no, i myself am not suicidal. although, i have stared at items and things that i could use to end my life and have thought through a scenario as if i had injured or killed myself. i’ve never shared any of this on the internet. only one person knows i have had slight thoughts to kill myself. but lets get to why i’m here. i’m here because i’m hurt. i can’t take the emotional pain anymore.

about 8 years ago, my father killed himself. i was about 8 years old. my sister was about 2 or 3 so she doesnt really remember and is not effected much by […]

Death, Just one simple word that can change everything.

Good afternoon all,

 I’m a Washington DC filmmaker finishing my 1st film titled Catch the Bus

(CTB). CTB is a phrase that means to commit suicide. I 1st learned of this

term while reading an article about teen suicides in the US.

 My film touches on a lot of the feelings that young & old people have that

push them to the brink of despair.

 In order to finish my project I started a kickstarter.com page to help fund

post-production cost. Kickstarter is a new way to fund creative projects of

any kind (music, film, art, etc) through donations. Each project must reach

its goal (for us it’s $5,000) in the allotted timeframe (for […]

I am unable to keep this up. I just can’t. I want to go so badly. I am in so much crushing debilitating pain. Everything I thought I knew, thought I had is gone. Apparently never was. I can’t live in a world where that is true. I have been staying for unknown reasons. I went to therapy I took their drugs and now I am left with even less. Everything that was once me is now gone. I am gone. I am already dead. I am so sad for what is gone, for what will never be. I don’t understand this life. I feel […]

He left… I found out through out the last year.. He’s been cheating.. Until each time he left. Then he cheated on them. He used me.

Today i am willing to say i do not want to cut anymore. I want to be alive. It has taken me about a year or four to figure this out. Its a hard process. And im hoping this isnt just a good day … but for everyone out there who is on the edge of killing them self. I want you to know this. I AM PROUD OF YOU. You can admit to yourselfs that you are hurting. That your not okay. It takes alot to admit that. An i dont know how many of you will listen to me. But im saying i […]

Boo, my scarredy Boo

My brave Mister Man

Mister Boo

This space reserved for when my empty brain can come up with something more profound to say.

I miss you buddy – RIP

lost dawg

What society and God expects of me is hard. i don’t know if i can bear this burden, but no matter how sad i get i cannot give up.

I’m losing my mind. I want to be alone. My thoughts are evil and they scare me. I can’t sleep…..when I do I dream and the dreams scare me because when I wake up sometimes I’m convinced they happened….

I feel like I’m living two lives sometimes. I don’t get it it’s confusing. I feel guilty and selish for wishing to be done. Then feel trapped and sick.

Why can’t I just feel normal?

This is my first time here, and all I want to say is that I want to die, but I don’t want to hurt myself. Last year my dog, my grandma and my dad died, it was like hell. It’s hell. I know how stupid it could be if I try to kill myself and fail. Once I took lots of pills because I was raped, I didn’t know how to ask for help and my mother just told me that I was a ***** and I wanted to be raped. I fell in love with my brother, he asked me to live with him […]

I clearly have no idea what is wrong with me. I have been diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and adjustment disorder..slightly bipolar on the side. What is wrong with me? I am 25, a loving family and boyfriend, but it always feels that I am lacking something on the inside. Why is it?

My family is very close knit. Very orthodox in some issues and very protective, which i think is good to some point. My relationship with my boyfriend [of 5 years] is somehow confusing. Though he keeps telling me he loves me, he also keeps on blaming me for everything wrong with his life, […]

I’ve started this post and deleted multiple times since I first logged in. Because the truth is I read the description for schizoid personality disorder but I haven’t been diagnosed, and if I do have it, I probably won’t be diagnosed because there is no way I’m going to talk to someone about this. And no one will probably guess I feel this way because of the way I act. Nearly all the time around other people I can smile, joke, and get along just fine. I don’t feel anxious talking to people and can communicate fine, about things that don’t matter. Work, school, the […]

I wasn’t meant to be here, on this earth. I don’t want to be, not anymore. That’s ok though, because this isn’t where I belong. So when I leave, I’m going to find my way home, go where I really can be happy. I can’t wait to get there. I know when I arrive they’ll be happy to see me. They’ll ask where I’ve been all this time, and I’ll tell them about how I took the wrong exit on the interdimensional highway. And then we’ll be together.

I’ve never posted here before, I feel too horrible to write much about myself yet.. But I might be pregnant which will give me something to live for….but I won’t know for a week or two still…so right now, I will slice up my arm, wear long sleeves and listen to music to try and feel better…augghh ftw -_________-

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me. I wish I was of thoses popular girl were they have. Evrything when they want it and how they want it. I wish I had the money the clothes . They look at me and laugh. I have acne thick eye brows black hair never wears make up . I’m a kinda girl the would wear sweats before anything else. Walk a mile in my shoes and let me walk a mile in yours. Come see how it feel to be teased all day because of this and that. Come. And I ll show you the tear I shed […]

Hey all. Up until 5 days ago, I cut myself every night. I decided I need to stop. It was not helping anymore, and it was becomming a huge problem. or should I say it is a big problem. yeah.. yeah  it is. Today I couldnt help myself. I cant cope with reality. I feel like we have no purpose. We are born, we die. There is nothing to live for. Im lost in the universe. Im just afraid of what is and what there could be. And all the shit going on in my life. Moving, parents divorce, alcoholic dad, annoying sisters. no one […]

so tommoro i have to go back to school at home im trying to keep a smile on my face when im at home but really inside i just feel so alone i just dont think schhool is for me i hate going im always scared to get up in the morning and going to 1 2  3 4 5  6 period eveeryday. dealing with people around that i know are better skinner than mee i hate seeing that:( i just dont know what to do in my back of my mind its telling me cutt it out of you but i kno thtas bad […]

I’ve always had that feeling like you wana die. Yeah you ever had that feeling. Well I do everynight of my life. I can be happy depressed or mad I still wana die. I hold a knife in my hand and fall sleep like that what goes through my head the most is…… will I be missed? But my question hasn’t been anwsered yet. Will I? I write in my notes on my phone what I’m feeling everynight this is what it says.
Depression depression drepression depression drepression depression drepressiondepression drepression depression drepression like I can’t hellp. What people see in my eyes is a […]

So I haven’t really wrote in a while . A lot of things have happened since than. Me the boy is fightin . I wish my parents didn’t try to make me perfect I’m just me can’t you see. I ain’t perfect and I’m not trying to be so why should I walk around acting perfect that’s not me

What my parents what me to be(perfect):
A prep
Good grades
Good looking boyfriend
Well known
Liked by many
Finish school
Get a job
Have kids

What I am now(unprefect):
Hangs out with the drugies
Okay grades
My boyfriends is cute
Well known for being a whore
Everyone […]

My tears are gone,

I have spent so much time filling the ocean,

So that the seven seas,

Become eight.

Who can answer me better than me,

I don’t know how to shout,

So instead I love myself,

Because who else would do it?

I have this infatuation,

And it whispers salvation,

Because I can’t save myself unless I am saving others,

So when my job is done,

Saving becomes a distant plan,

My brain has had time to breathe,

But how did I know that it would be snuffed in the fumes of carbon monoxide and failure,

I am high on disappointment,

Have you ever felt like Peter Pan?

I once flew to Netherland,

And it was there where I learned the […]