I used to come to this website a year ago, Im 19 years old and i have my struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts. A year ago i was severely depressed and tried to kill myself numerous times. I found this website and would come and vent and seek out help, some of the kind words people would say to me, even the smallest things would make me feel better. i felt like i wasnt alone. Im sorry for all the people who feel sad, not good enough, and depressed. i know how you feel, your not alone. Today im doing so much better, im […]

my brother gets help, he screams that he wants to die and punches the wall and they put him on meds, pay attention to the meds and see if they’re working, give him anti-anxiety pills, send him to counseling, get him a psychiatrist, get him fixed, push and pull his brain until it doesn’t try to kill him everyday and all he does is hate us for it every day

years ago i said i wanted to die, i said it really quietly and my mom screamed that if she ever heard me say it again she would have me institutionalized

i want them all to think […]

They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion’s gone away
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life’s been way off line
You’re falling to pieces everytime
And I don’t need no carryin’ on
Cause you had a bad day
You’re taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don’t know
You tell me don’t lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride

Before researching pretty much everything there is to know on this internet about suicide, I spent  6 months looking for an answer in multiple books and documentaries about the universe, existence, the after life and the so called God. I went from reading about all the famous philosophers to learning about every religion. Listened to Depak Chopra and other spiritualists…

It was when I stumbled across these near to death expiriences. That was my last finding. They were the most interesting out of all my findings. If you’re interested in the afterlife, there’s a lot for you to discover. There was sooo much beauty after death […]

Should i be scared?

Of death, or what comes after it. I just find myself asking all these questions trying to figure out where i go after here.I feel dead inside so whats the difference.

lately seems like it:/ even feels like my BEST FRIEND doesnt care anymore..oh wel nothing left to do but off myself now-_-

Where to start. I’m an 23 year old bedwetting virgin who lives in his parents’ basement. I’m fat and unmotivated, I’m extremely awkward, I have no social skills, and I haven’t had a girlfriend in over 8 years. Suicide has been a prevailing thought in the back of my mind for many years now. After a number of failures in different phases of life, I’m starting to wonder if my life will ever amount to anything.

why – a word that we use on a daily basis , a word that we use to ask people – why did you do that , yet it has so much more meaning if you are me – WHY ?!?!?! thats what they ask me , when i woke up after passing out on the floor of my church from pills , why would you do this why ? why? when my counsler asks why?  when people find out that i wanna die Why?  My mother asks me Why? why? ….. The  world asks me why? why do you wanna die – The awnser is simple […]

So, either I break up with my boyfriend, or my parents kick me out and (they own a business and I work for them) fire me, or… You know.

i am so fucking done i am done with the bull shit i am done with the lies i am done with being stuck in the middle i am just done i am done with the fights i am done loosing friends i am done with the broken hearts i am done with pretending i will always come out on top and stronger then i was before i  am done always faking a smile i am done telling myself that i can do everything and make threw anything because i really can’t and i am giving up

I don’t understand how I got here. I used to be so happy and nothing mattered. Growing up sucks. When I started feeling alone and sad, it was usually just there for a second and because of something that really was sad.but en I started to notice I would feel that way about little things like not getting something I want or  talking about someone sensitive. But then,  it came around way too often. I would sit in my bed and cry about nothing. Nothing at all . Just cry and cry and then when I couldn’t anymore’ I would be depressed for hours at […]

Like a scared rabbit i run. & run where is my sword where is my shield. Where is my horse. The end is nigh. And the three headed dragon want’s to eat me. Alone with the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
god why have you forsaken me. from every thing i hold dear heaven and earth. You can take my land you can take life. But you can never take my freedom. Upon this land upon my honor upon my sword. The wind blow’s in the night. The fight is lost. In to the darkness i run. Into the blackness of the night

some of you who read my posts may think this is about my bf? no were good now (5th time make up-_-) perhaps my sister? nah were getting along..sorta. if any would guess my dad? theyd be right.

dad:
WHY!
its like i have to get on my knees and beg for your approval of what i do…u trash talk my mom who is now becoming my best friend…u make me feel like worthless shit..u raise my sister above ur head like shes the princess. u bring up earlie i eat so much im ganna be the size of our 30ft tall 25ft wide house. the […]

It’s hard to be at home, when all my parents do lately is fight with eachother.  It’s usually about money or dad misinterpreting mom’s expressions into anger, and then becoming angry himself.  After which he tells her that she’s been angry lately, with an ‘I’m right’ tone, which she denies because she’s not, and then he keeps going at it.  I try and intercede, telling him to stop, that he’s wrong, and just trying to get them to stop fighting.  Then he yells at me, telling me to stay out of it.  The dinner table turns into a bubble of silence, weighted by tension and […]

Emotions strike me as unpleasant and weak. I am too narsastic and obsessed with controlling people to feel love for another human being. My existence feels like an obligation just another stupid person on this earth. I am done, I can’t take it any more. My mother has OCD , my sister has server autism, and I had autism when I was a little kid. I wish everyday that i could be the one who can be sick and my sister could be cured. my dad treats me like I am 10 when really I am 17. The only time I am ever happy is […]

I had an abusive older brother that lived with me through the ages 8-12. Things he did to me.. only one that scars me for the rest of my life. He slit my arms tied me up and put me in a box for a week. They said it was a miracle that the odds of me making it were in the negatives. I hated him ever since then. He died recently. The only thing mentioned in his last words was how much he regrets all he did to me and wished I could forgive him.. I think I’m done with life I feel horrible […]

Im trying to write my final note – But i don’t wanna sound to boring and ” woah is me ” – so without further ado is an excerpt from my suicide letter –
I lost interest in everything , even music , Music was my everything , my comfort , my hobbies , my lifestyle , Even being a piano player for eight years you would think i would have come to love and cherish every moment i could play on my beloved piano- But i was ( excuse me – am) so broken , even my beloved music couldn’t […]

I have had very poor health since the day I was born. Genetic defects result in a very weak immune system, severe asthma and only partially functioning lungs, severe allergies that prevent me from going outside, heart problems which make me feel weak and will likely cut my life short, a bad liver that’s complicating the heart issues, a bad thyroid that adds to the exhaustion, a bad uterus and ovaries that are trying to bleed me to death, and the doctors want to remove, and a screwed up digestive system that limits what I can eat. I also have a degenerative nerve disorder that’s […]

For the past two weeks almost every single night I have been standing at the very top of five flights of stairs, contemplating possibilities. Imagining my body falling. Would I face up or should I choose to face the ground? I am still afraid. That is why when I find myself there, hands gripping the railing, it takes me about an hour to move. And somehow through strength or fear, I am still here.

Last night, as I started my walk up these five flights of stairs my boyfriend called me.  Instead of finishing the climb I hopped in my car and drove to his house. […]

My little sister is nine – and since im somewhat glad to say that tonight will be my last night – i wrote letters to all my family members , and friends – this is to my little sister when she gets older….The Following is a letter to sofia ( please give to Mom and Dad until sofia reaches 12 or until you feel that you need to give it to her)

Hey Lil’ sis ! Miss you – If your reading this – then you know that im dead , and i have been dead for a long time now… I would love to have […]