I want to leave this world and go the way my son took. He took ******** and it sounds most painless. I hope I will see him again soon -I miss him and need to know why.

There is so much I want to say but so little words that could describe how I feel (and have been feeling for the past few years.) The ones that immediately come to mind include: Tired, apathetic, and hopeless.

I am generally thought of as a happy person because I am always seen smiling whether I’m at work or at school. It’s even to the point that people always laugh at me for smiling so much. The truth is I hate it. I hate smiling, I hate laughing because I just don’t want to. Why should I have to anyways?  My school life is a mess […]

Its a long list dedicated to the people who ruined  any chance of happiness for me..

To the  guy who raped me at a party where i drank to much then denied it, then continued to harass me and put me in situations where im just as vulnerable.

To the guy who i dated for 2 years, told everything to, then who told everyone.

To the girl who fed my addiction, taught me about cutting, bought me a razor, and ever since the first time i’ve did it, i’ve done it every single night since.

To the ex best friend who left me in my most desperate state.

To my […]

… before I just throw my hands in the air and cry out, “I quit.”

Hi there, if you don’t kno what’s wrong and ur just hurting with no explanation, the explanation is you are having a depressive episode. This is a feeling exactly like uv described that can be caused by stress, low blood sugar, a traumatic event , dream, or memory, or a hormone imbalance. It is totes normal and the best ways I’ve found to survive an episode are to -eat something, anything you are able to eat is good. If the first thing you eat is sugary like juice or candy, follow it up with something more substantial like bread, meat, pasta, rice, etc. Drink lots […]

So im apologizing…again…because he wants to put me down..Im apologizing…again..because he wants to argue…im apologizing…again..because he doesnt believe that i dont want my best friend…im apologizing…again…because i wont stop being friends with my best friend…im apologizing…again..because he had another girl in his bed and he thinks that i’ll get revenge on him by doing the same…Why am i apologizing? I did nothing wrong…right?

I don’t think I want to die. I don’t really want to live though. I’ve dug myself into a hole and I don’t see a way out. I dropped out of college twice, I lost my job, I tried to kill myself, I spent two weeks in the psych ward, I don’t have friends anymore. How am I supposed to bounce back from that? I’m starting from nothing and I don’t have the energy to do anything drastic enough to make my life better. I’m not even sure how I could do that.

Some people tell me to suck it up, stop feeling sorry for myself, […]

I’ve decided to do it. You’ve all heard my story. I appreciate all the positive comments I’ve gotten. You all are so much stronger than I am. I’m going to a much better place. One where there is no pain or hate, no judgement. Only void. I’m going to join my best friend. To join My ex. To join All the others who saw this world for the horrible damned place that it is. Those of you who still believe in hell, even if I go there, I’ll be happier than I will be living here. To my parents who will find this while invading […]

Idk why but for some reason evreything has gone horribly wrong tonight and I am contemplating attempting suicide again but this time i want it to work unlike my past attempts where i have obviously failed.

NOTHING IS WORTH IT.
. LIFE
. DREAMS
. HOPE

Everything seems pointless
Everyone looks uncaring

Reality is rude and unbreakable
Illusion is even ruder and unreal

LIFE IS POINTLESS, UNCARING, RUDE,
Dreams are ruder because they are just unreal
And my hope can get hopeless so don’t break it.

Well. My best friend is dead, and now my ex killed herself too. I’m like a fucking walking deathnote. I honestly can’t feel a thing anymore. All I feel is pain. I’ve lost everything. My best friend, my friends, my grades, my music, my health. All that’s left to lose is my life. who or what will take that away from me? At this rate, it will be myself.

Do you love your Cat? Do you love any music? Do you love to write? Do you love a good movie? Even if you answer no at this moment to any of those questions, is the answer yes at other times? Depression is like having your outlook switch switched to negative and the only way you can see your world is thru glasses of boredom or hate. This is not the Full and Real You…it’s like a mean alter ego that’s trying to destroy you…don’t let it! You can outlast the depression monster, and other folks are here to help u do that! Just keep […]

I pushed someone I loved away from me. Someone beautiful who loved me back, loved me without hesitation. I acted terribly and I still don’t know why. It’s months and months later and I still haven’t gotten over it. I’ve run my friends ragged with this and I’m about out of options. I don’t WANT to kill myself but the pain of knowing it’s all my fault simply won’t leave. I see no other way out. I guess it’s what I deserve.

i just don’t see a point to (my) life.
i have no goals.
i have no dreams.
i have no ambitions.

i can do almost anything that i want to and all i want to do is lie in bed all day every day.

i hate shopping and materialism.
i hate smalltalk.
i hate socializing.
i hate people especially judgmental people.
i hate sports.
i hate drinking/bars.
i hated every school i went to.
i’ve hated every job i’ve had. my job serves no purpose.
i hate paying bills. i have the money i just hate the process.

why am i so full of hate? i get bored […]

hey guys! if you have a twitter, tweet a few of your rays of sunshine under the hashtag, #MyRaysOfSunshine! i just want to see how many we can get tweeted! who knows, we may just start a trend! @sillybabypanda

Thanks so much for the positive feedback! It really means the world to me. I’m so happy that I’m actually getting through  to even just one of you. If I could help inspire just one person in the slightest bit, then all these posts are absolutely worth every second of my time. Each and everyone of you are worth it.
You guys are my sunshine. So beautiful and so vital. I hope you guys realize that you’re all so special.
I don’t know what caused you to give up on yourselves, but no matter what the reason is, there is hope and things […]

Soo..today is mine & my boyfriend’s one month anniversary..I know it doesn’t seem like much, but we’ve actually been together since October 5th..That’s about 5 & a half months<3
I may not be IN love with him (yet), but I definitely love him..he means the world to me. I'm just saying, I think there's someone special out there for everyone that can help you get through whatever it is you're going through just like he's helping me..(:

-Shannon;*

It hurts so much I can’t move, I can’t think, I can barely breathe.

I just wish I had a friend, someone who I could really talk to.  But there just isn’t anyone, not anymore.

when i said more to come, i meant it!
apples, of course 😉
playing in the rain
splashing around in puddles
crazily dancing where no one can see me in my room
singing in the shower
camping
being the hero in younger girls’ eyes
barelypolitical’s youtube channel
and mattmitch1, too
all the love from y’all
music (is in my soul)
chinese food
knowing i made a difference, no matter how small
being a techie
taking beautiful photos
books, books, and more books
movies. especially in theatre.
our crazy lunches at school
taking fashion risks
getting compliments
giving compliments
ice cream
ghirardelli sublime white vanilla dream white chocolate squares (hint hint)
seeing all the comments posted on my posts when i check in
stargazing
sleeping under the stars
swimming in a lake
sloths
baby pandas, […]