not tonight. im going to plan this very well. so i wont fail, 13th time goin to be a charmXD i hope. i wanna try everyday..but i can defend myself with my sister…i can…if i dont want internet for 2 years…then yeah id stand up for myself but shes a black mailer…she will tell on me for sexting (more reasons but thats the main one) again. she is still abusive either way but having secrets makes her worse…she only knows cuz i was takin pics when she walked in on me. her abuse is killin me. i cant live anymore. she tells me all the […]
There is nothing special about me. I’m not pretty, I’m fat, and no guy has tried to make a pass at me for two years. I’m so fucking desperate, I hate myself for acting flirty with everyone just in case I get a chance. My best friend has left me alone, and I can tell I annoy her. I fantasise about someone finding me with an empty case of pills, peacefully gone to sleep forever in bed. I fantasise about the best friend finding me, so that I can die knowing someone cared.
My mind’s getting tired.I don’t remember the last time I was really happy.There is not a day without me wishing for something to happen.A car,gunfire,natural disaster I don’t care how,I just wish to vanish from this place.
In one week I’ll be officialy living independantly.I’m mmoving in sudbury Ontario to study in my life long dream.Real nice and all…Only if it made me happy.I just can’t see it having a good ending.
Nothing make me happy anymore anyway.My only focus is to waste time in an activity that can occupy my mind enough so I don’t have to think about anything.Like a walking vegetable.Video is one such thing that […]
ourpath24@yahoo.com
I’m sick of playing the game of life, for me it’s just full of false hope and let downs. Every time life starts to look good or seems hopefully different, it crashes and dissolves into something seemingly worse than before. I get these little bursts of maybe a week or two of just this false hope, and I fall for it every time. Argh! Only 145 days until my promise is void and I can finally take my life… It’s been a long wait. Who knows maybe within these potential last months of my life I’ll gain a new understanding and desire for life. I doubt it tough.
Blarg! 😛
Anyone else ever feel like they’re in some movie. Here I am sitting in my dark room with depressing-ish music, door closed yet I hear family playing with my niece and laughing and such. Or maybe just a feeling of being on the outside of life, and you just watch everyone else go throughout their lives. Some specter.
Im laying it all out, im tired, and I hurt all the time. Emotions suck, depression hits me like a brick, im ready to call on him to do what he will. Im so sad of trying, just to fail over and over again, im a horrible man, thats what she always told me, now im lost without her, and no one cares.
I hate my life. I’ve always hated my life. I tried to kill myself when I was eight. Obviously it didn’t work. I’ve overdosed I don’t know how many times. I’m a burden on everyone. Even my therapist and psychiatrist.  I think they both hate me. My one and only friend doesn’t really care, she just feels sorry for me. Nobody would care if I died. I think it’s time to go…
I hate how often I can read a post on here…but I can’t say anything. All I want to do is give the person a hug or something…
I said I wouldn’t be back…… but after hovering around watching a lot of other posts I felt I couldn’t resist posting again.
I haven’t cut in 2 months, or drunk anything either. Have been going to work at night, exercise. Have eaten food now again (but instead of the anorexia it is bulimia that has taken over – binge and purge and have not kept any food down in 2 months). Feel so fat and even have put on weight because of the stupid puking, but only a kilo, not much but feels like 20.
I tried to find meaning, tried to see something, but there […]
There is just no reason for me to be feeling this way. I am that bubbly blonde that everyone loves having around. I am a varsity cheerleader, starting varisty soccer player and I got the lead role in my school play. I have a boyfriend, and amazing best friends. I have never been abused or raped or anything, yet I am miserable. There is not a day that the idea of taking my own life out of the world doesn’t cross my mind. Maybe I would be missed for a few days, but then everyone would forget and focus on replacing me. The cheer squad […]
Is thats it right? nothing gets better only worse. i been through my fair share of unhappiness.i cut my wrist and let my soul to be taken i put my whole life into that misriable misery what else is there. do i not see the fastest method to just end this pAin this grif. i cant let death come quietly without backing out being a coward. im not strong anymore im weak my life has fallen apart to where i dont have anything else to live for.i had a great life but i dont know what i did im the cause of this pain of […]
I can’t believe I just fucking did that again. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I miss Luis <3
I don’t even have anything to say. I just want to talk to someone, Someone who can stop me feeling like this. Suicide really sounds like fun right about now, and i want drugs. To fuck myself up. I just don’t have access to many… I’m hating on myself big time right now. So many fucking things are worrying me. I can’t do this last year at school… You guys know how hard the last one was for me. This year is going to be even worse..
So I believe it’s time to make like a tree and leaf.
😉 <3
a couple of months havent been here.. Black and white days came and left..
July 3rd. I got a call from a friend… She told that one of our best friends in ambulance just found dead. Couldn’t drive, eat or think. I was totally shocked. He had 3 months old son and a beautiful wife who was married before half year.. And You say life is fair?! Now job became not so lovely.. Seeing his car, missing his laugh, support, his lonely uniform kills my heart. I am ready to leave ambulance and being one step from new job. My friend, he was super paramedic, is […]
ive been through alot since childhood, ive seen my mom being hit and bleed, ive gone to school scared of coming back home and not finding her alive because dad killed her, ive seen my baby sister die infront of my eyes and i dont remember telling her i loved her, i remember the days dad dint come home cuz he was SOME WHERE ELSE , i remember when he went to sleep like he dint give a shit while my mom had a miscarriage, i remember every word he said to her that made her cry ….i remember dad repenting after my baby sister died […]
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! the little twisted physchotic *****. so today here is what ive been told in just the past hour from the *****.
“go to hell” “do my chores before i suffocate u” ( no joke she did it last night for 2min) “make my hair pretty” five minutes later…”GOD DAMN U FUCKING IDIOT GO TO HELL U CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT! i hate it u made my hair look ugly just like u” i was cleanin my room…”why r u cleaning ur room its not like it needs to be clean u wont have sex anytime soon with the way u […]
Is it painless to starve to death?
I can’t stand to talk to anyone anymore.  So far the majority of people I have  shared my life with have been total fuck tards, narscistic pricks and abusive assholes.
Im tired of thinking that I’m the demented oversensitive idiot all the time.
Sick of being fucked on.
Are there any decent people in the world who are NOT assholes?
Wtf is it with everyone latel
Ive wanted to kill myself ever since my rape at age 13. I havent admitted it to many, and the few I have I regret. Ive attempted a total of 2 times. Once I took enough meth that I figured tearing off my skin would be a good idea. I have scars from where I tried to dig a blade into my leg from that night. My brother found me, kept me safe and when I came back to my senses I never thought Id ever cry like that in my life. That was the day I decided to get clean and accept myself. The […]