having suffered a job loss and falling into an acute depression, life is becoming harder to handle. the depression was triggered by the job loss but is caused by years of drug abuse. i quit the drug of choice to maintain this job that meant alot to me. i didn’t make thru the 3 month probation. this devistated me and brought me into a deep depression. my head is perma buzzing from the depression-drug damaged brain. i can’t concentrate and buzzing doesn’t seem to want to stop. my anti depressent don’t seem to be working. all i want to do is end my life. my […]
i was at my grans funeral today,
i wasn’t sad ,
didn’t cry.
life is hard
life is shit
life is a *****
life lets you down continually
life fucks you up
life is great in so many ways but 99% of it is horrible
the good part of life is not worth the shit parts.
death seems easy
death seems nice
i don’t know i haven’t died yet
death is the end
the end is no more
and thats it
or so i think. . .
why..
because as soon i was going to do it, my puppy walks into the room, jumps on my lap, curls up and starts whimpering..
thats why i couldnt do it. i hated myself for not even thinking of her before doing it when she was the only thing that depended on me to stay alive.
selfish right..
I suffer everyday.
I suffer from the guilt. The guilt of getting my moms old high school sweet heart and setting them up and my mom said they had crazy sex. BTW my mom and dad were married and they still are so i helped my mom cheat on my dad. I hate my father. He is so abusive. Then the guy that slept with my mom just left one day and never said a word and now i have to live with the guilt of what i know and i can never tell my dad.
I suffer from irritable bowel syndrome so i can […]
If I may have your attention, if you will. Why’s the current suicide rate of the people on this site? Do you have anything on that perhaps in the form of a death to month average. I would really like to figure that out as I can’t think to myself and I’m stuck on that. I make imaginary speeches in a virtual world on OSP. I address the situation that so far we are not represented as the suicidal people of America… No of the world and we are more than a statistic from dying once or twice per month and we must have some […]
I’m alive, I wanna die, but I don’t know, I’m scared of the fact maybe I’m not trying hard enough to live? Maybe not, I don’t know. I hate the things I’ve done, I hate the way things are, each time I take a step towards changing them I get 2-3 steps backwards, its not fair, I really don’t know what to do. I have nightmares every day about my past, about people from my past, people I care about dying, me dying. Every night, not just one here or there but every night. I like to burn myself to ease the pain of thinking […]
Today i am lonely as never. I came back from work and got sick again. Laying all day in bed with movies, watched out the window – dark. Totally wasted day. I am totally alone in darkness and city’s voices. Feeling a part of that sounds. My boyfriend said i show too less support for him, so i stopped saying him my problems. He is right. Nobody faults of my shits – just me and i take that responsibility.
Long way to 2012 years. Finally. 2012. Sounds like better times. 2011 was terrible. I hate this year. So many crashes.
Yesterday i was speaking with a real […]
Love sucks. We all know that. I’m in this house right now that every single room remind me of my ex. Even if I go outside it remind me of my ex.
And i’m ill. ahh hate it.
and I was supposed to have the best week ever. But no. It was worse than others. Why is this depression thing fuck everything up? Can’t it just go away. All this pain, and I have no idea why it is there, it just is.
I am trying to make it past Christmas, maybe New Years, so my grown kids aren’t left with that kind of memory during the holidays. I may not make it much farther than that though. I was gone most of yesterday, until after dark, didn’t tell anyone where I was going, yet I never got so much as a text message or call from anyone. That is not my normal routine, and my family and a couple of not so close friends know how much I am hurting, so that was just one more thing that tells me I really have no one in […]
Hi, i’m back..
I did a post lastnight, about my life story, and my suicide..I can’t doo this anymore, it’s all in one big package, bringing me down. No one’s helping me..
Everyone says,it’ll be good, to get help, but when has anything ever been ‘good’ for me, never has and never will. I don’t see why suicide, can’t be legit..it should be a choice. People don’t understand, they don’t. Because well, it’s not happening to them, if they knew how it feels, they would only understand.
Yeah, I’m 12. I wonder, how can so much pain be in one little girl? It’s crap, I hate […]
To whom it may concern,
I have always been terrible at these sort of things, the beginning after is all tends to be the worst. What is the point in trying anything, when life will almost always disregard desire. After all, we as mundane physical creatures are doomed to be subservient to forces beyond our control. We are slaves.
I guess to start I have had it rough but I do recognize that others inevitably have it worse. I was always bullied for wearing hearing aids and when I started to fight back my mother wound up worrying about me. When my dad was still living with […]
“Yeah, I get it, you’re an outcast
Always under attack, always coming in last
Bringing up the past, no one owes you anything
I think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the ass
So paranoid, watch your back
Oh my, here we go
Another lose cannon gone bi-polar
Slipped down, couldn’t get much lower
Quicksand’s got no sense of humor
I’m still laughing like hell
You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I’m gonna believe
You’ve been infected by a social disease
Well, then take your medicine
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
Somehow I’m still here to […]
Okay guys, so as some of you know, im young and suicidal.
But for the first time i have opened up and told people of my life, on this site. Everyone tells me that i should tell someone, and get help because im 13 and to young to give up. So i gradually went over what i was going to tell mum, and i must admit, she took it really well. She promised she wouldnt ship me away. But she is worried, and keeps asking questions and says how much she loves me. She now wants me to spend more time with the family ( :PÂ ) […]
it happens every day. a victim beat to death. to the point to body cant last and dead. what caused this? how is that in this life that happens? others beaten to the point of insanity. some suicidal. thats hell i think which would mean…yes were in hell.?
Well I’m sure no will comment or anything but here are my thoughts on why I would like to end my life. Basically I hate everything about my life, there;s nothing to like at all.I’m not even kidding. I’m not pretty, smart, amazing or anything. Not even my friends think so. The only thing I have is a pretty good sense of humor. I’m convinced I will be alone the rest of my life and strangely (if I live the rest my life that is) I accept it because I can see why no one would even want me. I really hate people, main reason […]
Now take these memories
and splatter them on paper
take my blood and splash it on them
to help me forget them
they took me
and shook me
im fixing them
there changing me
never again
should they cut me
im changing
and its scary
but there words are gone
and im better off
so take these memories
they cant hurt me.
so this will probably be my last post – ive decided to ‘depart’ tonight – two hours to be exact.
i really wish it didnt have to be this way..
but it is so theres no more pretending everything will get better
i know you will read this and probably be upset my baby – but you made my last couple of days worth every second and i love you with all of my heart and soul.
you deserve the best
confused
suicidal
LIVING
i dont know anymore. things get good and then fall aimlessly into nothing. so i wrote a poem..
there is a woman wearing my clothes and my hair, smell, and my skin – but it isnt me..
sin is like ink, it bleeds into a person – colouring, making you someone other than you used to be. try as much as you want, you just cannot get yourself back..
words can’t pull me back from the edge – neither can daylight
this isnt something to get over. its an atmosphere i need to learn to breathe – take it into my lungs with every gasp as if im holding […]
http://www.givesmehope.com/
Overdosed on my meds, just got me high as fuck. Â I don’t even remember how many I took there’s only like 3 left in the bottle. Â Still have a migraine 2 days later.