being. My existence feels like an obligation just another stupid person on this earth. I am done, I can’t take it any more. My mother has OCD , my sister has server autism, and I had autism when I was a little kid. I wish everyday that i could be the one who can be sick and my sister could be cured. my dad treats me like I am 10 when really I am 17. The only time I am ever happy is […]

I had an abusive older brother that lived with me through the ages 8-12. Things he did to me.. only one that scars me for the rest of my life. He slit my arms tied me up and put me in a box for a week. They said it was a miracle that the odds of me making it were in the negatives. I hated him ever since then. He died recently. The only thing mentioned in his last words was how much he regrets all he did to me and wished I could forgive him.. I think I’m done with life I feel horrible […]