I woke up yesterday morning ready to help and change lives, but I can’t do it. My feeling is gone, and I’m hoping I just drift away. I’m sorry, but I give up, there is just way too much negative than postive. Why do we even want to stay in this cruel world? It’s NOT a paradise, it’s full of pain and people telling you you’re worthless and not giving a shit about you dead or alive. I’m sorry but I’m giving up. I’m just going to sit here and wither away with the rest of my sad dark life. May the words in my […]

my friend knows about this site and read all my posts..hes trying to help tho..which im thankful for…hes a good friend and i take him for granted and i shouldnt do that…. ugh.. my family is a pain..the other day at lunch my sister was like “i think she’s bulimic and anorexic, she never eats” the thing is i actually am… ugh i wanted to cry… fucking life sucks…

i need help.. i know i do.. i hate admitting it tho… i had another nightmare lastnight… about me being locked in a white room, nothing else in it but me.. i went insane… i hated it… […]

I dont know why i am writing to this place, but im going to end this existence in 2 days. I going to to this by hanging because it seems quite peaceful way to go besides of jumping and cutting.  I have read i think to many news and personal stories and i really do know what i am doing. I have a job and a loving family but i am an idealist, like my psychiatrist said and i just cant live like this anymore. My body i just a burden to me, i have tried everything to fix my life, make it near ideal […]

Ask yourself this question…”Do I want help? Do I want to be happy? Do I want to live?”

Remember, it all starts with YOU.

The world is such an ugly fucken place.

this is really hard for me to post this.

i feel like i should. but I’m so nervous about even sharing it with people i will never know.

it started back when i was about 13. I felt really down. I didn’t really have any main friendship groups. I was having trouble with my family ad i just always had this feeling of being useless. I held a blade to my wrist. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. I just felt like this was a way to make the pain seem real. and i still have scars there today 3 years later. This went on […]

So my best friend told me i’m to negative and that my life would be better if i would just look on the bright side and stop putting myself down. So i looked on google and found a list of things to say to myself while looking in the mirror
I am beautiful.
I love myself.
I’m smart strong independent women
thats all i found.
but um I’m sitting in front of my mirror but i can’t say these things to myself. I either laugh my butt off or look away. Idk why. i guess i will have to look at my ugly face in […]

I don’t think I can do this. Die. Too much of a coward to take the coward’s way out. But I can’t stay here. Why does this have to be up to me?

Most important decision of my life. And I’m choking.

I’ve always been told I have a way with words, but I’ve never felt able to communicate unless it was through music. I can say things I never thought I’d be able to get out any other way with my music. Music is what keeps me alive. Words cannot express how I feel right now, so I wrote a song about it. It was originally meant for a friend, but it turned out to be a lot more about me than I thought. Anyway, here it is. I know it’s not great, but I feel like I got out what i was trying to say.

1

Everything about me is broken

my phone, my bank account, my heart

i wish someone would just take them

and give me a brand new start

I’ve gone through bullets and knives

through fire and ice

through volts and ropes

through drugs and loves

through suffocation and exoneration

And yet i still am alive

I beg for peace

i beg for calm

i beg for death

and yet nothing has happened but

pain

suffering

and silence.

I am broken, body and soul

nothing in this world will make me whole

because i am scattered in a million peices

and there’s no way i can find them all

Ffs. I havent wanted to actually end my life for a long time now. Not until these passed few days. Iv’e got a place to end it.. A note in my head… I just have no idea how many and what type of pills I should take. I mean.. Even if I knew what to do, i wouldn’t even know where to get them. God damn it. If anybody wants to talk, please feel free to email me.. Please. zoebear_1@hotmail.com
~Zoe

You’re never going to actually read this, so I suppose I’ll post it here. I love you, I tried, I’m Sorry, Goodbye.

I’ve tried helping you with your problems, I wouldn’t dare see a pretty face with so much potential just disappear among the lives of the other, unnoticed and unloved. So many people try to be with you, but I know a secret, something you’ve only told me, some people, they think they know everything about you, but really, I’m the only one you told. Two months ago you were a stranger, just another pretty face in school, but then we talked, and we kept talking, that’s […]

Love this ugly little world we’ve created.  The only purpose is to screw, eat, sleep, get drunk, get high, and go to work.  I was lied to.  I grew up looking at both grandparents, paternal and fraternal–genuinely in love with each other and marriages that lasted over 60 years each.  I thought I could have that. Can’t anymore.  You’ve completely sicked up sex so much, it’s nothing but pointless empty monkey humping.  No love, no respect, no dignity.  It’s a sick public farce.  And it’s all about party party party.  Empty.  Pointless.  I’m supposed to fill up 60 to 80 of that mindless garbage?

Can’t find […]

So I have a kinda long story of my life but here goes:
So when I was 1yrs old my mom went to the hospital for back surgery, the doctors forgot to clean their tools from the previous surgery they have done and my mom got an infection affecting her spinal cord causing her to go blind and have short term memory lost. And I only saw my dad on the weekends because my mom and dad split up as soon as I was born and my dad had 3 of my brothers to take care of. So I had to live with my […]

Today I burried love. I dont  think  the statment needs an explaination, anyone who has truely loved and lost  must know how It feels. For those who don’t imagine choking and trying to breathe yet your unable to, one must not confuse it with physical pain but the emotional pain which one is unable to overcome. But the post today isn’t really about explainations, this time i dont need them… burrying love doesnt have a justification, or an explaination.

This post is about questioning how must one go on, I mean what do i do now that the future seems to be becoming my past, tomorrow it will […]

One year and 40 days ago I started a diet.

That diet quickly took over my entire life, exposing mental disorders that had been hidden before.

One eating disorder showed so much more… generalized anxiety disorder, a mild form of ptsd, cyclothymic disorder (mild form of bipolar).

My family had been perfect, but when it fell apart i didn’t know how to express the pain. I pushed it down for over 4 years.

All of that pain suddenly came out in the form of starving, throwing up, and cutting.

Slowly, I lost myself.

I had to pretend I was okay, I had to be perfect.

I lied to everyone.

I fought help at […]

im so sorry if this is offensive in any way… that is not my intention

For so many years of my life, I’ve endured the constant feeling of sadness and feeling alone. Every day, progressively worse than the last. Then the day came where I met someone who gave me a breathe of fresh air in my life, and gave me a purpose and reason to live. How great it was to love something more than yourself. She lives 10 hours away, I sold everything I own in this world to go see her, I leave tomorrow.

But why is it I’m so close, but I feel so scared? I feel as though I’ve already lost her, and I haven’t even […]

Why did God chose me ? It is not fair. I didint ask for this, all this pain.

I am not strong. I cry my self to sleep every night.

I hide all my feelings behind this mask, so everyone will think i am a happy 13 years old girl. But i am not.

But I believe there is hope for a better life in the future. So i got to stay as strong as i can to make it.

Do you see the light

At the end of the tunnel

Is it bright?

Come on now don’t fumble.

One slow step at a time

You can make it

You’ll be fine

Come on go bit by bit

You’ve reached the gates

Is it what you thought it’d be?

Look it’s the three fates

Dancing to sad symphonies.

Will you be waiting for me through the strife?

The comes with hell

I think it’s time to pay the price of life

Death come take my soul without fail.