So, I’m sitting here waiting (it seems I do an awful lot of waiting these days) for a ride so that I can hopefully get to my so -called “parenting class”. Have you ever been to one of these classes? They’re a total waste of time, and just another way for the state to keep your kids longer. I mean, really, who the hell needs someone to tell them how to take out the trash every day or remind them that babies can’t be brats? Are we really not evolved enough yet to understand that children are generally unable to be mean until the age […]

My anxiety won’t go away… the pain on my chest, the breathless feeling, so out of my mind. My friends keep writing msg on FB, I cannot open them, they txt me and I can’t txt them back. Nothing to say, I love them, I miss them, and I know they love me back… But I don’t know how to tell them that I won’t be allowed back in Canada for a long long time, I don’t know how to tell them that I spend all my day at home reading posts on THE SUICIDE PROJECT website, I don’t know how to tell them that […]

Happiness. It was in my reach, merely a week ago. I used to dislike living. I used to complain and moan about things of no significance. I was unhappy, but without a real reason to be. And I knew that. I knew that my unhappiness was uncalled for and most of all: selfish. There were people out there going through real pain, people who had actual reasons to feel this way. So I pulled it together and started focusing on all the positive things in life. My friends, my somewhat dysfunctional family whom I still loved and cared for, my somewhat normal life. I started […]

In October of last year, I was going to hang myself. I was living over six hours away at school. No one I knew there. Grades dropped to an all time low. Before I could do it, my mother withdrew me and brought me home, yelling the most obscene things at me. She knew nothing of my self harm or plans, and she made me feel like worse shit than I am. I went to the local high school again. Things got worse, but also better. I got a girlfriend. A good friend of mine died. So did my grandpa. I can’t bear to outlive […]

I have found this site helpful mainly because I now know I’m not alone.
I’ve always been depressed, since my parents split when I was 4 but I’m now 23 and I dont have anything to show. I had dreams to ve a musician and let them die.I came up with this idea to kill myself (the word suicide disgusts me) about two years ago but my future roommate convinced me better. I convinced myself that it was because she had feelings for me and I could find meaning in life by taking care of her and her child. our relationship got more intense, but […]

Its not something I want to feel though. Because I know damn well I have so much ahead of me in life and I can’t just give up just like that. But the shit I’ve been through just barely pushes me over the edge sometimes. I often find myself thinking about how normal other peoples lives are and how I wish I was in their position. I think I’m too much of a ***** to commit suicide anyways,  I dunno. I just feel like God has so much in life to offer for me. I have plenty of people to talk to but when it […]

We are children of constant sorrow living in a fallen world, for we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the
rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high place.

“As I walk this land of broken dreams
I have visions of many things
But happiness is just an illusion
filled with sadness and confusion

What becomes of a brokenhearted
who had love that’s now departed
I know I’ve got to find
some kind of piece of mine, baa-aaaaby

The roots of love grow all around
But for me they come tumble all down
Every day,heartaches grow a little […]

The poor man is hated even by his own neighbor,
But the rich has many friends.

He who despises his neighbor sins;
But he who has mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Life’s Pain

Two divorces and child custody.

To do the right thing will require personal pain.

I can’t pay I can’t pay. I am falling behind in my payments to the world and the world is getting pissed.

I try to keep up but something always throws a wrench into things so I can’t keep up.

2 steps forward 2 steps back

God I want to quit, God I want to die.

Jesus protect me from the world I cannot continue. […]

I _______ __________ , being of sound mind and body. Make my last request. In the event I suffer from any of the following and cannot verbally relay my last wishes.

If I have a stroke, heart attack, comatose, brain dead in any form yet still display vital signs.

I do not wish to be kept alive on any form of life support. I wish to pass on. My prolonged life will not be beneficial to me or any poor soul that may survive me. I cannot afford to be artificially kept alive. God will understand.
I have done the best I can all the time regardless of […]

how much i want away from my clearly messed up dysfunctional what i wish i didnt call: family:/

Why can’t I find a reason to live. Why is life so crappy for me. I just can’t seem to live a normal life. No matter how hard I try I just fail. No matter how hard I work I never seem to get anywhere but in debt not deeper in debt just in the state of debt not getting any traction either way, or so it seems. We live under an economic slavery model called capitalism.  My spirit has been under siege for as long as I can remember. The world looks at people like some kind of commodity. I need to die I […]

Sophmore year starts tomorrow. I was supposed to kill myself over the summer. Why the fuck am I still here????????????????????????????????

im pretty bored of the monotany of people and life, feeling numb, i feel really numb. i keep thinking how good it will be when i go to canada in a few years, i have decided im going to start saving up now since it will take me a few years to get the money, iv applied for jobs and i no when i was last working things wernt as bad just because i felt useful so hopefully ill get to work soon and acctually get paid, so canada will become more of a reality, i like the idea of going to another country, getting […]

Well… I know I should have life made for me. I’m part of a middle class, happy family. I come from a tradition of academia. Intelligence is highly valued. I go to a fantastic school, and everyone thinks I’m going places. Before this year though, I was bullied since I was young, around 7. I have never had a high opinion of myself, and about two years ago I started feeling more andore miserable. I withdrew from everyone. I now believe I was depressed.

I am a weak person, and I have done a terrible thing. I again feel like taking my own life. What is […]

i think reading how terrible everyone feels only magnifies all of our pain.

Okay I have had depression and suicidal thoughts since I was in my mid-teenage yrs. I’ve always blocked it out of my mind and hid it and was in complete denial. I actually started admitting to it about a yr and a half ago, but I’ve started dealing with it in the last month especially in the last week. I was always told by churches that you’ve got power of these things that all you have to do is pray and God will take care of them. Greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world. I believe in God […]

I felt suicidal as a teenager, 20 years ago, and never thought it would happen again.  I’m a trained mental health worker, I know the signs, I know who I am supposed to call, what I’m supposed to do, but I don’t see the point.  Up until May this year I thought suicide was a sad act, and now, I think it is a viable option.  Infact, I’ve come up with my own therapy, I have a plan.  On the 26th of September 2014 I am allowed to take my own life.  Four months before this date, decision making goes in to lock down- as in- […]

Just when my life takes a turn for the better, it takes another for the worse. I’m still dealing with the same shit, but now the people I put in prison for raping / helping rape me got released (biggest load of bullshit out -.-) and now I think my boyfriend wants to split just because I want to go to University in a different state to make sure I get the best education and experience. He always brings up leaving all the bullshit here and just leaving somewhere with me, so I offered him to come or to have a long distance relationship and […]

HEADCASE.

HEADCASE.

HEADCASE.

MAKE.IT.STOP.

uncontrollable anger. dissociation. guilt. mood swings.

LOST EVERYONE. no family, no friends, no NOTHING.

i dont want to die. but im not alive.

is there any other option?.

FUCK.

My mother. I know it would tear her apart.. Especially since shes going theough an insanely rough patch in her life. I juat couldnt cause her so muchMore pain. She deserves happiness and thats all I really want for her. I think yesterday would have been the day.. Oh mommy.. Why cant you just.. Idk not care? 🙁