A letter

Hey Everybody!

So…here I am again. Don’t really have anyone to talk to. Usually I don’t want anyone to talk to, but that makes it hard for those times when I need to talk to someone. I stopped seeing my therapist about six months ago; I lost my job and I just couldn’t afford it anymore. I see my psychiatrist about every month-and-a-half. He doesn’t say much. I take whatever he prescribes, and I think it helps a little. I don’t like him. I’m going to have to borrow money to pay for my next refill. I’ve got insurance but there’s a copay.

I need to make more money but I don’t know how.

I’m going on a date tomorrow. One of my friends set me up with him. I haven’t been on a date in a few years. He seems like a decent guy; he’s definitely interested in me (maybe too interested). We’ve been texting. He says that I seem like an ‘amazing’ person and that he thinks it’s strange that I’ve been single for so long. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’m moody and reclusive and a bit of a loser. He’s about a foot taller than me and more than twice my weight, which is really strange (he’s a football player and I was able to find his stats). I really don’t want to go, but I suppose I will.

I’ve been feeling like shit lately. I don’t want to kill myself. I’m afraid it won’t work, and that I’d just feel even worse (and incapacitated). It would be great if there was just an OFF button.

Today I got really angry, but I don’t remember why. There’s a huge charcoal stain on my carpet that I’m afraid I won’t be able to get out before the landlady sees it. I like to break things when I get angry. I’ve been trying not to do that lately.

I feel like I’ve become really stupid over the past year.

Peace out,

Cser