I don’t pretend to know all the answers.  I suffer often.  I have researched psychology and sociology for the good part of a decade now and I would like to share my findings in hopes of clarifying my stance against sociological problems and to also let you know what I’m up against.  These experiments are based on primal, simple psychology and are used to control the masses, on a daily basis.  If you see how society is so F’d up, then I guess I should rephrase “I would like to share my findings in hopes of clarifying OUR stance against sociological problems and to also […]

feeling hopeless and pretty worthless right now…  had a okay day, cried when i saw my ex boy friend i had my friends there to hug me and support me which is the first in a while.. i started cutting my self again…  i talked to the girl who my ex likes or who he left me for and she said that he and her have been getting close and he tells a lot of stuff she says that he talks about me a lot and he misses me honestly i do not know if he likes me or her my therapist said that i […]

today my own mother informs me she is going to chicago the first week of my junior year wont even be here for support. then the next week her and my dad are leaving to go on vacation with my brother i hate being the background of the happy family just an acessory.

…if it isn’t a momentary crisis? If it has been several years and nothing is better?

“Just push through it. It will get better. Wait this crisis out, it’ll all be okay. This is not permanent”. I appreciate the thought when I read responses like this on this site or elsewhere, but it isn’t consoling because its not entirely true. Change is inevitable, but it will not be “better”. My situations, circumstances and issues change constantly, but I struggle (too much) with all of them, always. Sorry to be vulgar, but in other words: sh*t always gets replaced by equally sh*tty sh*t. The people, places, and problems in life always change, but the general luster of life is constant. I’m not […]

I am stuck.  I am a product of the failed feminist movement.  There is no equality.  Women here are required/expected to work as much as men (while earning less per dollar for the same jobs), do the housework or put up with a filthy home, do the cooking or resign to eating takeout, be responsible for birth control and put up with the side effects, have sex but not enjoy it too much or be marked a slut (but have the right amount of sex with the right amount of partners or you’re a prude), possibly become pregnant and go through nine months of that/childbirth/child […]

This probably won’t flow at all. Or make sense, that’s for sure. But I’m writing it anyways.

Before the summer started, I was still able to hide my feelings. Everyone thought I was happy considering I smiled and laughed constantly. But they were wrong. I don’t remember the last time I was truly happy. The summer only made things worse. I stayed home all day, listened to music, and let my thoughts take over. Everything eventually became a blur. I used to cry myself to sleep every night but now I just lay there with a blank expression. I never thought I’d get used […]

I try every day to write down my story but nothing comes out. I just can’t explain what I’m going through.

I have come to a conclusion/realization. If you have been hurt by the end of a relationship with somebody that you loved, this won’t be the news you want to hear and most certainly isn’t a happy idea. You may think it’s the end of the world because the one you love is gone. I know that’s what I thought. There was no convincing me that I should continue living. All I wanted was the end. Quick and painless, slow and painful; I didn’t care. I wanted an end to the pain I was in more than anything. I finally came to a realization though. […]

I’ve found bridal paths,but see hourse riders there all the time and they might spot me.
Country lanes,but usually have houses around and paranoid they will see me.
and industrial estates,but they are sometimes patrolled.Don’t wanttobe caughtand send to the nut house.
Any ideas?

Life…

This four letter word that we are still wondering, debating, and living each day. As easy it was given, it can be extinguished. Life is always compared to some sort of object, for example, something as simple as a box of chocolates ‘you never know what you’re going to get’. Or even something as exhilarating as a roller coaster, it has its ‘ups and downs’. i believe that the reason why we come up with such simple analogies is because nearly everyone has experienced something as simplistic as that. But what about something more complex?

For instance, a car crashing and burning. One moment, you’re sailing […]

For awhile now I have thought of suicide alot. Its not somehting I want to do but im at a point to where its something im really starting to think about and cant help it. I been reading on hypoxic death and it seems the best way to go. I wasnt able to breathe well for about 7 months and then after feeling well for about a month something else happened….I have somehting wrong in my head and I cant think right. I call it brain fog but its affecting me more than I can tell anyone or even put into words. Its ruining my […]

I wanna talk. Lots and lots.

I don’t know why. I wanna meet new people.

I like meeting new people…. Unless… They turn out like… Him….

I’m still not crazy.

I have been on this earth just short of 22 years and already I have tried to leave three times. The people that know this all tell me that it’s a good thing, maybe its “ment” to be that I am here. I really don’t think that at all. I really just think that I have not been smart enough this whole time, that I need to make sure it happens for real this time. Yeah sure I have some schooling and people say they like me, but that’s not enough. I don’t like myself. I don’t like where I came from, entire family addicted […]

There is so much anguish in the world,
and I can’t keep ignoring it.
It haunts me.
Everywhere I go it’s right there with me.

Following me, clinging, suffocating.
It tears at my heart, and the cuts keep getting deeper.
I feel the pain, the physical pain in my heart
caused by the cries of others.
Too well do I know the world,
our terrible world,
and eventually I just can’t handle it anymore,
and I fall apart,
because there’s nothing I can do
that could cease the suffering that exists
everywhere.
It surrounds me like […]

I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to…

But sometimes it just feels like, “HOW can I go on??”
)’:

ive gotten to fat and i need to stop eating.

school starts in a week and i need to look pretty, skinny.

water, tea, diet coke and cigarettes for the rest of the week

oh and if i eat anything it NEEDS to be purged.

I remember how i wass told.
Grandpa was on the phone someone else then he said it you died.
I see you in the store.
I see you in the kitchen at the club.
you were like my grandpa.
i see you in my memories.
missing you.

so after so long of not being able to see you i went up there. I knew i was most likely wasting my time, but when i got there this very nice nurse took pity in me, she said she would let me see you because of ezra. she led me to that little room where you all sit and watch tv, or play games. I probably should have figured it out by the was that girl kept looking at me…. the  same look i gave the vet when i was 9, right before they took my kitty away for the last time. we talked […]

The way I see it us if they are always on your mind mabey they should be there that if it us meant to be then love will find away. i am sick and tired of begging for you i am sick of doing everything that wrks for you no breaks no drama no bull shit just give me a strait up answer do you want to be with me or not. Oh the things i have done for you i am sad and depressed any ideas of how i can end my life quick and easy? Sometimes letting go is the best bet