It doesnt stop

it sneaks up and pops right in.

unwelcomed it comes,

knock knock.

i try to lock it away,

push it back

swallow it down.

the hits just keep rolling.

one day ill be free

the question is when?

al fin hay nada. No hay dolor ni olor. Solo Paz. La Paz que Estoy buscando. Mis padres se puede vete al infierno con todo el mundo que me odia. chingase. Chinga toda. Mi vida es mierda y no va a mejorar. Solo vuelva peor y Estoy enferma de esa. Qiero morir. Ya querido por años pero no tengo la valedida a matarme. No puedo vivir pero no puedo morir. Mierda.

I fucking hate my job. i hate it with a passion. its part time and i dont make money from it. the people there are horrible i cant stand some of them i feel like they all talk shit behind my back. it makes my anxiety worse when i feel like this. i get in trouble for things i didnt do or “didnt do by policy” wtf? why does it have to be so friggin complicated? i get up every morning get on a bus to get there i come at least a half hour early. i clock in by myself on time, i stand […]

i was doing good. I had gone a week without a single relapse. But then, like something wanted me to do it, I found my razor on the floor, just sitting there. It wasnt there before. But there it was. All the pain and suffering I feel, all the hate and frustration I have, it all hit me at once. And there was my ticket to euphoria… Relapse number four since I left the mental hospital… Proof that I’m too far gone to save anymore.

I can’t concentrate. I always think about him. I day dream about him everyday and dream about him almost every night. I’m sad when I don’t talk to him. And he’s the only one who can make me happy. When he’s in a bad mood. So am I. When he’s sad. So am I. I can’t stop thinking about him! 

Is this love? 

Like in that one song that goes like “love is what you want it to be. It is haven to the lonely”. I think that’s really true! 

-Morgan……RawrImaTurtle…

Ps:I sill feel broken inside tho. But not when I talk to him. He makes me forget my […]

I saw this lady commit suicide. I was in the car with my mom. I saw a car in the ditch. I didn’t really think anything of it. A ways up I saw a lady standing by the side of the road. I told my mom to be careful because I thought she may be crossing. There was a truck in front of us. The lady jumped under the back wheels of the truck. My mom slammed on the brakes and we came to a stop only a few feet from her bloody body. She moved for a few seconds and then just stopped. She […]

Feeling better today after I spent about 3 or 4 hours in pure physical and mental agony. Agony! I wanted someone to come lift me out of bed, to carry me downstairs so I could function and work, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. So I went on the internet trying to solve it that way. I had to go on the internet and look up those groups of people that write about common experiences. The one I was looking at today was “people abandoned by their moms” (share your story!) and I really did not expect to feel better at first, but […]

It is truly hard to say.
But today has become the day.
Swearing to be more.
All to hear your every adore..
I do not want to be adored..
I’d much rather be ignored.
My hate envelopes me.
My blood it falls for only thee.
I once said I’d die without you.
But I never asked what you would do.
Ive sharpened my knife and said my good word.
Though it may never be heard.
Hardly can one accept my means to an end but..
It’s so much easier to bleed by the cut.
I once screamed to your face and begged for your love.

Why say sorry if you don’t mean it
Why ask me to cuddle if you don’t want me near you like tell me to stop if you give me what I need to keep going by keep me around if we don’t like it off

You enjoy seeing me cry you think you feel better to know you hurt me why ask me to do for you but you won’t do for me what’s wrong with the quality

My List Of Kickass Music That Some Of You May Like:

1. Tricky-Wash My Soul

2. Tricky-Poems

3. Tricky-Christiansands

4. Massive Attack-Dissolved Girl

5. Massive Attack-Risingson

6. Massive Attack-Live With Me

7. Portishead-Roads

8. Portishead-Wandering Star

9. Portishead-Glory Box

10. Silversun Pickups-Lazy Eye

11. Silversun Pickups-Rusted Wheel

12. Silversun Pickups-Catch and Release

13. Azam Ali-In Other Worlds

14. Niyaz-Dunya

15. Niyaz-Sadrang

16. Niyaz-Tamana

This List Is Songs I’ve Been Listening To For The Past Month. I Love Them Like Friggin Crazy

Please talk to me after you read…..I need…idk..

Tonight is the night
Through my hate and demise.
I sit, waiting in fright.
In darkness blinded by my own surprise.

Weeping for hours.
And screaming in tears.
Walking through towers and showers ,
Through my own bloody tears.

What is the sound I hear in my mind.
Ofcourse it’s the sound I know all to well…laughing and jeers
To some,it would be of some wicked crime

I grabbed my military issued knife and tied a gag
As I slowly but surely cut my wrists
Watching slowly as the blood drips in a bag..
Wishing more hate apon my soul in […]

Holly bearly posted “kiss me before we o.d” and It already has 223 views,that’s crazy!I’m sorry I know I always tell you that.If everyones on here then talk!Don’t be shy.Obviously alot of people are on riqht now.Im pretty sure someone I haven’t even seen Is on.I thouqht there were only about 50 people on this site lol but I quess there’s more so let’s talk!

my name is kat. i’m 17, and i’m on this site because I feel like..
I have nowhere to turn anymore. clinical depression never get easier. i’m so young, I have so much to live for. but, depression drains you. Emotionally and physically. I spend my days on the couch thinking. that’s all. just thinking. when you have all the time in the world, you get lost in your mind.
when your mind is as tired as mine, you go mad.
insane.
the medication makes no difference. what I need is support. i feel too weak to give myself enough the push I need to […]

my first depressing thought is when i was told that they wished me dead. but i was teased all of my life. but back then it was no big deal now i am so upset i come home everyday from school and cry

have you ever felt left out? have you ever felt so unwanted? My bestfriend has said and started rumors about me and wont answer my texts, but I know shes there. people call me a ginger, im not A ginger i just have a red tint to my hair! it seems like they all hate me and that the world would be better without me. ME is a word i thought was pretty, smart, nice, and funny but it turns out at night I find myself crying and thats not ME. I want the things to back to the way they were last year, everything was perfect. this […]

I have made a mistake. I had no idea until one day I realized that what I did was bad. I could not explain it because no one believes me. I have been living with regret day by day and the pain is still heavily in my heart. I cannot keep going on anymore. I have no choice and no way to live.

Ever since before i was born almost 17 years ago has my family been fucked up.

I have such high expectaions to live up too, and YES this includes suicide.

My uncle killed my aunt, and then killed himself

My cousin committed suicide left a note for his family that read “I’m in the shed”

I have no fucking way out.

MY PARENTS think i’m okay, i’m really not.

Ever since high school started 3 years ago, i’ve been hiding the fact that i cry my self to sleep and that i wish to die. I’ve been close, so many times but i’m lucky to have such a friend to help […]

I know what you’re thinking… “I’m going to tell this depressed person, either to contact professional medical help, call mom dad family or friend, just don’t do it because all life should be valued.”

Please don’t tell me this again. I’ve been to countless therapists over the course of my entire life so far. All I want is for someone to understand why I would want to kill myself, not just make me feel stupid for wanting to, or telling me that God has all the answers, or make me feel bad for being selfish that I want to kill myself. I just want someone to […]

class just ended and i am trying to get myself together.  I don’t know if anyone even reads this but it feels good to be writing to someone other than myself all the time.  i am so confused and so lost as to why I feel the way I do.  it’s been ten years since i’ve been suicidal and for some reason i can’t get it out of my head and my body wants it but I don’t but I can’t stop it no matter what i do.  i feel like it is inevitable that it will get the better of me.  what am i […]

I had a thought on the bus today. I can’t remember all of it. But I was listening to some piano music and looking out the window, so many things went through my head. It’s not cold today, but a fresh layer of snow covers everything, it looks like its at least -30 c. I’m sick today. I didn’t want to go to school, but the medicine I had this morning worked enough. Despite staying up tell 3 am, I’m wide awake.

I don’t know why I’m depressed today but I am. I’d rather be alone or with my best friend than talk to anyone today. […]