So. I’m new here. Suicide is.. something I hate talking about to people who don’t get it. Yeah.
I don’t know anymore.
Yesterday, I was all set to catch the bus. However, I didn’t end up doing it. :( The main reason is because my preferred method requires dry weather for its best chance of success, and the weather here at the moment is very wet. I know, it’s a lame excuse … but I’m pretty lame.
I could have used one of my other two methods. I didn’t.
Parts of my world are falling down around me. Other parts I thought had fallen down may be more resilient than I first thought. Depending on the outcomes of today, I may or may not decide to try tonight. I’m […]
I’m standing up on the plane in the half stance one does as they wait for the aisles to clear. I have to stand like this, instead of sitting and waiting for my turn to depart my aisle, because I have to let the people behind me know that there’s a goddam order to things and they are not allowed to step ahead of me in that order. A few aisles ahead of me is the tight-faced humorless broad, on the flight with two kids and a frowning middle aged sap. She keeps readjusting her hair on top of her head in the sloppy fashion […]
so i dont know why i put myself through all this bullshit. well i got a job..yay:/ i made my parents happy and i guess its good because that means extra money in my pocket for razors, diet pills and cigs. maybe its what i need. i was with her all day..im just going to call her T but thats beside the fact. im seeing my ex boyfriend who im still madly in love with and i just could date him because i know how fucked up i am and i never want to hurt him and i just want him to be happy. but […]
I once asked my friend what he thought about suicide.He told me “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem”, he told me it was gutless and a cowardly thing to do.
I think it’s the bravest thing anybody could ever do. To end your life and welcome death and look him straight in the eye, i think it’s the bravest thing anybody could ever achieve.
I’ve thought about it, many times, I don’t think there is a person who hasn’t had the thought of ending it all cross their mind in their entire lifetime. I am new to this site but already it’s helping me, every time I look […]
I just came across this site this afternoon. It’s actually the exact sort of place I had always looked for before, when the darkness always took over. Any time I googled anything about suicide, it was always for help, for “don’t do it” articles, for getting over depression. I realized somewhere along the way, this isn’t something you “get over”, it is always with us. True, it has been a while (less than a year…which is a very long time for me) since I’ve been there, drowning in that blood-red sea with no sign of hope on the horizon, but it’s still in me. I […]
Sin ti, mi silencio mi soledad, mis lagrimas ahogan el mar,
tu eres el lugar en el que quiero estar,
se que es dificil de explicar a si que mejor sientelo,
pierdete conmigo en un lugar que jamas existio,
y pasan los dias aunque quiero que sean contigo,
sigiendo este camino me llevo hasta ti el destino,
y no paro de pensar en ti desde una habitacion,
se pelean por ti mi alma mi cuerpo y mi corazon,
las agujas del reloj avanzan lentas sin ti,
mi mundo muere en un sueño de papel sin fin,
sentir como se detiene el tiempo ahora,
si recuerdo […]
i have an interview. im nervous. anxiety of being judged just by stepping out the door. but theres two outcomes, i get it or i dont. if i get it its good if i dont then i dont. so itll be fine. but still..im nervouse!!
Ok here goes.
I’ve hated my life from the moment I became aware that life sucks hard. I was 10 when my loser, self hating mother died. I say self hating because she was married to an emotionally distant man who only bothered to turn up to impregnate her every so often. She got sick, he didn’t care. In fact I remember distinctly how he would take my sister and I to his girlfriends (yes plural) whenever she had a hospital appointment (they would turn on the TV and reappear when it was time to go home, nice). Interesting to note now that he was a […]
For one thing I turned off the fucking T”V – nothing like bad news streaming into a vulnerable consciousness. Staying away as much as possible from assholes helps too but, feeling hopeless and anxious is still present; just ramped down.
I see very young people here and realize I’ve been like this since that young age – you either resort to drugs, alcohol and then get into even more hopeless situations- you would think that after all this time I wouldn’t do that; HA
I have no answers
So I had me an hour of sleep, awesome. Got to plaster on some emotions so I can blend into this dark landscape that’s my life and carry on one more day.
do I bother trusting this person. I have no trust in anyone anymore, and now someone wants to help me stop cutting.. it’s an ex, who’s cheated on me with my so called best friend. he says he’ll do whatever it takes for me to stop. I’ve no idea what to say to him and if I agree to let him help me. how can he do so? trust is a big issue for me. and should I even trust him to help me after I’ve been treated so badly. Â what’s the point in life if there’s no trustanywhere?
Come here, Please hold my hand, lord now help me, I’m scared please show me how to fight this, God has a master plan and I guess, I am in his demand….
The assessment went well. Apart from the fact that she wanted to drug me up. I have another appointment on the 4th october. All I heard her say was ‘Hopefully the anti-depressants will make the voice go away’.
Lol.
I didn’t have the heart to explain why I don’t want daniel to leave, So I just sat there and blanked out everything else she had to say. And I went for smart, But as I stood up she gave me a wierd look. :I Thanks. I needed that confidence boost.
Got my exam results as well! I passes everything, Some only just. But got an A in product […]
Just went crazy, throwing stuff around my room, breaking stuff. Yelled at my parents on the phone, threatening suicide.
I’ve had several panic attacks, feeling convinced that my life is over. This one is the worst one yet. I feel like it will continue like this until i’m finally ready to die
Don’t have a good way to do it though. Scared of brain damage with hanging. No access to guns/drugs/poison
So I finally in past months accepted the fact I’m bad person/human being. Why am I, well many things. I have either been told these things by random people or overheard them saying it and noticed most of it myself. I am in general unlikable, most people are very insincere to me. Most people ignore me or distance themselves. Even in best times when I was trying to be upbeat and involved in making things in my life better people still seemed to since something. I was overweight till 21(260 plus pounds), lost weight(135 pounds). Didn’t change much, I just developed a eating disorder that […]
2. Year college student. Finished my first year with straight A’s. Got completely burntout.
This triggered a major depression. Have had issues since i was 12- 13. Anxiety disorders, OCD, depression, suicidal thoughts. Also suffering from existential angst. Also inferiority complex and self-loathing
Also have some love-related issues
I seem to be way too exhausted to get good grades this term. The semester just started sso i have the opportunity to take take a half-year leave to recover. In the future however i would just take that as a token of how a massive failure i am. Also i feel that everyone would despise me over something […]
I do not tend to be awful and immature.
Just a lot of changes becoming forth
A challenge, I may presume
I had let past and emotion get the best of me
This time, I have thought it over, now until forward into the future
I shall just focus to control my lifestyle
Apologies to your family, friends and mostly towards you
This time, I shall not let you down.
I shall try to fix what is left
but if on your behalf; if you chose, I shall stay away.
My apologies.
A friend.
P.S. If you want, I shall return some stuff back
I’m getting  drunk at the moment. Need to talk to someone about everything , I have someone I can talk to but I’ve never told anyone that I’m suicidal…. What would they think of me?
So I have put a lot of thought into this and decided that I truly want to end my life. I have been battling with this for years and tried several different ways of working this out. I have lost my job (which was everything to me) due to my “personality” which was the wake up call. I no longer belong to this world and am ready to leave. The method I have chosen is asphyxiation. I am still working a few things out I will do a trial run and write my letter and hopefully be gone for this world.