I added 13 new cuts yesterday. I feel like doing more right now. I thought I was getting better, but I feel like I’ve digressed a lot since then. I haven’t thought seriously thought about dying yet. The cutting helped calm me. It felt good. Then I felt nothing. I want to feel good. I feel like I’m never going to change.

Hello.

There are a few background things you might want to know. Firstly, I’m a clinical psychopath. This doesn’t make me a killer or a psycho, although it is generally a daily struggle to keep from being either. To me, the world is black and white; there exists, for me at least, no shades of gray. My parents have known about my condition and have actually by and large done an excellent job of raising me. I come from a privileged family and have had everything I have needed provided for me, within reason. I’ve worked to secure that which would not be provided, namely the […]

Well today’s the day. Sunday. The plan was to end my life tonight. Leaving a couple different notes addressed to different people. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Planning since the beginning of the school year, which started August 27, the day before my birthday. The plan was to wait until after my parents went to sleep, then go do it. My method is not the most preferred method out there, in fact many people hate it and think it’s like THE WORST one. But I have my reasons and I have tried twice before, failing obviously. Waking up in a hospital room surrounded […]

Yesterday I got into a very suicidal mood which is totally isn’t me, or so I thought. I laid in bed all day and would have rather been dead than have done anything else. I’ve been depressed for the past few months after my mom cheated on my dad and they’re now going through a nasty divorce. I don’t talk to my mom anymore even though we still live in the same house. I feel really alone and like no one understands. I’m 14, I have a whole life ahead of me and I already want to die? It just doesn’t seem right. I want […]

So a school person found out about my suicide and I was sent to the school spycologyest.

And she was like:

“You know if you kill yourself, you go to hell, right?

I was angry with this. I have always had religion in my face, and I almost blew up here.

Then she was like, “What do you have to do tonigh?8

A orchestra concert,” I said.

“What if you kill yourself today or tomorrow?”

Then they sent me to a hospital place for a month.

Do you think she was trying to control me or actually help me? It seemed like it was more for […]

I have tried it, it has left me with lasting chronic pain and other side effects and frankly, not only do I wish I’d completely succeeded, I wish my naive mother had had a convenient termination when she learned the dismaying news. In the mid 1960s. So I’ve been stepping this tortured fucking polka awhile.

I think this is the Christian site and I am a Christian (or at least I claim I am, although I guess I’m about the world’s shittiest one………..me or a certain US-Egyptian low budget film-maker). Well, the Word says: “Be in the world but not of it.”

I’ve never been really “of” […]

Just a shitty day… or a couple.

A day like today where I wake up feeling okay, and then I start thinking about all the things I’ve ever done wrong. And then I start thinking about how I’m a shitty person. And then, on top of that, I feel like I have zero things to offer. I try so fucking hard to be good at things, at art, at programming… I’m in college, getting decent grades and busting my ass… But I hate everything I’ve ever done. I’ve never accomplished anything and I feel worthless. I’m a huge sagging disappointment to myself. I feel ugly; I […]

i dont what to do anymore… when i was a kid i always got beaten by my parents sumtimes for nothing… i always saw my father beat my mother and out of anger my mother beating herself…. my mother once told me she never wanted me and my father says no point of having a daughter cuz i don’t have interest in cooking or cleaning …. my parents got divorced after living with each other for more that 10 years… after their divorce none of my friends wud ever talk to me till today been 10 yrs nw and i dont have a single friend….. […]

Science say’s when you die. It’s game over. Consciousness is produced by the brain. Religion say’s we have a soul. I say youwhat.? If there is a god why would it give us soul’s. Make us immortal.? & why would he love us. Let’s face it. Human beings are a bunch of freaks. Self obsessed selfish & self absorbed. Ok there are expressions but not for most..

I think i’m a  searcher.

Once I was in the car looking out fot he window, and everything seemed to slow down. I saw a flock of three birds, all flying in perfect harmony, contrasting with the trees and the sky. It was the most beautiful thing.

Hello I’ve nearly set up the helium exit bag technique! I have a 30 balloon small helium tank, but I don’t have the flow controller! I’m still trying to combat this buy buying a 60 balloon tank and connecting the two together! I was wondering will the method still work without the flow controller or will the helium tanks finish before the body becomes brain dead?? Second question once I release all air from my lungs and hold my breath while putting the bag over my head, will I have enough time to wrap tape around my neck to prevent air getting in the bag, […]

i soon will be ready to do the deed that i have been planning for some time now ? i hate my life and in so much pain i just wanna end it and be done with everything , i know how im gonna end it i just need a nice quiet location to do it ? i know i will hurt people but i dont care i cant live the way im feeling and no medication will help wats going on in my head . im a stranger in a strange land with no one to confide in

I feel sick to my stomach. Maybe it was lack of nutrition, most likely not the alcohol. I don’t know. I will try to avoid text slang as I am accommodated to it. My life has desensitized me, I guess. I just picked that word up from a previous post. I believe I might be insane but how can I be sure. I have begun wearing a “happy” mask at my new school as its the last year of high school, so why not keep everyone out of the loop of my insanity and depression.

Yesterday, my happy place was destroyed (the imaginary place in my […]

I was doing ok for a while….busy, had an relatively active social life, pursuing my dream (acting)….but now, seems as though things have come full stop.  I hate it!!!  Starting to think those dark thoughts again….starting to wonder if it’s really worth it.  Hate my job!!!  Hate my life!!!  Hate being alone.  Sure, I have my family (minus my Dad who passed away in Feb), but I really don’t want to burden them.  This is my ordeal.  I think I need to keep busy, it’s only when I’m busy that I don’t have a chance to think.  Sitting and thinking is death.  Thinking about my […]

I have breakdowns. Because I have mental health problems. And these breakdowns are quite possibly some of the scariest things I have to endure. I don’t get a choice, They can happen at random. And yeah, Sometimes I want support.. So I attention seek. But considering at all other times all I am trying to do is make others happy, I thought people would be able to let that go.. But no.

I’m fucking sick of this. The world is a cruel selfish *****, Just like me probably. I know most of you have thought that before.. I wanted to stick around for the good things […]

The trigger – my long-term partner ending things. Not a unique trigger and millions go through this each year. So I’m told, so I tell myself. They can get through it, why can’t I? Slowly but perceptibly I feel myself going down and further down. My thoughts are racing, are dead, I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t eat and can sleep only with sleeping pills. I begin cutting myself and have NO IDEA where that came from. Cuts all over my arms, then my legs. Sleeves cover it all. Random thoughts of suicide pop into my mind until one day at work […]

Passed my point and pushed to suicide, im going to have somemore Fun, b4 i die.. its just really comforting knowing when,how and where i will die.. only a few more weeks i hope.. if not a few more days.

I dont think this world is worth it. Living in all this pain. Im bisexual, apparently “Emo” as i get called at school. Nobody accepts me for who i am.Not even my mother. She always has stuff to say about who i am and about my friends. She says she wont lower her standards for us. She doesnt know im bi. Like who the hell said she needed to lower her standards for anyone. .I dont want to live in this hell anymore. Im thinking of suicide or running away. The easiest way i can think of is just a large cocktail on pills in […]

I’m a fifteen year old girl in the 10th grade and I have never felt so miserable in my entire life. I’m tired of being that optimistic girl that fakes a smile for the sake of everyone else. Most of my friends know about my depression but they think I’m okay at the moment. Last night I was almost positive I wanted to die, but instead of acting on the instinct to kill myself, I just lied in bed shaking and crying. I could never tell my mom that I feel like I want to die sometimes because it would either break her heart or […]

I walk down the street and all I see is couples holding hands and kissing (whether they are two boys, two girls, a boy and a girl, young, old) and I feel like shit, because my girlfriend is Samoan, and her family is really religious and against gay people, so I’m not aloud to tell any of her friends about us and I can only tell my friends if I know they wont tell anyone and its sucks, because I’m so proud of everything she’s done, and everything she’s become… I met her in year 9 and as soon as I saw her, I was sprung… We started dating, and we were going out for nearly […]