for about 9 or so years i had lived in a small judgmental town.. i was continuesly bullied.. to the piont where the only friend i had were the plenty of cuts on my arm… i thaught if people felf sorry for me maybe they would be nice.. stupidest mistake i ever made.. it only got worse.. i attempted cuicide and ended up in the hospital.. they all beleaved it was fake.. i went by emo, slut , cocksuking *****, druggie, crazi skitzofranic, and other.. i was suspended tree times of drug use ..and had stoped coming to school.. one day i was put in […]
I’m not bipolar. I’m multipolar. Every emotion I feel is too much. I’ve thought about this a lot lately. Anxiety is my core feeling — truly the mother to all of my other feelings. Imagine that for a minute. Some of it makes sense, stuff like fear, sadness, or paranoia should stem from anxiety. But joy or happiness or love, the best and most important feelings to have, coming from anxiety? How ridiculous!
Living this way leads to a lot of extreme behavior. Edginess is the norm. Acting out is common. In the past year and a half, I’ve bought a house, gotten a divorce, lost […]
Does anyone enjoy solitude as much as I do? I haven’t left the house in 4 days and I’ve been quite happy… I couldn’t go on for too long though because I’d get lonely…but I’ve enjoyed the freedom and not having to worry about the things I normally worry about … being around others for too long just drains me at times. Ahhh, splendid isolation.
The idea of actually going through with suicide has never crossed my mind until this very moment… I mean you think about it but yearning it is a very different feeling. I’m not afraid of the pain, it can’t hurt as bad as what I’m going through and yes I know, people on this site and out in the world have a lot more problems than I do. Hell, if I could, I would fix everyone’s problems, no one should worry about having no money, losing a job, not being able to afford food or water, being sick or worse yet losing someone. No one […]
Haven’t slept for 3 days and I have a feeling this might be the 4th.no ones except me and some kids in my class who was actually concerned about why I’m so tired all the time. Well the first 2 days were spent with me getting yelled at for falling asleep in class do today I decided that I wasn’t gonna get yelled at again,I drank an energy this morning and had a whole bunch of caffeine that kept me up and about all day but I was still out of it.i don’t know what I’m gonna do about tomorrow though just because I’m broke […]
I just wanted to make sure that if I needed to do it, it would be there for me. I tried it out briefly, put it on myself. I think it might be lethal if I’ve set it up right. I could probably make it more of a sure thing with alcohol. Maybe things will get better. I feel so weak. I’m afraid that if people know, they’ll take it away from me. Nothing seems more depressing than losing my choice. Why do I feel this way? If I did it now, it would take awhile for them to find me. They’d be in bed, […]
I’ve always managed my depression very well. But recently over the last 4 months I have just seemed to sink lower and lower. Now I know it probably hasn’t helped I’ve bottled up my feelings in the past.
But anyway the main problem is I’ve lost my smile, confidence and my ability to interact socially.
See about ten years ago I was a very recluse person and if I did go out I was always a loner. Then I met my best mate and he brought the best out of me.
Now ten years later he now lives in a different town and I’ve started […]
I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.
Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.
And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]
it all started in 6th grade. i was bullied, my grandpa died, and other stupid stuff. im now in 8th grade, and i have strongly considered suicide around 11 times. couldnt God give me a break?!!?!?!? im only 14!!!!!!!!!! when your heart just feels so overwhelmed that you cant bare it any longer. i put a smile on my face everyday at school. thats just not something you want people to go around knowing. i got two really close friends. i just always felt guilty, them thinking they knew me, but they didn’t at all. they thought i was always happy and bubbly. guilt built up inside […]
The world is a horrible place, and I learnt very young, that the world can take that all away from you in a single whim.
But there were people who loved me.
& that was enough to save my life.
To me, life was an incandescent glow of pure hatred and envy.
It didn’t matter if my mother was dead or alive, because nobody cared.
& like every other life, the world would move on, and I will become nothing but an unwritten part of history.
Every day was painfully alike. Made up of an accumulation of insignificant moments.
Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, getting teased and beaten; all these moments, all these tiny deeds that have accumulated and has become what is now my life.
And each day I would wait, and think that there was a reward waiting for me in the […]
http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/2010/10/20/being-suicidal-what-it-feels-like-to-want-to-kill-yourself/
It’s really goddamn familiar, huh? I guess we could all stand to stop creating or internalizing unrealistic standards for ourselves and our lives… Which is harder than it sounds, for me anyway.
One more thing I stumbled on recently that I thought was interesting: antinatalism, the belief that life should not be brought into existence. They say they don’t approve of suicide, but I see a connection. Regardless–hear, hear!
By the way, I’m so fickle about life… I am back to suicidal ideation again because two leads I had for jobs no longer seem as promising. Having a liberal arts degree in this economy is such a […]
Is there anyone from the Scandinavia or so?
I need someone to talk or write with. I’m a daily cutter and i hate my life. (Btw, i’m a boy. 21 yo)
If anyone does, just type their email please.
Thank you for your attention and time.
My mother left my father when I was 2 years old. He was an alcoholic and used to be a little violent against my mother.
I’m turning 24 this year.
My father has changed. He doesn’t have a problem with the alcohol now, he drinks, but not every day. He is well now.
He always send me gifts. Birthdays and christmas. This christmas he called me. He’s done it before. We talk, and I love it. Everytime he calls, after we hung up I cry for hours. I so badly want to have a relationship with him, but I’m a coward. I live in another town, so […]
i am a simple teenager suffering from epolepsy with weed smoking parents and being bullied 24/7 at school i am on psn (ALPHA_96_2K11 if u want to add me ) and i hav a wonderful gf but she has serious anger problems and she mostly takes the anger out on me so and at school i hav no time to concentrate and my xmas exams were sh*t and with the juniour cert coming up i just dont see no point no more so at the end of it i hav made 2 choices for myself either kill 1 of my bullies ,get sent to jail […]
Im having mixed emotions on if i want to die.or not i mean my head is telling me that i need to but my heart is telling me to keep fighting but im tired ive fought all that i can.fight i just dont know what to do
It has come to the point where I am about to give up! no one loves me or needs me! The one person I actually loved and thought loved me and cared, just leaves me 🙁 I was never meant to be here! never meant to live! I cant handle life anymore! It is bad enough! Being diagnosed with 2 types of cancer in 2 months and my half sister has cancer! I have no point in staying here, there is no reason to live through all this pain! My heart feels like it was punched and now its hurt, bleeding, and in pain in […]
Ok here we go…this all started when i was 11 years old and all of the sudden evrything in my life just crashed. Well my life was always messed up since the start i never lived with my father and always stood with my grandma until my mom found a guy and forced me to live with them but then when i was 11 this “great” guy my mom loved even more that herself or me i guess just decided to go away leaving my mom pregnant and paying for our new house and car, just left her alone we lost our car and almost […]
I bought all the stuff for two methods yesterday. Â It’s sitting in the car outside. Now I clean, and try to write casual loving notes to the people who will miss me. Â I don’t feel lost. . or anxious. Â I downloaded my favorite movie to watch. Â I feel calm. Â just a lot to do today, so that things are as in order as they can be. . I would love for the authorities to find me, and not someone I care about. . but haven’t figured that part out yet. Â workin on it. Â The sense of relief I feel. . knowing that I will […]
Have you ever gotton lost in a terrible thought?
Have you ever had a hard time trying not to cry?
Have you ever thought you were weak for wanting death more than anything else?
Yes, and it’s not easy at all. Have you?