I zone in and out of class at least once or twice (or dozens of times in a particularly uneventful lecture). And it’s far from the typical daydreaming I used to do. My eyes widen and I nod my head as I am overcome by ethereal sensations. Loathe as I am to mention his name, I imagine my face looks exactly like James Holmes sitting in that fucking courtroom. One of my professors asks his students questions quite often, and it is a class of about four people so I get called on routinely. Many times I have no idea what he just asked or […]
” A safe place”
All of us sitting, laying down as the light gleams from the machines we call computers,
No matter what depression, anxiety or disorder we find comfort on this forum
We all suffer from the same pain some of us say our life is on the line
I never would have found a greater place then this wonderful site
It’s been months since my last major depression, I’ve gotten better,
But remember we can over come this if we all work together.
Sorry if that was all mushy gushy haha.
Love you guys!
So lately i have noticed some things that are a little shocking. I have decided they are a result from all the rubbing alcohol i drank a few months ago.  Um so the stuff that’s been happening includes,   Me being slower and weaker, the inside of my mouth peeling, constant headaches, and my blood and sometimes just my skin has a little bit of the smell of rubbing alcohol. I am still fighting with the hell in my head. I have too much going on to focus on it right now and control my madness inside. Sorry if this is scary i don’t want to to get the […]
Fuck, get drunk, get high
Fuck, get drunk, get high
Fuck, get drunk, get high
I’m nothing in this worthless country but a toilet. You can NOT fill up 60-80 years with that worthless pussified bullshit. I want to know why I’m not allowed to have any kind of worth in this shithole country? Why?
I’ve had a very dark past week and a half. Some nights I wasn’t even sure if I would make it until the morning.
I’m not saying I’m better, because I’m far from it. But I’m fighting. Every minute I’m fighting that darkness that’s creeping around the edge more often than usual. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be… this anymore.
I’ve made a decision. And I know it’s a pipe dream, I know it’s so far fetched it’s bordering on insanity – but there’s this little voice inside me telling me, “What if? But… what if?” It’s been there before, this little voice, but […]
I haven’t “written” in years, but this wonderfully horrible story keeps popping in my head.
Makes me realize just how sick I really am.
I told the person I trust the most in this world, my best friend, something I had been holding back from everyone. It is one of my deepest secrets. She was nice about it but…. I can’t even explain her reaction. I was expecting her to be more sympathetic, but she really didn’t help at all /: I don’t know what I was expecting, but now I just feel more alone than I ever have. I feel like I don’t have anyone to turn to anymore. Sure, she is still my best friend. But now I feel as though I CAN’T talk to her about anything, […]
I’ve been feeling prety hopeless. I honestly feel like nothing’s worth my time anymore. No one listens to me, and if they did, they dont even care… I’m “Clinically Depressed” . I was diagnosed last year, and within the year, my doseage for my meds was up’d. I can’t eat, all I do is sleep, and cry. I don’t have friends, I have an amazing boyfriend, and my family? It seems like im just the fuck up in their eyes. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel so helpless. Like why was I curesed with this state of mind?
I was raised the youngest boy in a family of eight including my parents.
My dad was a medic in Vietnam that drank himself to sleep everyday after he came back
My mom worked her ass off to pay the bills. She wanted 12 kids, She died in 99 from breast cancer
After my mom died most everyone in my family took off except my little sister who got into hard drugs, my dad was beating my ass one day and my sister called the cops on me and they arrested me because they tell the pigs i am threatening to kill them both just so i get […]
I stayed up all night reading every entry you had made. I felt out of place–guilty even. I feel as if I have been given a little window to your head, your heart. It thrills me that you’re just like me. Hurting so badly, but hiding it so well. We are different though. You have so many friends who support you, encourage you. I have just me. I’m scared of what you’ll do. What I’ll do. I’m scared of this whole world. Of my life. Running saves me. Feet pounding the ground, lungs bursting, until the pain becomes real. The pain I crave, am addicted […]
It’s kind of stupid but I have the worst anxiety when it comes to stuff like this… My new job is tomorrow and I’ve been freaking out all week about it, having anxiety attacks like mad. I feel like everything is going to go wrong. I feel pressured and sad when it should be exciting. ): What’s WRONG with me?? I want to quit life sometimes.
umm i think bf and i just broke up..we got in a huge fight over nothing..just me being stupid…now he doesnt wanna talk anymore soo yeah im done..least now i can cut til i blead to death-_-
sitting in my room bymyself.seems like every person i try to talk to i push away so fast and scare them. but i just want someone to love me. is that so much to ask for. i met this boy i work with. it was cute he was passing me notes i felt like a little girl again. i even broke up with my boyfriend for him. he seemed so real, and it may just be me going crazy. but i dont even care anymore. i just want a fucking gun. i just dont want to do this anymore i dont want to […]
Sometimes, when I walk down the driveway to get the mail, I imagine walking away from everything. Away from my past, away from the pain. When I’m driving, I imagine driving until everything makes sense, driving until everything is fixed. But that’s no way to live, so then I walk back inside, I drive back home, and I realize that I’m okay and I have a million things to be grateful for. We all do, really.
Earlier this year the only thing that soothed me to sleep was the thought of suicide. Everything was out of control. I was sixteen years old, I didn’t eat, I […]
I’m tired of people in my life telling me “suicide is quitting.” No, lying down and accepting the pain is quitting. Suicide is taking action. It’s not necessarily the right action, but it’s an action nonetheless.
People who say suicide is quitting are making the assumption that the goal in life is to live. That’s not my goal. My goal is to end this suffering. I haven’t had any luck so far, but I have one last trick up my sleeve.
I refuse to lie down and take this. I will accomplish my goal if it kills me. Why suicide? Because I refuse to quit.
This world is just something I can’t even describe and it hurts me to know I can’t even form a sentence for how much hate I have for this place and everything in it. Everyone in this damned place are scum, everyone knows how to hurt one another. There is not a single human who understands my burning hatred for everything, nor is there even one that isn’t selfish. “People” or “humans”, whatever we claim to be cause NOTHING but pain and agony. I walk around with open wounds in my head, my conscious screaming and trying to get through will all of your bullshit. Know one […]
I want some attention, I am just so lonely.. so lonely it hurts.
I’m done really I am I have had it with all the bull shit in my life I don’t care if its painful I want.to die any ideas?
People always say that they give up…I hear it everyday. But I am done. Im tired of being pushed around etc. My parents hate me,my family hates me, I hate me. I already have it all planed out…..
I don’t know what to do anymore. There are so many things piling up. Things used to be just fine. I was happy. Since I started high school things have gotten worse, at home too. No matter how much I do, I’m always told that I do nothing. That I’m lazy, worthless, etc. I could resist before but now I’m weak. I can’t take it. Each thing they say is another thing dragging me down. My friend was found dead a week ago, he slit his wrists and recently I can’t get the thought out of my head. I feel like it was my fault. […]