Love sucks. We all know that. I’m in this house right now that every single room remind me of my ex. Even if I go outside it remind me of my ex.
And i’m ill. ahh hate it.
and I was supposed to have the best week ever. But no. It was worse than others. Why is this depression thing fuck everything up? Can’t it just go away. All this pain, and I have no idea why it is there, it just is.

I am trying to make it past Christmas, maybe New Years, so my grown kids aren’t left with that kind of memory during the holidays. I may not make it much farther than that though. I was gone most of yesterday, until after dark, didn’t tell anyone where I was going, yet I never got so much as a text message or call from anyone. That is not my normal routine, and my family and a couple of not so close friends know how much I am hurting, so that was just one more thing that tells me I really have no one in […]

Hi, i’m back..
I did a post lastnight, about my life story, and my suicide..I can’t doo this anymore, it’s all in one big package, bringing me down. No one’s helping me..
Everyone says,it’ll be good, to get help, but when has anything ever been ‘good’ for me, never has and never will. I don’t see why suicide, can’t be legit..it should be a choice. People don’t understand, they don’t. Because well, it’s not happening to them, if they knew how it feels, they would only understand.

Yeah, I’m 12. I wonder, how can so much pain be in one little girl? It’s crap, I hate […]

To whom it may concern,

I have always been terrible at these sort of things, the beginning after is all tends to be the worst. What is the point in trying anything, when life will almost always disregard desire. After all, we as mundane physical creatures are doomed to be subservient to forces beyond our control. We are slaves.

I guess to start I have had it rough but I do recognize that others inevitably have it worse. I was always bullied for wearing hearing aids and when I started to fight back my mother wound up worrying about me. When my dad was still living with […]

“Yeah, I get it, you’re an outcast
Always under attack, always coming in last
Bringing up the past, no one owes you anything
I think you need a shotgun blast, a kick in the ass
So paranoid, watch your back

Oh my, here we go

Another lose cannon gone bi-polar
Slipped down, couldn’t get much lower
Quicksand’s got no sense of humor
I’m still laughing like hell

You think that by crying to me
Looking so sorry that I’m gonna believe
You’ve been infected by a social disease
Well, then take your medicine

I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain
Somehow I’m still here to […]

Okay guys, so as some of you know, im young and suicidal.

But for the first time i have opened up and told people of my life, on this site. Everyone tells me that i should tell someone, and get help because im 13 and to young to give up. So i gradually went over what i was going to tell mum, and i must admit, she took it really well. She promised she wouldnt ship me away. But she is worried, and keeps asking questions and says how much she loves me. She now wants me to spend more time with the family ( :P ) […]

it happens every day. a victim beat to death. to the point to body cant last and dead.  what caused this? how is that in this life that happens? others beaten to the point of insanity. some suicidal. thats hell i think which would mean…yes were in hell.?

Well I’m sure no will comment or anything but here are my thoughts on why I would like to end my life. Basically I hate everything about my life, there;s nothing to like at all.I’m not even kidding. I’m not pretty, smart, amazing or anything. Not even my friends think so. The only thing I have is a pretty good sense of humor. I’m convinced I will be alone the rest of my life and strangely (if I live the rest my life that is) I accept it because I can see why no one would even want me. I really hate people, main reason […]

Now take these memories

and splatter them on paper

take my blood and splash it on them

to help me forget them

they took me

and shook me

im fixing them

there changing me

never again

should they cut me

im changing

and its scary

but there words are gone

and im better off

so take these memories

they cant hurt me.

so this will probably be my last post – ive decided to ‘depart’ tonight – two hours to be exact.
i really wish it didnt have to be this way..
but it is so theres no more pretending everything will get better
i know you will read this and probably be upset my baby – but you made my last couple of days worth every second and i love you with all of my heart and soul.
you deserve the best

confused

suicidal

LIVING

i dont know anymore. things get good and then fall aimlessly into nothing. so i wrote a poem..

there is a woman wearing my clothes and my hair, smell, and my skin – but it isnt me..

sin is like ink, it bleeds into a person – colouring, making you someone other than you used to be. try as much as you want, you just cannot get yourself back..

words can’t pull me back from the edge – neither can daylight

this isnt something to get over. its an atmosphere i need to learn to breathe – take it into my lungs with every gasp as if im holding […]

http://www.givesmehope.com/

Overdosed on my meds, just got me high as fuck.  I don’t even remember how many I took there’s only like 3 left in the bottle.  Still have a migraine 2 days later.

For those of us who lost people to suicide, I made a group on Facebook. You are more than welcomed to join. I try to remember what my cousin was like and what he did while alive. This group has helped me, especially since it is a part of me now.

http://m.facebook.com/profile.php?id=675178246&_rdr#!/home.php?sk=group_180906338629104&__user=874090240

This summer my dad was supposed to move out and everything was supposed to be normal. Notice how i keep saying supposed ? yeahh well things change or else thats what my dad did, somehow he changed my moms mind about moving out. so now im still stuck in this hell whole. Im a depress 16 year old trying to manage highschool and my life. My dad said he would change and what do you know hes still an alcoholic who loves his beer or vodka more then his own family. typical? yeah  i guess it is but to whoever is reading this, you ever […]

I can get through this, it will get better. I just know it will.

I’ve been praying for death the last few nights. I know it is such a stupid thing to do. Why waste my prayers on such a thing? It is selfish for one thing and it does me no good. I should be praying for a job I can manage or a better relationship with my family.

I worked very hard to put myself in a position to do well even though I’ve always been sad and never had much confidence. I’m at a point right now where I don’t know what I’ll do. I got to the point where I let myself go because I knew […]

I take these pills to make me thin.
I dye my hair, and cut my skin.
I tried everything, to make them see me
but all they see is someone that’s not me.

Even when I’m walking on a wire,
even when I set myself on fire
Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?
Everyday I try to look my best
even though inside I’m such a mess.

Why do I always feel invisible, invisible?

Here inside, my quiet hell
you cannot hear my cries for help.
I tried everything to make them see me,
but every one sees what I can’t be.

Even when I’m walking on barb […]

I’ve been doing some thinking. I’ve been depressed since I was 14-15ish… That’s when I first started dating… I feel really bleak inside. I invest, the whole of myself into these relationships from the get go, and they never pan out. When we break up, I’m lonely, and feel worse. Recently my ex-girlfriend, the one who mattered most admitted to me she was never happy with me, which tore a large chunk out of me, considering I was at my best with her. I felt something that wasn’t so desolate. But in the end, it was just me… It was a selfish relationship, I’m the […]