I consider myself very blessed. I have a good job, I am somewhat successful even though I am not wealthy. My family is did functional but who’s is not. For the last month I have been feeling down. I had a bad break up a while ago and I was doing fine, seeing other people and just having fun. But lately I cannot break free from this hold over me, I hardly eat I am easily angered and I lost interest in my hobbies. I feel as if I am lost in a crowd. I feel like I am doomed to loneliness for eternity. I […]
My name is Lyndsay & this is my experience in hell on earth.
I’m 20 years old, female, college student.
The craziest year of my life started August of 2011… Right around my birthday…. It seems like my birthday is a celebration of the worst times in my life. It’s like oh joy but not why you might think.
I was attending college and living at home with my mom and little brother. I had known that my mom had an addiction to pills all of my childhood. This has caused more problems than you can imagine (example seeing her go through withdraws and throwing […]
I can’t keep hoping everything will take a turn. No matter what my therapist or family tell me, I let hope go a long time ago.
I cry because I know the only way out. I cry because I have no future. I cry randomly.
I pop a pill prescribed for panic attacks and anxiety. Klonapin. Oh my.
I shouldn’t have to take a zoloft, 3 buspar and 2 klonapin to get through every day.. So lets take my days away. I want to leave and feel pain. Then I’d feel.. I’d feel happy. Relief. Happy. Relief. Happy. Relief. Happy…? Relief…?
Die.
I want to fade away. There is very little of me already I’m an empty shell in fact if I wato full it would be of pain but sadly (no pun intended ) that shit won’t do you any good. Idk how I’m going to do it but it will be soon.
I want to erase myself. not kill myself, but erase myself, I feel empty. I wish my parents would never have given birth to me. I don’t want to be a memory I want to dissappear. To have never existed.
how do you deal with depression and suicidal thoughts
when those who hurt you most and brings you to depression
and suicidal thoughts are those you love so dearly?
how do you cope with it when those you love so dearly are family,
family who you will have to see and interact with,
the ones you are tied with for the rest of your life.
My life has been getting harder and harder. I’m completely fucked up. I’m sadistic.  Corrupted as a child, and now completely twisted inside. I’ve seen too much for a teenager. My family is the exact opposite of your typical white picked fenced happy-go-lucky families. My Dad a bipolar screaming gym head with horrid anger issues. My mother, too physically impaired to even care about anything but going back home to her “Real” family. I have no siblings. I have no friends. It’s hard enough that I’m extremely timid and shy, it upsets me to an extreme to simply look someone in the eye. But also people don’t […]
Im only 19 years old so I’m pretty new to this. I pretty sure were all here cuz we’re hurting an like many of u I think about killing myself all the time. But instead I’d figure I’ll try to fin help. I dnt have to pay any bills I love my mom I love my brothers I perfectly heatly. I jus got out of high school on my way to college I got a job. No kids no family lost. I’m pretty tall beautiful on the outside all is well but for some reason I’m soooo unhappy I dnt know why. Cuz I dnt […]
I have had 16 years of anxiety ridden life. The social phobia has gotten the best of me, I have no friends and am not in school. I stopped going last year in October.. After I ran away.
I was living in a dilapidated house. The ceilings leaked, the water pipes didn’t work, there was no heat. It had been less than a month that we lived there and we loved there due to transitions of homes. We were waiting for things to go through with the house we would be renting. Anyways, I was dealing with that and then school. I have no friends, […]
he doesnt listen to me, he doesnt care, he used to be perfect, i used to revolve my life around him. now idk why hes still my bf. idk why im still holding on
I have been so alone lately and the loneliness is starting to get to me. I thought I was wanted in my family but I’ve learned that it was all a big fat lie. No one wants me and I’m the most unimportant part of their lives. I just want to drop off the face of the earth and never come back and I won’t care if they would miss me because they don’t miss me now so I just want it all to be over. All they ever wanted from me was someone one to complain to or have to do them favors I […]
MY life has been hell for like 4-5 years now. I’m so tired of it.
I felt like I had JUST escaped from it all, but apparently not.
It started when my mom started doing drugs. That’s when my life changed. She started becoming more aggressive. She started staying in her room longer and sneaking friends in. She ruined me and my brothers lives. She eventually started to hit me. She attacked me a few times. She even lied to the cops about it once… I felt terrible that day. Even after all the stuff she’s put me through…I HATED seeing her walk out of […]
i Never Had a good Relationship with my Mom, she was Always out of the picture & on Drugs.
i Always wanted a mom Like The other kids in 4th Grade that would come & pick you up from school & just love you unconditionally. We fought , And Argued, She Told me She was Leaving Agian To NewMexico, i didnt really mind she had left multiple times . When she had gotten up there she called me maybe a month later saying she was pregnant, i Hated the Man she was with , He gotten her to take heroine agian, and she wasnt the same, She Said to me , […]
I almost caught the bus last night. I felt so desperate that I actually started the process. I only stopped because I hadn’t emailed my final letters yet.
These will go out today, and I will most likely finish the job tonight.
I will let you know how I get on.
i Never Thought i Would Ever Think of Suicide or Self Harm, But When i Finally figured out i Was All By myself in a world full of non Understanding People, i Was left with Self harm, Daily. At First no i Didnt want to Kill myself it was just a stress release, i Was Only 13, My Mom was Never Around, && i Was Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, & Put on Meds For that.
i Didnt Want to Kill Myself until the Day i Went And Asked my Dad for help, i Felt worse that day, && i wasnt Just going to cutt, of corse he didnt believe me. […]
i hope you always
find a reason to
smile
I thought I had beaten the bad thoughts, but apparently not. They’re back. Again… They’re back, they’re stronger than ever and I’m too tired to face them. I really wish people could know how many times I’ve fought this off…. How many times all I could think of was not waking up again. How many times I’ve drafted the same letter, trying to find the right words to explain to the people I love why I had to leave them. And each time, I get closer… The letter is now 11 pages long. It is placed in the right place to be found by the […]
Are you ok
Or did you slip away
Will I find out
Or will it be too late
Is there anything I can do
For someone I just met
Or are the attempts futile
And should I just forget
Two years I’ve gone without
The cool barrel against my skin
Now I can feel it
The old familiar itch begins
I don’t often pray
But I’ll be torn if you slip away
So out to whatever power
I pray you are ok
… don’t ever give yourself up. Fall in love, live the moment, but do never ever give yourself up for anyone. Don’t give your dreams up for anyone. And don’t live for anyone else. Live for yourself. Friendship or romantic love… “When love hurts it won’t work”.
well its been up and down since i joined this site ,i shared my story , how i was raped , and used , hell im still used by so many of those close to me and it hurts but i lets them cause im hurting myself in the long run.When i joined this site , i had never hurt myself , never tried killing myself , i had only had thoughts about it , i was 14 when i joined up , im now 15 ,16 in 4 months ive tried killing myself twice , and cut myself a few times , ive also […]