I am extremely tired. Happiness keeps teasin me. Everytime it feels like its finally in grasp and my lifes going to be ok, it slips right out of my hands. Somebody I thought was my friend screwed up my relationship a while back. We never got over each other. I still like him alot. My boyfriend now, doesnt make me alot happier. We only see each other literally maybe three times a year so we just text. In the middle of the convErsation he’ll leave without explanation…yay. Then he acts like it never happened. I flirted with my ex and sccidently went a little too […]
Intials and names will never be erased…
Or even replaced.
Or even fade away.
So it’ll always stay.
No magic marker-
To scribble it all out.
Nor plastic surgery-
Will cover the evidence.
No… it will always stay.
I feel that I am in an ominous abyss, someone please tell me I’m not. I know that it is my own doing, but do not know how to climb out even though I wish to or just plain suffocate already. This paper bag of hope or maybe just faith is not helping the hyperventilation that comes on every time I look at reality and know I am alone; in an ominous abyss.
I was happy once. I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt like nothing could stop me. I had endless confidence. I lived in Las Vegas, and I felt like I owned the place. I didn’t always feel that way. That was 2 years ago…
I grew up being a really shy kid. I think it has a lot to do with my parents sheltering the heck out of me. Whenever something “scary” would come on TV, they would cover my eyes and act like it was horrible. They just hid […]
its that feeling you get when you have no motivation. Kind of as you’ve given up on everything. Instead of picking up your books or going for a walk or doing the dishes (it can be anything) you just lay there. all your priorities overcome by the essence of just being there and doing nothing. Does anyone know what feeling im talking about?
When she dances-
My heart starts to fly.
It goes up my lungs leaving me-
Breathless.
I try to grasp her beauty,
But she waltz away.
When I see her go-
Her eyes sparkle like gold.
Heaven is saving my soul,
Once again.
Her body glows in the light-
And I’m losing my mind.
The snow is melting turning-
In back into spring.
Oh will she stay for the night?
Make another performance,
Cause my mind is juggled up.
My knee’s grow weak-
When her scent like vanilla of a hint-
Of rose like her cheeks.
Needing a seat-
Gazing at her shiny hair.
In […]
Everyone feels sorry for the people that are physically hurt. People with broken bones get their casts signed. People with cancer get support from all corners of the earth. But what do people think of mental illnesses? They think that it’s a choice. That we can just snap out of it. And if we can’t, we should either go to a crazy house or die. We get no support except from our close ones and fellow sufferers. When someone nearly dies in a car crash, they awake to notes of love and compassion sitting next to their hospital bed. You know what I woke up […]
Okay…This has been going on for a while now..My best friend has issues, I can tell but she wont let me in to help her, she knows all about my problems and is always there when I need her but now I wish she would let me in so I can help her. Whenever I ask her if she’s okay she says ‘yea’ but I know she’s lying to me, I really don’t understand…She knows I’ve went through similar stuff to her. And when I ask her again if she’s okay she turns away and walks off… I feel like she’s pushing me away for […]
Was in a lot of pain, anguish today. Â I really only feel like anger is the only way for me to feel any sense of normalcy and it’s getting me nowhere. Â Somehow I”m still able to maintain a job, but my relationship with my supervisors is bad.
I was however able to nap. Â Usually, I’m too uncomfortable to do so. Â My body just doesn’t feel right. Â Having enough sanity to know that I’m not well does not count for me enough sometimes. Â I suppose it does represent a type or shred of sanity, but what about actually feeling good? Â It’s true, not everyone gets to feel […]
I don’t really know what to do… There’s this really cute looking guy at my support group thingie and I think I really like him the only problem is he’s gay……What do I do? I know I can’t be with him but I want to be more than friends, Should I just forget about him?
Today marks the one year anniversary of the diet that changed my entire life. One diet was the start of a long and hard downfall, one that ruined relationships and pushed my body to its limits. 5 pounds lost quickly turned to 20 pounds lost as my calorie intake headed down a steep slope. 1000 calories a day… 900… 800… then 700… 600… 500… 400… 300… 200. As I lost weight I grew weaker, I lost all energy, I could not focus at school, I bruised from the slightest things, I had chest pains, and I was dizzy all the time. But it didn’t matter, […]
Day by day goes by and stuff happens and it puts me on the edge. I hate this life its not fair. I did not choose to be born so can’t I take my own life? But truthfully and honestly I am scared shitless. I don’t know how or when I am just certain that it will happen. I had a close friend who committed suicide and it has always been a rumor how he did it. The family never told anyone. But I heard it was bloody. I dont understand how somebody can have so much courage and be so brave. I havent done a lot […]
I feel alone. Ever since I was placed in the hospital everyone thinks I was cured as soon as I got out. That’s not the case though. If anything I have gotten worse. My best friend betrayed me, I have turned back to cutting, I have turned to drugs and alcohol, and I am thinking about skipping my dosage of antidepressants everyday. I have become withdrawn and can’t trust anybody. I wish that my other two best friends could understand and help me. There are days where I want help and others where I feel hopeless. After more than two years of chronic depression, I’m […]
I want to lose weight.Â
I want to stop purging.
I want to stop eating.
I want to stop cutting.
I want to stop therapy
I want to be able to talk to people.
I want to avoid all interaction.
I want to never be noticed, ever.
I want to have friends.
I want to stop hiding.
I DON’T want anyone to know.
I want to disappear completely and completely cease to exist.
I don’t know if I want to kill myself.
You might as well love yourself…I mean why not? Everything else hasn’t worked, and hating yourself doesn’t do any good. Why go along with the crowd?
I look at myself at this stage in my life, and I wonder how I got this low. There seem to be a lot of things to hate. I live alone, have been alone for many years, I work a job where everyone thinks they are my boss, and I’ve gained more weight than I ever thought possible. Depression is lingering around, and my therapy sessions are just more self indulgent journeys on the hamster wheel.Â
One of my best friends […]
🙁 Depressed as shite today.
I don’t wanna try anymore..
Sorry don’t pay any attention to this..
the only reason i’m still here is because of my mom….i don’t think she will bear the pain finding me dead…without this i’m dead…i was vary good person…smart…good looking..i just fucked it all…why wait here for 100 years,if you can go tomorrow…..you’ll not feel pain if you dead,literally..
Now I think a little bit different about my life. My life is lonely. I should never trust someone, so I can’t get hurt. Even if someone wants to meet me, I shouldn’t trust them. Never trust someone a single word about feelings or opinions. I must become cold so I can’t get hurt again.
People aren’t continuous. They come and go like they want. Speak to you when they want, obviously nearly no one here at university wants to speak to me, but I am also not interested in talking to people who can’t understand me the slightest. Maybe they will come into my live when […]
I just got done cutting my wrist about ten minutes and i regret it!! i was just so upset and angry. My mom said that if it happens again she is going to take away my license and car. i dont want that!!!! i dont know what to do?!? I dont want her to find out but its so hott so i cant cover it up she knows by now that if i say it was the dog that im lieing! i dont know whats going to happen. i need advice.
She paints a pretty picture,
but this story has a twist.
You see her paintbrush is a razor,
and the canvas is her wrist.
From: After by Amy Efaw