I am new here… 23 yrs old, female, job I love, boyfriend I love, caring family that i love… So WHY can’t I be happy like I should be?

I am surrounded by loving people but I feel so alone.

Brothers and Sisters,

Let us not hate
Let us not hurt
Let us not loathe
Let us not war
Let us not envy
Let us not poison

Let us LOVE!!!!

Let’s open our hearts to Jesus Christ.

Lord, Bless our hearts, and enter in them.

Lord, help us heal our wounds!!

Amen

Been feeling hella tired lately. I’m always sleepy and it seems like every part of my body is aching. I’m having a hard time getting up every morning, it’s been such a hard task for me to do it. I always woke up around 6am but I get up at 8am, that’s how hard it is for me to ready myself for the start of a new day knowing that it will just be the same. My mind is constantly working, and thinking(negative thoughts mostly). I’m always hungry but all I ever want to eat are potato chips and chocolates, the rest would be like […]

for me life is a game for me i believe god sent me to the earth, an epolepsy infected teenager, to have a f*cked up life and see what i do liveing with weed smoking parents, s*it grades and no friends. when its over i go to bed crying and shaking. there is no god for me. i believe if i die i get to be some 1 else. id like this because i can get out of this s*it life and be happy.

i found this so i wanna share it
http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/gethelp#comment-400825163

i just found out my best and only friend killed herself because she cant take being adopted, i went to the orphanage wen i was 2 i met her wen i was 4 we got adopted 2gether then sent back.

I am glad that I don’t want to hurt the people that I wanted to hurt by committing suicide. I’m glad that it’s not about people wondering if they would have or could have said something to change things. I’m happy I don’t have to think about what’s the last song that I’m going to listen to, what’s the last trail that I’m going to walk down, who is the last person that I’m going to see. I’m glad those feelings have left. They hurt my head thinking all those things.

….i wonder what if i OD on my happy pills/ anti-depressants if  i’ll die happy:) lets find out shall we! maybe i finally wont have to fake it HORRAY!! its about time im happy with something in my life….<—-or would i be happy with something in my death??….o well:)

i am going crazy [not realy] my mom wont calm down, hunter my boyfriend started to hit me, im getting bullied by my 19 year old step bro, and 23 year old step sis, handling being adopted,knowing ill never meet my real parents, and failing on-line school,i wish i were dead, im working on doing that, but before i do i have to say good bye to some on-line friends and visit my parents grave,then write a suiside note, then kill myself it will be awile,though [maybe]

kay so if you’ve read my other entries you’d know how I’ve been and whats going on.

to recap me and my bf broke up becuz we had to…. i miss him so much.. i think I’m falling apart..

i don’t want to do anything anymore. I’m getting in fights easily. on chat pas on my iPod… i don’t know what to do!

i go back to school tomorrow and finals are coming up.. how am i suposto focus?.. and my friends… i don’t want to talk to them.. i think I’m giving up… some ppl are telling me to try and move on. the thought of it […]

Another of my friends committed suicide today.. seriously? thats three in two months. I cant take much more of this.. with these deaths my aunts death and my parents divorce and fighting and me being bullied i cant take this any longer. i feel like collapsing on the floor.

Why do I set barriers up on how I should go? I can get a gun, which has got to be the easiest way to do it, but I feel like people will “blame” the gun? Is that weird? I’m all for gun rights and wouldnt want my suicide to be the cause of more gun laws? Why do I care?

I also won’t do it in my house because I don’t want the house tainted or haunted for the next person who lives there. Again why do I care?

Leaning toward a rope in my office.

It is sad that now I don’t feel like I’m a “human” anymore, or want to be associated with a being called “human”. I mostly hate humanity nowadays, and have become a Misanthrope, and disillusioned as well with this so-called “real world”. it sucks, and Humanity, though I used to believe it has so much hidden potentials, yet now I unfortunately can’t help but feeling Humanity is largely hopeless: we’re destroying our own Planet, animals, and even killing our fellow species over some stupid, close-minded, most ignorant & selfish, senseless reasons..

Can anybody here relate?…what to do then?…

Here’s a complete and detailed ‘rant’ of mine, if […]

Well, getting down to the final stretch now, like Dawg indicated, a lot of the stress has been relieved by  knowing that there is an end in sight; however, although more peaceful, the number of negative and irritating things that have led me to this point do not seem to have abated much. Nothing earth shattering, but enough to make me realize that I was not putting an extra negative spin on minutia.  Halleluiah, I am vindicated. 🙂

If i overdoesd on my depression medication, would that mean i’d be extra happy while i died?

I really hope 2012 will be a much better year then 2011!

I feel fairly uncomfortable being at this site at all. I feel uncomfortable by the thought of suicide. So why am I here at all? I guess I’m just reaching out. I guess I’m mostly scared. For right now.

I’m pretty sure that I have bipolar-disorder. I know, in this day and age, everyone self-diagnoses with some mental disorder or another. The difference for me is that I’ve done the research, I’ve considered a lot of other problems, but I’m pretty sure it’s bipolarity. It runs in the family, being crazy.

Some days, I’m really happy and I feel like life is so precious. Then other days […]

im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]

If Time is money ,

I feel like we are poor

our money will run out

unless we invest our money in happiness

BY ALL IM COMMITTING SUICIDE TONIGHT BY GUN PILLS AND ALCOHOL……….SUICIDE IS FOR REAL