so today was a long and bad day. started off a good day though. but i was arrested and charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of weapon in school, possession of another students property (theft), and possession of lighters. this all happend in school. it sucked. i was in the deans office for like 4 hours. im gonna need to go to court, and i was suspended from school for ten days. might even get expelled. but i dont think i will. then i might need to go to rehab. so my life sucks even more now. i got a mugshot and finger printed too. […]
I don’t really know what to say, except that I am seriously considering suicide for the first time in my life.
I’m probably older than a lot of the posters here. No offense meant to anyone, but I tend to think I’ve dealt maturely and wisely with many difficult life experiences over a number of years.
My late teenage and early twenties years were difficult and I had to overcome a number of problems, including panic disorder and severe depression. Since then, I’ve done a lot in my life. I would even suggest that one could be very envious of it, looking from the outside. But nothing […]
I don’t want to anymore. I keep getting pushed to keep going on. I get up and get some hope just to get pushed down again. I take one step forward and two back. Why live if you can’t be happy. When I go through daily life I think of scenarios. Like if im walking home, i think about throwing myself in front of a speeding car (everyone speeds on this road), etc.
instead of picking me up from school today my mom got drunk.
Hey all.
Well, I have been married for 4 years to a complete ass who treats me like hell. I believe that I am sick- ok fine- but this man does everything in his power
to keep me from getting help. All he does is belittle me for feeling suicidal. I shaved my head twice because he likes long hair .. I wont be “cute” for him.
He does not let me out of the house to go anywhere without him. He wont let me drink with friends or be a real woman. he is so cheap that he takes all
the money I make and uses it for […]
Here I am, and damn, I refuse to feel like this any longer. I feel stronger than ever, I haven’t felt like this, like myself in forever. So fuck this, life is to short to be sulking in a mess, I’m taking over, I think I’ve found some closure. You’ll see me on the tv, driving sports cars, hitting up all the bars, making trillions. Dodging the paparazzi, Imma have multiple careers, I’ve no fears, and I’m not gonna stop until I make it to the top. My life did a belly flop, and I took a huge drop, to the bottom of the ocean, […]
I should be doing my Change Over Time Essay, and my spanish homework, and annotating something from Lord of the Flies, and a theme chart for Atonement, and studying for my polyatomic ion test tommorow, and my genre maps, and starting a rough draft for my personal project #3 catagory, and acting like a good big sister, and I definitly shouldn’t be making my friend feel sad and frustrated…and I shouldn’t be wasting time writing here when I should be doing all that. Oddly enough I feel like going into IKEA and just staying there, day after day, never getting smarter, no school, no parents, […]
I am 21 years old and have had almost daily suicide ideation for thirteen years since my 8th birthday.
How long have you wanted to die?
want to cut right now but i know i shouldn’t. Suggestions?
Everything was well during high school. I was around people I know and Those who care to acknowledge me. I was around teachers who care, and those who understand me. 2010 came alone, and it was graduation. I knew it then, that something strange is going to find its way into my life afterward, and drastically change who I am at the time. It did.
I was not suicidal during those high school years. Was the happy girl who’s never have to fake a smile to get through the day. Was the girl who everyone aroudn percieve as the good girl who’s always determined on her careeer goals. […]
First off, let me first start off by saying I have no history of mental illness. I was a very happy girl growing up. A little bit of stubborn temper, but that is because I am Russian. In the 7th grade year of October, I was watching a documentary called “30 Even Scarier Movie Moments” on Bravo. One of the movies mentioned was “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”. I grew very interested. I found the book that the director based the movie on. It is called “The Exorcism of Anneliese Michel”. It sparked my interest on demonology and the paranormal. I started watching movies involving […]
For ama and Will, as promised. Most of my dreams are weird and usually vivid. And a lot of them are nightmares. I think they are influenced by anxiety, depression, and pills. ha. Feel free to share yours.
I’ll start out with a recurring nightmare I can still remember from when I was a kid. The dream was always the same; it was dinner time and me and my parents were sitting at the table. I was told to go check something in the basement. I walked down the hallway and opened the basement door, I started to descend the stairs slowly. In the basement […]
What would it take to be ‘normal’? To be happy instead of depressed? To wish to live instead of wanting to die? What would it take to be hopeful again? To love again? To feel..?…Will I ever be okay? Or is this how I’m meant to be forever and ever…..to not know the joys of happiness…..only to wonder what it’s like…someone please…I just want to be happy again….I guess that’s to much to ask for….
Falling..I’m falling again..Into loneliness…That’s fine….I’ve learned to excepted it…I lost my hope…my will…I learned that nothin’ l do will change it, and that’s fine. l’m not sad…nor am l happy. l only have a feeling of emptiness…despair and hatred don’t linger inside me…l’m not jealous or angry…nothiness is what l feel, but that’s okay..for l’m dead inside. Life is meaningless to me. l have no purpose..no reason…no hope..no one…nothing…not a single thing in sight. Being alone changes someone. It reminds them of the horried truth that is the human heart. For hope only brings despair. Trying only brings failuar. Love only brings pain. And […]
Not saying that some twisted situation will come along that prevents me from killing myself. But I’d have to be either severely crippled or under the influence of drugs and locked up. And if either of those two happen I’ll just hopefully die from the complications or my mind will be to blasted to worry.
But the fact that I have no fear of failing a suicide attempt again has made everything look different. Bills, work, day to day responsibilities I can really shuck off because they are not an issue. Nothing in life is an issue because I know there will be no future repercussions […]
I`m so fed up with everything and in the very dark place. I`m so angry with everything, especially God, Universe ,All That Is. I feel it`s so cruel that actually we live forever. No I don`t have any proof of that, but it is a very strong and confident feeling in me. It`s like there is no escape, we are just playing tools for God. I just want to disapear, cease to exist completely.  I`m sick of all this talk this world being a learning place…really? Are you serious??? It`s all gone too far.  Thinking about all the horrific things that happen in this world every single minute, sexual […]
All the celebrity backpats in the world are meaningless when your own mother says “I would rather you die than be a dyke” and means it. School was bad enough, everyone knowing somehow that I was a lesbian before I had romantic feelings for any human at all.  I confessed the feelings that make me feel so awful to someone because they said they were the same way…only to find out she was straight and flirting with me was  just a game. She doesn’t get why my feelings got hurt. “it’s like you fell in love with me or something”.  She’s not the reason I’m doing […]
it all started when i was in 5th grade. everything was fine until this older student transferred to our school. my friends and i started quarreling but most of the time, it was me against them. i don’t know what was in me that they liked to argue with me. there was never a month that we won’t argue. and whenever i’m not friends with them, they’d bully me, inside or outside the school. this made me seek for attention from this older student so  they won’t do it to me anymore(cause she kinda have control to my friends. she decides for the rest of the […]
Well here I am getting down to the last few days, and I still have a ton of things to take care of, like cleaning out my house and putting labels on everything that I leave behind. I am almost caught up on notes and messages to everyone plus writing instructions for my dead body.
In spite of it all, and everything I still have to do, I am spending way too much time in bed asleep. Is anyone else in the same boat as me? I wish that I could kick my own ass, but I keep promising myself I will do that tomorrow.
Bed and […]
First off, I’d just like to point out that I never… ever imagined this would happen to me. It seemed like one of those things that the evil side of the world exhibited. A terrible thing like murder, torture, kidnapping, theft… Something that should’ve persistently steered clear of me, as it succeeded to for a good 15 years. I’m not saying I’m perfect, or lucky, or better than those who haven’t been steered clear of those sorts of things for nearly as long as myself. Only, the thought of things suddenly changing like it has because of something along the lines of “those things that the evil side of the […]
If I was to disappear would anyone really notice? Would anyone really care? I don’t think so….Sometimes I wish I could just disappear into thin air….would that really be that bad? To just disappear all to gether one day like I never existed at all? Should I or should I not?