Only He can make my blood stains white as snow.
Only He can make me feel alive once again.
I sit here and I see all these people living around me. I see their happiness. I see them fill one another up. And I can’t seem to fill anyone or be filled myself. I am a black hole. And there are sometimes where I can barely form coherent thoughts through the pain. Not just loneliness, but pure pain. And no matter what I do, it never gets any better. It’s times like these when I understand why I have to die. Dying will be merciful, a release from everything I cannot be.
im so scared in a couple hours i will be going to my firist therapy. i dont know if it will help or just make things worse. can i really tell her my whole life. the life my parents dont know. is she going to ask the last time i tried to hurt/kill myself. will i have to go every week or once a month just so confusing….
Please don’t leave.
Don’t be like everyone else, making false promises and saying you’ll always be there
only to disappear
Be the one I can see when I turn my head, looking back at me with a reassuring smile
or the one that is on the side stage, cheering me on as I face the world
The one holding my hand as we walk through the crowded streets.
The one.
Don’t leave me hanging
as you get distracted by another situation and go to see what it is
to come back a second too […]
My story starts when I was in high school, I was just an average teenager there never really stood out, however I did get picked on a bit, I was getting good grades in physics chemistry and calculus but I always felt like something was missing. When I was 15 I started experimenting with drugs, extacy and alcohol mostly and I also started boxing. Although boxing was good for me physically I had a lot of built up anger inside me, maybe learning how to hurt people wasn’t the smartest decision for me to make. It made me feel good the the crack on the pads […]
Oke. So last night one of my friends asked me if I wanted to join her to travel through Thailand for a month in the summer. I was looking myself for things to do in the summer. I don´t want to stay here, thats for sure. I thought maybe visit some family in Greece, but thats, just the same as always.
I would love to travel to Thailand actually. I would love to go to Australia and New zealand too, but that would be a different trip. Ive been talking about travelling and adventures my entire life, but since five years I guess (since the weed) […]
Dear whomever this may concern, or those who may care,
You are probably wondering right now what you may have done to prevent this or if you even could. The answer is maybe, thought probably not, this decision in the end will be all mine and not yours, so no, it was probably going to happen eventually. I know that you are probably asking yourself why? Well, that is a very easy question to answer. It is because no matter how much people love you and try their best to give you solace, it is not enough to satisfy someone if they feel utterly alone in […]
I feel dizzy and cold I feel lifeless almost I’ll my skin feels like ice every sound sounds like it’s miles away..it’s starting to slowly kick in curled upbin a closet and hope not to lose my sanity that’s left…or is already all gone? But I’m so exhausted..just for now …I’m sleeping see how I feel in the morning…
When every day sucks, it makes the semi good days seem like miracles…i could really use one of those
While I write this i fear of the pain i will cause with this simple action,
But i will confess the true. I have been trying to kill myself for a few
months now. I was learning electrons to make my own defibrillator and will be able to fine all my research under Research on Defibrillations. (Tomboy notes) After a month or two upon finding out that this will not work, I tried to overdose on aspirin. When i didn’t die i did some more research and found out that the mortality rate for an aspirin overdose of more than 300 mg/kg is less than […]
i just want one person to tell me im worth trying to save
” … Before you smile, you gotta cry sometimes … ”
http://youtu.be/6ZNn0O31Fz0
” … believe in higher dreams and reach for the sky.”
flight instructor dawg
So, this is odd I’ve never let out but now I don’t know I feel its necessary to put this out there I feel as if nothing truly matters anymore and I just don’t seem to care about anything including my own life by now..And also I’ve been so depressed and unhappy I know oh woe is me…I just feel the need to write this, I’ve never been truely happy it’s been so long I numb this pain that I occasionally get with pills alcohol and drugs and I feel great like nothigs wrong and lately I started to get the itch to do it […]
So no matter what happens, who I’m with, what they say or anything at all…I always feel alone and unwanted. the tiniest comment, even a look and I think I should leave and go back to just living in my head..sometimes it feel like I want to crawl into those thoughts again like a small child crawling into and cuddling close inside their favourite blanket and no matter what happens, I ALWAYS want to be there…even when I’m happy. for however short it lasts.
I’ve been suicidal for so many years, I’m pretty much not even hiding it, yet nobody fucking care, I can tell you that. When I first decided I wanted to end with life, I was like “ok I’m done with life, maybe I can just have fun before I do”, that resumed playing video games day and night, and staying locked up in my bedroom at least I was having fun. Only getting out at night to eat when I know my parents are asleep. This dragged on and on always like “let’s do that one more day”. I live on the day by day […]
Worst day ever. I’m so tired of people I feel like everyone hates me all the time. I really just want to die more than anything.
Ever since June 9, 2008…. I am embarrassed to admit that it may be June 8th of that year, but that day was probably the worst day of my life. A lot of shit went down, that day was like a fucking movie it was so unreal. Some days I tell myself it never happened, as for that is the only way I can cope with it. This world is simply a ball of shit. Hypocrites living out their every day contradictions. Those claiming to be “real” but whose lives are built up on lie after lie, after lie, after lie…. People claiming they love […]
I’ve so often thought of suicide, but when I hear that word it seems inappropriate to convey what I really want. The truth is I just want an ending. I want to be free from the expectations of parents and people around me, free of the worry for money or to have a social standing. I’ve been going to college for 3 years and they haven’t been very happy. Now I flunked cell biology and my moms cutting me off, and spoke to me with the most sincere sense of disappointment. She said she loved me but I saw no love in her words. It’s […]
Recently I have become a member of this website, I thought maybe it will help me change my mind, maybe it will give me more time to decide what I want to do. And it did, reading your guys post made me give myself a week, and if nothing got better then I knew for a fact that i’d be done with it all. Luckily , on the 3rd day of giving myself a chance it changed, the hottest boy in the school asked me out. For years all the girls said I would never have a chance with the quarter back, and what now, […]
Everyone at school hates me beacuse of my scars, because im a lesbian, because im different, cause i smoke, drink and do drugs. Im the neighbourhood weirdo and everyones afraid to talk to me. Im all alone. Ive been cutting for 5 years now and still found no escape. Ive been out for 2 years (sorta only certain people really know) and i feel that i smoke drink and do drugs as an escape. No one understands what im going through. So the whole point of this is to find a point. If i have no freinds, no girlfriend, no life, my bodys barely working whats the […]