Hello im elena. Im 17 years of age and i am suicidal. There is not one day that goes by that i don’t think of suicide. I am going through severe depression. I feel like everyone in the world is fake to me i hate myself, i really do. I look at myself in the mirror and think to myself i am so ugly,fat,useless,worthless. No boy really likes me for me? They just wan’t me for other things not to really love me. I cry myself to sleep everyday because of how much i really hate what i have become. Why is that i feel […]

well its been a while since I’ve been on or written anything. on monday i had my doctors appointment for my physical and mental health… they definitely suggested i go to therapy. tho i am signed up to go. had a blood test so they can figure out whats wrong with me physically. i have this low energy problem or what ever the test hasn’t come back yet. they asked a lot go questions, about my cutting and depression, asked about my sister and how she treats me..
my boyfriend left me a month ago… he came back last monday telling me how stupid he […]

sorry this is kinda all over the place…..
i feel like im drowning. Drowning In expectations, school work, and emotions. My gpa is fucking shot. Gone. Down the toilet along with any hopes into getting into a decent college. and forget about being in the top of my class…. I don’t even know how many classes I failed this past grading period. Fuck. What am I supposed to do? My father wants me to get a ‘full ride’ scholarship for basketball…but I can’t do it…besides I want to tell him that a funeral is cheaper than college anyways.
It doesn’t matter what I do. It’s […]

Well hi. This is my first post here. It’s now 00:50, I sit here unable to clear my thoughts or even control them. And this next thing sounds horrible because I am generally a happy person but, I just want to hurt myself so bad right now. I don’t know why. I feel bad for being me. I don’t generally do much right. Although it seems when I do something right I’m put down by my friends. I just feel sorry for my existence lately. I try to pick myself up and keep my thoughts positive but for the past few months I just have […]

Not knowing were to turn is a heavy burden. Should I turn left, or right? Life was good for me but since this year everything has went downhill. Not knowing how to get rid of all of my excess pain I do drugs, drink liquor, starve my self, cut my self, and most of the time get ready to commit suicide. I don’t know why everything has been bad for me this past year, sometimes I think its karma but my whole life I’ve always put other in front of me and have done everything in my will power to help people. Other times I think that its a sign that life […]

I haven’t posted on here for a while because I thought I was beginning to feel a bit better, just today though I realised nothings better. Unemployed, hopeless, boring, waste of space, scared and pathetic are a few words to describe me. I think the only way I’m ever gonna improve is if I leave this god forsaken country (Scotland). The arrogance of people here and the same routine of going out getting drunk and making fools of yourself every weekend just isn’t what I thought life was about. Even going to the football at the weekends is getting repetitive and I never thought I’d […]

Lifes to short to put that kind of energy into some one that won’t step up and be real with u and themselfs. And sometimes we do go through life with blinders on and we get confused when they leave us and then they want us back when there done having fun !!,-_- but I think we are the last of a dieing bread and I’m sorry. People don’t see it ya were all human but there are different blood lines and for some reason I feel that most of the people on this site are somehow conected. If u take the time and […]

Damn. That song brings back so many memories. Happy-ish Memories from happier times.

Basically, I’m thinking of doing ‘it’. I don’t want to be around anymore… I’m sick of life and all it has to throw at me. It’s not going to get better like everyone keeps telling me. I want it to stop. I think… My mental health is also getting worse… I don’t want to be the crazy one. I did want to stick around for my nephews, watch them grow up… be happy with them. Looks like that isn’t going to happen. They will be ok without me. I know it. And sure, […]

my worst enemy is soo stupid. i fear being at home, not because of my parents. my 8 year old sister. who insults me with no stop making me feel low. words arent enough for her though if its not her way i pay the price, i get a new scar. im 6 years older then she is and honestly scared as hell of seeing her. she is manipulating, violent, a liar, cruel, its horrible i have to say this stuff about my own sister when we should be like best friends or close to it, nope we are enemies i drive my parents crazy […]

I’m here for the same reasons as everyone. I am wondering what people think about whether or not to leave a suicide note or not. People will be sad either way, its just whether a note will give some closure or make it harder.

Please let me know what you think.

So here I am after a sucidal attempt; as one can see a failed one. Instead of dying, I ended up in hospital on a ward for 24 hours, i saw my mothers tears and I never wish anyone to be in that possition . 5 Days later I question myself wether what i did was right? or wether i wish the outcome would have been a different one. On one hand we try ending our lifes because we simply cannot cope with what goes on around us or because we cannot cope with ourself’s, we try commiting it with many ways not realising what […]

I can’t do this anymore.

My name is Paulie, my last name never revealed. I was a tunkhannock kid. Born with ASD, rejected by my father because he never believed I had it. I was verbally and physically abused as a small child because I was different. My mother took care of me the most, I was afraid of my father, everytime I looked in his eyes, I could see hatred in them. After my parents went through a messy divorce, I went to visit my father again, but as always I was afraid of him. He was short tempered, barely saw him because he was fighting in the war. […]

I love the rain…because it hides my tears.

He said, “I love you even at your darkest moments” Romans 5:8
God is with you, stay STRONG… even when you can’t feel or bring yourself to believe it is truth.
You are not alone, the entire universe lives inside you. Space is darkness sprinkled with light, life, death, possiblitiy, adventure, sorrow will bring you to strength.
Your mind will quit a million times, yet your body wills you to fight on… Stay strong
IT WILL HURT. It will take time. It will require dedication. It will require willpower. You will need to make healthy decisions. It requires sacrifice. You will need to push your […]

I have come to a decision that I can not win against bent Merseyside Police Officers, you know who you are DC JH & the community & the contract that was placed on my head with the Russian Mafia & members of my fathers drug dealing family.

Where shall I begin……Just over 2 years ago I was rapped, tortured,interrogated and pumped full of heroin and other drugs until I talked….Which I did and the confessions that I made that night were not entirely accurate, they were well off the mark.  But when your trial involves you being tied up & tortured by a load of coke […]

ok..so im hopelessly confused. im loyal, il doin anything for people,i consider everyone a friend, il keep your secrets, my friends and family come first in life. yet my parents insult me my sister hits me im a cutter iv been depressed since i was 11 its been 3.5 yrs now. im called every swear word known to man at school. im stared at im shunned yet i seem to make all of this look like a lie by covering it up acting like a perfectly healthy teen. somedays i pull throughother days people broke my “wall” and i fell in a ditch that i […]

Look at me,
See what you did-
Leaving this mess you have placed.
No forgiveness has takened or been said-
Cant you read right through me?
Dont you try to reach out for my hand-
I’m lost and scared,
Of the real imagery of myself.
Why is this killing me softly-
A bitter taste of shame-
You’re crawling out of my veins.
The coldness slithers down my spine,
Please take yourself all back-
Not another memory.
Cause I have engraved-
And wasted to many days.
I have called out for help-
But my shouts didn’t pass-
The Ocean Breeze.
The sand is grabbing my legs-

The man on the piano plays the tune-
To bring the spirits that still-
Ponder on this earth.
And the man on the strings-
Brings happiness of tear,
In the humans eyes-
When he cannot depise-
That all souls,
Cannot move on-
With there used to be lives.
No he can touch-
The regret and loneliness-
That these ghosts have brought-
With their grave.
But do they wait?
For the loved ones they have tried to save-
In the accidents of shame.
Or do they not leave-
Cause they promised they-
Will walk upon heaven,
With them on there side.
When the man that stand […]

I don’t usually rant but hey what’s up? Sigh, so someone texts me saying sorry. Most likely one of my “friends” apologizing for calling me whore and other names. I’m looking at it and interested who it is, but at the same time not. Knowing their apology will do shit. They’ve already did their damage. So why apologize? It makes me laugh kinda actually. Like people say ignore it be tough. But it still affects you, then when they realizing. You want to take their head and slam it against a wall shouting- You don’t know anything walk away don’t ever apologize to me ever […]