And I can’t fucking wait. I borrowed a car for tonight, which is a key part to implementing my plan. Which I’m sticking to this time btw. I’m not risking failure again. For those of you who have stayed up night after night with me, fighting the dark, it truly meant alot to me… I want you to find whatever it is you are looking for. If I haven’t lost everything i loved, I will anyway. I have to shut this shit up my mind is split in half again, fighting itself. I would rather be completely fucking stupid than have an overactive mind that […]
so today was good. i walked in, did my job and everything was right with the world. even though my boss hasn’t said anything, he atleast, even though he again was in a bad mood, made it a point to have fun with me. we got along fine. respect is still something that is going to have to be earnt as i still am quite pissed at his actions, but i have in a way forgiven him. i still have dark niggling feelings that threaten to push me towards the edge, but when i am focused on other things i can push them aside for […]
I woke up this morning and the first thought that came in to my head, as always, is that I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be in this house, in this city, in this country, in my life.
Feeling like this all the time just isn’t normal. There was a time when I was younger I could forget it all, brush off my worries with my friends and alcohol and even when I couldn’t, when it came down to the worse-than-usual days I had my friends to keep me going. I had 3 very good friends back then, 2 neighbours who […]
Hello, my name is Marissa. I’m 14. And I’m desperate for help.
Let’s start with my average day, I go to school at 6:50. The first starts at 7:15 an so does my depression. I’ve never been good at making friends and expressing my feelings. No one really knows about my depression besides my best friend. I have 3 classes with her daily, study hall, math and English. I go to youth group every Thursday but Christ doesn’t seem to love me anymore. I’m verbaly abused everyday by everyone. I want to be an art teacher when I get older( that’s if I’m still alive). My […]
I finally made an account. I’ve spent all afternoon reading and I identify entirely with feeling like I’m in a slump. The worst part as I see it is the apathy. The complete loss of excitement for all the little things that used to make me smile and worse yet, the utter lack of care for whomever’s emotions will be affected by my last action on this earth.
I’m 21, completely hopeless, and scared for what lies ahead. I don’t want to disappoint my wife of four months, but with all the fighting I think she’d be better off. I seldom socialize anymore, I dropped […]
Is what I tell my mom. ‘no, it’s okay, I’m just tired’ for my dad. ‘Could you leave, please? I’m thinking’ is snapped at my little sister. And then I’m alone.
School’s out. I’m a kid. I should be ecstatic, right? But I’m not. Lately, I’ve just been feeling so alone, so hopeless. I have small projects I’ve been working in in my spare time, but I’m starting to think ‘why bother, this is stupid’ and abandon them. Occasionally I’ll get my hopes up for something, but somehow when it comes I always seem to screw it up. Then it’s over, and I’m back in […]
Every night before I go to bed I hope that I don’t wake up, and every morning I wake up a little angrier than I was the day before because I woke up. I am not exactly sure the reasoning behind it, but I have felt this way for many years. The only emotion I ever feel or exhibit is anger. It is starting to effect the people around me but I really don’t care about the people around me or the people close to me. I care about nothing and haven’t for as long as I can remember. As far as I know there […]
Again, everything falls to pieces.
I’m too depressed to even write. Â I think I’ve given myself a fever from crying.
my best friend gave up on me. she was the only person who believed in me and now she dropped me. i have no job, no friends, my family hates me, i have horrible depression, horrible anxeity, LOW self estem, and i feel like a mistake. i dropped out of high school. what a loser. everyone thinks im easy because im old friends started rumors about me. noone likes me. im better off rotting in hell then living here, even though it seems like hell. i find myself crying myself to sleep everynight, because the girl i love loves some other boy. and she thinks […]
Wrong!
They all think im ok now, im getting better.. Im getting through this with positivity.. Thinking happy thoughts. Yup, thats me.. Changing back into the old Zoe.. Newsflash.. Its a lie, and your all believing it, in fact im the exact opposite of what I tell you.. Im actually getting worse! Im back to cutting every night again.. And the thoughts of me ending my life dont gO away.. I think of my funeral, who would go and who wouldnt.. The song that y family would choose.. How many would be surprised, and how many would feel sorry for anything they said or thought […]
I wrote this poem over 20 years ago. It’s my favorite one I’ve ever written, and still rings true to me today.
              disenchanted
I searched for myself down in
the deep, dark jungle of
my soul,
and only found remnants of a time
long forgotten.
I wondered if I was the sole
survivor
of the plane crash of my
destiny,
or if I was just scattered among the
wreckage.
just got grounded, being ignored by my bf, really need to talk/advice?
Used to be a golden boy as a kid. Smart, witty, charming, and good at everything I put my heart into. Grew up with and angel for a mother, protective, affectionate, caring, and strong who always supported and provided for me and my brother being a single mother.
She had lost two husbands to death in her life. My dad being the second when I was 8.
Lived as a kid with undiagnosed adhd, which resulted in denial of authority at school getting into trouble due to lack of attention, interest and fooling around. I used make people laugh disturbing the class with my humour.
When I […]
I always have great imagination, i can simulate what’s going to happen in the near future
but what i see is always a dull boring life, of course i also tried challenging and less predictable activities like mountain climbing and ruins exploring, but in the end nothing happened and i went back to my boring life
I always wished i would just kick the bucket during one of my journeys, but to no avail. I have always survived and while it was a refreshing experience, the excitement won’t last even for a day, daily life is just too boring god……..
as much as i wished for a “switch […]
alcohol and pills.
it seems too easy.
i don’t want to die.
but it’s too easy.
to just slip.
and after a few sips.
everything is gone.
and then it will be over.
and i won’t have to worry anymore.
and the numbness will be gone.
So I’m marissa. I’m 14 and my life sucks.
My mom is a workaholic and drinks all the time. I only see her for 5 minutes in the morning and one Saturday a month.
My step- father verbaly and (once) physhicaly abused me. I hate him. He treats his daughter like a princess and makes me do all the chours.
My step-sister is the biggest ***** ever she punches me and she’s only 7! She constantly goes into my room and fucks it up!
September 14, 2012 I lost my aunt to a battle of cancer, melanoma. Life hasn’t been the same since. I cry every night […]
There was always something inside of me saying I wasn’t good enough and that he would find someone else. I had the feeling deep down when he left that when he came back he would be different and that I wouldn’t be able to change that. I knew deep down that he didn’t love me and I was never really good enough. I was right, as usual. But I wish that this was a dream and I would wake up and see it was all fake. Somebody please shoot me because I can’t do this. Shoot me through the heart and put it out of […]
Apprehension. It describes my life in some ways.
Apprehensive about the future,
my secrets,
a crush,
the punishments,
and the pain…
I am most apprehensive on how I will survive the summer.
Full days shut in the house with my mum nowhere to go…
To be honest the thought scares me shitless….
I can’t breathe. Simple as.
I am so desperately lonely all the time that it hurts, it physically hurts. I’m a 22 years old girl, I’m a virgin, I’ve kissed 2 guys in my entire life. I don’t ever know if it’s guys I’m into, not like I’ll find out anytime soon because I haven’t had enough experience to figure that part out yet.
I’ve been bullied since I can remember. I’m ugly, just genuinely not good looking, and it has been the reason behind my bullying. When I was 10 boys used to call me smash face. In class as a teenager people used call my […]
Here I am again. I don’t want to be here or anywhere else. I don’t want to keep going through this over and over and who fucking cares right… why should i. I can’t fucking take it anymore. The torment and the torture is back and I am alone again. So easy to help me yet… so hard for people to do.. Is it too much to ask? I don’t even know if this makes sense, b/c I am fucking crushed, sick, fuck who can blame anyone.. I’m tired of myself. I don’t want to stay. I don’t want to feel like […]