I am a worthless piece of trash. I do everything wrong even when I don’t mean to. I hurt people, I hurt them badly. And either I can’t say I’m sorry or they don’t believe me. I can do nothing right ever. I feel so horrible right now. I want to tell everyone that I’m sorry…I just can’t handle myself. I’m so sorry.

I just wanted to add a small post, but for me it seems almost a definition of a state of mind I find myself in.

Life has passed me by. It feels so literal right now, sat at home, alone and having not spoken to a single human being for about 9 days. I have no hopes, no desires, no wishes, no plans for now, no plans for the future, nothing. I do not dream, no goals and no desire to change. It feels as though I am stuck in a void. Life has left me, why should I stay?

I have had my suicide attempts and […]

There is a universal truth that we all have to face, whether we want to or not, everything eventually ends.

As much as I’ve looked forward to this day in my life, I’ve always hated endings.

The last day of summer, the final chapter of a really good book, or parting ways with a really good friend.

But endings are inevitable, they are a part of life that we will never be able to shake. Leaves begin to fall, you close your book, and you say goodbye.

Today, for us, is an ending. It’s the last day of high school, the last chapter in a part of our story […]

That’s a quote from one of my all time favourite novels, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut. I have plans to get the book’s mantra, ‘so it goes’, tattooed somewhere on my body.

Which, is kind of at odds with posting on a suicide website, isn’t it?

I don’t actually know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m depressed – I’ve never gone to a doctor or a counseller. I think about suicide on a near-daily basis; not in some abstract way, but with regards to methodologies, and having a suicide note on my laptop which I regularly update to correspond with the messages I want […]

For 7 months i have been in this state.
at first it started as saddness,but as time went by it turned into pain and numbness.
I turned to a friend who understood how i felt. But he kept telling me to wait a little bit, and i wouldbe okay. But ive waited to damn long, and everything just keeps getting worse! Im sick of it!

My name is Elizabeth. I am 14 years old, and I’ve wished for death for a couple of years, and I’m certain it is the only thing I’ll be able to succeed in this life; I’ve tried not to think about it, but it always comes back. In moments when I’m lonely and when it’s silent, I’ll think of death and how to achieve it. I wish I was normal, that I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could have changed the way my mind works, and how it always tells me to ruin things. I’ve lied to everyone I’ve talked to, I’ve insulted […]

I wish I had the balls to shoot myself. That is all I wish for.

I know a lot of people get all emotionally steamed when people say that suicide is ‘the cowards way out’. It is a horrible thing to say about someone especially  when people who have never attempted suicide could not possibly know the hurt a person can go through for no reason whatsoever other than because we exist. But I think the truth is that it is the cowards way out. I wouldn’t be considering it at all if it didn’t seem so much easier than living and truth be told life is just so much more fucking scary than the worst horror film you can […]

It’s like you’re trapped inside yourself, you can’t escape unless you allow yourself to escape- but there’s a cage there preventing your escape and every time you manage to break one of the walls down, another higher wall builds up, separating you from everything and everyone else and making escape all the more impossible. And the more you try, the harder it gets. And you’re trapped inside yourself, so you’re sitting there and everything hurts and you want to curl up and cry for hours, but you continue to just sit there, somehow feeling numb and being in pain at the same time. And you […]

Do you know what REALLY seems to get people down? The whole world. We’re always told so much s*** about what a great place this is, and how ‘lucky’ we are to be alive, and how we’re just not grateful for what we have. This may be true, but do they realise exactlu what’s happening in the world? It’s a horrible, cruel, unforgiving bad place where a few good things happen? And what’s worse in noone seems to understand what you mean…I personally get incredibly upset when i hear an earthquake has destroyed, ruined a civilisation and killed so many people; I feel so […]

I have it all. Or so I’m told.

I have a loving husband who supports me. I have a beautiful little girl. She’s 5 months old. I love them. They mean the world to me. But sometimes it’s not enough. The pills on the counter are calling my name. I doubt there’s enough to kill me but I sometimes want to test that hypothesis. I wish I could tell people. I see a therapist. I lie. I tell them I’m fine. I just don’t want to pay for another hospital visit. It would be the 5th one this year.

I took more than I should have. […]

How do you heal from a broken heart?
Most people would say time but it has been 22 years and the pain is still raw.
Knowing what you have to do and doing it is 2 very different things.
I know I’m the only one who can allow myself to heal but don’t seem to know how to do it.
I know looking at the past I miss out on the now and the future.
I know remembering what I haven’t got or miss instead of looking at what I do have robs me of happiness.
Yet I seem unable to let go of my […]

Hey Everybody!

So…here I am again. Don’t really have anyone to talk to. Usually I don’t want anyone to talk to, but that makes it hard for those times when I need to talk to someone. I stopped seeing my therapist about six months ago; I lost my job and I just couldn’t afford it anymore. I see my psychiatrist about every month-and-a-half. He doesn’t say much. I take whatever he prescribes, and I think it helps a little. I don’t like him. I’m going to have to borrow money to pay for my next refill. I’ve got insurance but there’s a copay.

I need to make […]

I don’t want my suicide to be a long drawnout note about all the reasons I chose suicide. So instead I would prefer some short but sweet words like:    My life-My choice/Gee it sure is boring in here/Kill me/and I swear that I don’t have a gun/I don’t care/only option/life is optional/god better have an excuse for this bullshit/I am so fucking bored/

🙂 you see that? Thats my face. All day. Every day. I put it on in the morning and it only varies a little. I hold everything in. Keep it away from my friends. They dont need to be worried. Because as time comes to show, once people know what face truly lies behind the lies they freak out and send you out to the hospital for a month again. So fuck it. I’ll just push it all back, then let it all out through my wrist at night. So far it’s worked alright. I’m doing just fine. Or so I say. I can even […]

It isn’t its not wrong or selfish. Its a personal choice, I don’t feel guilty about how my parents would feel because they brought me here. It is my life and I will choose what I do as I like to say Death before Taxes. I don’t see meaning in life and I can’t enjoy it. We all die eventually and I dont see why later than now? I don’t want to be part of society and am terrible around people. I hate the expectations on my life from society and My parents and country that I never agreed to. I didn’t sign up for […]

they say knowledge is power
I say it’s a curse
To not know the truth is my desire
For ignorance is heaven on earth

To not know how cruel this world can be
To not know what is going to happen to me
Because my destiny is known by none but fate
They know the event but not the date
On which I’ll die, without a tear in my eye
Because I will have prayed for it all to end

To not know how far gone humanity has become
To not know how much love has stung my heart
And torn apart
My life from my soul