It seems that all I have done today is tried to make other people happy… And listen to their problems. For some reason, I woke up and started crying. Maybe I knew earlier how shit today was going to be. :I Seriously considering those drugs… I just didn’t want to be numbed, Because that’s what they do. They numb your self concious so you can’t feel depression, anger, hate… You just live in a blissfully happy world that supposedly is meant to make you happy as well. I don’t know what this is.. My thoughts typed out? Or a rant to myself. Who fucking knows? […]
I used to have a few really good friends that i go to school with. They’ve either moved or we’ve had a falling out. Now i’m stuck by myself, with no one to go to… Today was the first day of senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year of your teenage years, right? Well. I could tell you otherwise. I walk in the class.. and i’m alone. Everyone’s in their own little cliques and i’m sitting in the back, alone. I’m not the most outgoing girl ever, i’ve been this way since i can remember… always the “quiet girl”. I didn’t really know […]
Nothing is what it seems
So i faced my worse fear.. But the so called “vacation” i suppose to have fun on didn’t go as i planned… When i got to Ontario the first 2 days was relaxing and sorta fun. I hadn’t relaxed in a long time it was nice but after that my depression took a spiraling turn for the worst… I got extremely depressed i couldn’t even find the strength to play with my 2 year old baby brother Jayson whom was plastered to my side the whole time i was there… When we got home a week later i started to loosen up and relax.. But […]
In my life i use to be the perfect little girl. i played softball, dance, cheerleading, even played soccer. and was barely ever bullied i wanted that to be my life then i moved. ever since i moved i am not who i want to be i gained weight lost alot of friends and was bullied non stop. life for me is a struggle i struggle to keep friends i struggle to loose weight. i am not who i want to be….
So, I’ve got six more days till my suicide.. part of me can’t wait, and part of me is just.. like.. wow.. I don’t know what to do.. I’m still trying to find my ideal way.. but I kind of want it to be spur of the moment. I’ve debated many things. so.. yeah. But.. anyway.. I.. I feel really bad.. I’m being so mean to everyone.. so terribly mean.. because I want them to be able to let go of me easier.. to just think.. oh, she was a *****, and deserved it anyway. Maybe it will help.. I hope so.. anyways.. I […]
I am not much of a social person.
Yes normally, I do tend to be on my top guard.
It is only when I think I am in love, then I do tend to loosen up my guard, but just a bit.
I am more of a complexed; frustrated person. I am more of an emotional kind of lover.
I overprotect friends who tends to be in harms way, if not, I still have the habit to.
When I loosen up my guard, I am usually a day dreamer.
I am usually a quiet person who just preplans and happily thinks about her future.
Yes I tend to get over the top at times.
Not […]
I’m not worried about how I’m going to do it. Or where I’m going to do it.
I just wish I knew what to do with all my stuff. My dog. My cat. I’m thinking about putting it in boxes, and maybe dropping them off at the humane society. I can’t help feeling extremely guilty but I feel like I’m having a negative impact on my dog. I’m sad because the humane society is such a shitty place, but I can’t burden my parents with him. I just want it all to be on my tab, and something that no one will have to worry about […]
I kept trying to hang, but damn.. my “survival Mode”kicks in.. well i have a new plan.. and going to be gone soon, Note… tell everybody you love.. that you love them before any decision you make.. Happy Departure
Does anyone on here live in the state of Maine?
I FEEL REALLY LOST AND ALONE, MY HEAD SEEMS TO BE WINNING THE WAR. IM TIRED OF PEOPLE SAYING IT WILL GET BETTER. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS SITUATION, I NO LONGER HAVE INTERESTS OR HOBBIES, MY FRIENDS ALL HAVE THEIR OWN LIVES, MY GIRLFRIEND IS EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABSENT. I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO. I CANT ESCAPE MY HEAD AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIND THE ANSWERS.
is it any wonder that so many opt out of grinding for gold and leveling up for the sake of leveling up?
I’m so bored of it, and it’s my own fault. Life can be great if you’re open to it, but I’m not. I’m so afraid of people, coming into contact with them. I get debilitating diarrhea when I’ve gotten too anxious thanks to my IBS. I want to smile and laugh and be merry, but 1) I’m afraid and 2) I think people in general are dull. I’m 26 so I can’t have met that many people, but I’m already burnt out from the […]
I a blocked in at all angles: too depressed to do anything, too anxious around people to have any social contact, although I am painfully lonely, too pessimistic to see anything good, too high strung to ever relax, too damaged to function, and I feel sick all the time, my head and stomach always burning, I always feel nauseous and dizzy. Yet I never seem to be able to manage to kill myself. Every method I have available seems bad. I have tried everything, meds, acupuncture, bath salts, exercise, ect. Even the doctors I go to ask me what I think there is left to […]
ok schools tomorrow….il be a high school freshman…i get a new start since i’m going to an uncommon school most people are going to the school across the street from me. i however am going downtown to get away. my parents say i betta not fuck this school up. like its my fault for the last 8 years well its not. if i can get these last 4yrs to be drama free it will lower my depression if not then i stay the same. this better break it somewhat otherwise idk what to do:/
I am going to just give up…..Why stay…..
IF you wanna talk…..
kreepykitty5@gmail.com
I hate all of them…
can someone please tell me if things will ever actually fucking get any better for me ?
someone just say something please this silence is killing me
i need to talk to someone 🙁
I’ve always believed in giving everyone another chance and to forgive but not forget and all that, but what happens when the person who fucked up your life the most apologizes? The so called man who pushed your friend to commit suicide and your brother to attempt? The so called man who bullied and harassed you not only physically and emotionally, but sexually too for years before who took that final step and raped you. The reason you don’t trust, you don’t sleep and the reason you don’t even recognize yourself. Am I suppose to take the “right” way out and forgive him? Or do […]
I sometimes suffer under depression because of some problems with my parents and because I was bullied in school. But now I met a boy online, who is really amazing and I really like him and I know that he likes me, too. The only problem is, he doesn’t know how I look like. I’m fat and ugly and ew. I am really scared that he won’t like me anymore if I tell him that, but this would break my heart. When I think about it I’m nearly crying.. What should I do.. ?