A few weeks ago, my mother was driving me home from school. She just randomly asked me if I belive that suicide is wrong. Of course I realised that she remembers about the time when I said I would kill myself. She’s asked me this before but I just pretended that I didn’t hear her and I thought thst she had forgotten completely about it, but I guess not. So I told her about the time when out RELIGION teacher told us that nobody knows if you go to hell after commiting suicide. But me mother just completely refused to believe that suicide […]

For anyone who read my earlier post about not getting into college, I got accepted because it was a mistake at their end. I thought my life had new meaning and purpose…… Oh how wrong I was. I haven’t felt this depressed and suicidal for months. I am so paranoid around all the other students. I don’t fit in. I probably could if I really tried but I’m a wimp. I’ve simply had enough. I’ve tried so many things to turn my life around and they all end up the same. I was extremely close to stepping in front of a car today but I […]

i have had many suicide attempts, and i will share them all eventually, but this is one of the more recent ones, and it is the one that disturbs me most..

i had been feeling bad for a while, things were getting on top of me, i was living with my boyfriend in a really cramped flat, it was summer, and a few things happened, i had a minor fit of paranoia when my friend tripped me up at the pub he didnt mean to, yet i saw it as he did, i was feeling abandoned, and lonely, i didnt want to be with my boyfriend […]

My background:

I had started wondering about death and would habitually wish for death and say ‘never mind’ 3 times afterward. This started when I was around 10, until one day I stopped saying ‘never mind’ and decided to see what would happen.

My life has been met with intense anger, anger that caused me to once whip my mother with a PC controller wire after I smashed it off the banister when I was around 16.

I started cutting myself on Valentine’s Day 2007, senior year. I started under the notion that everyone would leave me once we graduated. They all did except one. My last friend […]

it’s non-existence. I would choose non-existence over every aspect of my life; I really don’t care all that much about it. I could do without living and perception.

So you either wait for your body to run out of steam, some freak accident, or take matters into your own hands. I wanna go to heaven, and for me heaven would be absolute nothing. I want everything that I am to be gone, every trace of consciousness, kaput, finito. But to kill myself is so pro-active; so much work. Ugh, wait, do it myself or hope for an accident. Is this all we’re doing here, going […]

So after I made that post, I had trouble actually falling asleep, so I watched an episode or two of Futurama. It`s a pretty good show, I would recommend it. Anyway after I finally eventually got to sleep, I had a pretty fucked up dream. Though people dream every night, I (they) rarely remember my (their) dreams. I guess this was one that stuck out.

The first thing I remember was going into this smaller type of sort of `home` restaurant (I guess..) and asking for a job. This woman (Maybe..) in her 50`s ish told me that there was already a dishwasher and didn`t need […]

I Produced This video for someone i lost almost 6 years ago to suicide. It holds a strong message that unfortunately needs to be heard! My only ONE hope is that it reaches ONE person who needs it! Please watch this video, re-post it, and like it, to help get the word out. We only have ONE life, so be the ONE who helps someone else from taking his or hers away!

ppl its been so long since iv actually written something.

nothing has really changed in my life except dat it gets worse and i keep on sinking deeper and deeper into this dark hole, im so tired of all these emotions. Iv been going to church alot lately but when i get home i go back to the same old darkness and neverending pain. i cant stand this pain no more. i have nothing left to lose and its not like anyone really cares or truly loves me and it will be best if i just left dis world.

i thought it will get better with time […]

Can anyone tell me why some posts have tags and others do not?  Is there something that you have to do or include, to generate tags in the tag column?

half of my posts have tags and the other half does not and I am doing nothing different…I think.

DR

Looking to the future trying to believe,

there is a reason to live.

Struggling to grasp the happiness in life,

when all I feel is the emptiness inside.

Searching or answers late at night,

hoping that my help will be at sight.

I am depressed, has been for a while now. Wrote this poem about 2 years ago…

I don’t know, I guess I need some sort of help, don’t know what exactly.

I… I am losing it.

The emptiness will claim me eventually… It is simply a matter of time.

ok, so…. I’m depressed. Most of you know that….. I know how you people feel because I’m the same.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, I want to believe that too so I know how hard it is….
If you want to vent or just talk, then email me. I like finding out about other peoples stories and situations….
So email me ?
EmoQueen221@live.co.uk
<3

I just can’t cope anymore. I have no one.

Listening to the music that I did when I cut, is like revisiting a dream you haven’t dreamnt. It seems so familiar, yet you aren’t sure it even happened becuz, well for whatever reason.

Clothes is the same thing.

And remembering cutting, is just so weird.

Its like someone was filming me but through my eyes, and I watch that movie. Not remember the memorie.

Anything cutting or depression related is like that.

I very much hope that at least one person

in the entire world reads this,because

it would make me feel as though someone

somewhere gives one single flying fuck about me.

I did a stupid thing I put my heart out there

and ended up getting crushed

So here’s the story is:

Jasmine, her boyfriend James,and his brother Nick where having a

sleep over at jasmines house.They only invited Nick because

Jasmine thought I would come over to keep him company.

He had recently been dumped and he was a bit sad.

But I was at my dads house for the weekend.

So since Nick felt like a third wheel James asked if I would […]

So, I’ve set the date on the 31st of January. I thought that it would give me ample time to do the things I still want to do like play, watch, eat, etc.  However, I ran into a little snag that surprised me. I’m running out of cash, and thus, I probably have a two or three days worth of takeout left. So annoying. Of course, I could always go out to the cash machine down the street, but get real. I’m a recluse who hasn’t set foot outside my flat for months. I haven’t even taken out five months worth of garbage, so you can […]

It`s 2:00 in the morning and I found this website by typing `my life is meaningless` in the google search engine. Maybe I should type a little about myself; I don`t know how this site works exactly. I`m going to turn 20 in the summer. I dropped out of university a little while ago, but that`s okay because there were so many things wrong with going in the first place. I went across the country a little while after that, worked a couple jobs and now here I am, back in my parents basement. I ticked the box `general`but maybe I`ll tick `rants` as well. […]

I often see it. They say it’s supposed to be magical, make a wish. I keep wishing, yet nothing changes. I gave up hope long ago, not to mention I despise that word. A word tossed around by fools to reassure themselves everything will be okay. Nothing ever changes. I’m not too fond of people, I actually hate people really. It’s a cruel world with cruel intentions. There is more bad than good, but, then again, who’s to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Society is the biggest pile of shit to ever exist. I don’t know what’s worse, the government or society itself. You […]

I just have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself. I have to kill myself.

There’s no way around it. It’s what I’m supposed to do. It’s what is ment to happen to me.

Okay, y’all, important safety tip.  If the psychiatrist gives you a prescription for ant-depressants, you don’t let them write it with ZERO REFILLS.  And certainly take some care to ensure you don’t run out of a Friday night so you have to wait FOUR DAYS for your pharmacist to get said psychiatrist’s approval.

I’m just sayin’.  Seriously, I could actually hear my eyeballs moving.  Do you know just how weird that is?!?

And certainly don’t make me wait two weeks to see my new therapist one-on-one.  Insurance won’t cover another week of IOP?  Put it on my tab, that’s what HSA is for.

Yeah.  Not a good day. […]

Woah, hey guys, long time no see. What the fuck is going on champs.

So, this week is finals for the first semester. And god damn it it’s so annoying. I don’t mean just because of finals. I mean because of the people I have to deal with.

Of course I still like that girl in my drama class. I still don’t know what to do about her, and the semester is over and she’s in grade 12, so I’m more or less fucked in that situation. Believe me, I want to ask her out, but I have 24 hours to do it and no confidence. So […]