I stumbled accross this site by accident while researching something totally unrelated and when I saw the first post the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I am an attempted suicide survivor. I was a baby, 16- and thought I knew so much about life. I grew up in the most horrifically abusive home possible, was an addict by 13, etc. The problem with youth is that despite what you think: you know NOTHING about life yet. The increadible sorrow and lonliness you feel now  will be a distant memory when you feel the increadible joy of seeing your children being born, or watching the […]
It is my conclusion that other people want only to use me. So I am withdrawing the availability of my talent from this world. No deal.
When I jump off the high-rise, it will be in self-defense. I will no longer allow myself to be exploited in this life. There will be nothing to hinder me in death.
I don’t give a fuck who it hurts. I don’t give a fuck about the people cleaning up the mess.
In fact, I hope it does hurt people. If I could do it multiple times, that would be my primary reason for it.
I’m done with this festering pissbucket of crime, […]
I wake up every day and lie in bed not wanting to do the same thing again. I finally get up, eat, shower, and go to work wearing a fake smile. I hate my job, hate my life, hate people, but try to keep that fake smile on my face to hide the truth. I go home every night and drink myself to sleep, I can’t sleep any other way. Every time I try to make a change to this life something else happens to knock me back down. I know how I can sleep for good, I’m not afraid to die, but I wear […]
nothing means anything to me everything means nothing to me.
words and thoughts and everything is pointless. i’m alone and other people are just nothing more than reflections that i allow them to be in my own head, and the same is true for everyone whether they know, or admit it or not.
so after all that i’ve…messed, or should i say, ‘fucked’ up, in this life, even death doesn’t satisfy something. even death is a downer. life is bad, death is bad, everything is bad. and then suddenly everything is good.
i’m an animal, i see that so clearly now. i’m probably predictable but not by anyone […]
It creeps out at night,
slowly unravels the tightly guarded hatred.
Wide-awake.
Replaying each scenario. A picture show of loathing.
These feet have made some wrong turns.
These hands have let go.
A burden of guilt has nestled in this rib cage.
Hidden. For no one.
Memories burn this face with shame. Awkward
silence.
Better off dead. They whisper. Someday.
By day- perfection.
Graceful. Elegant. False.
I made a mistake. I can’t change it and that eats away at me inside. I think (know) I’m a little bit crazy. Things bother me. Like my hair, I can’t stop pulling it. I stopped for a while when I cut it a few months back, but apparently it’s long enough again and I’ve caught myself doing it many times every day. Sounds bother me, and heat. I wanted to scream and just run out of my class because of the squeaking chairs and the unbearable heat and all of the people. Ahh it was horrible. Thinking about it makes me sick. Anyways, as […]
I lost my father, my best friend, May 12 2010 — life has and never will be the same. I’m surviving but it’s a struggle each and every day… I would have gladly taken on his pain. Even if you think no one cares, someone does. I don’t even know you…and I care, I love you for the simple fact that you are a human being as am I. There is hope, there is a brighter day… you just have to hold on. Sending positive vibes to all those who read this. However long the night, the dawn will break.
“Forces beyond our control can take […]
This is a poem I found online a while back… and I edited to fit. I am not sure of the author.
“A gun shot rang out in the afternoon hours of May 12, 2010… where there was no one to hear or at least, acknowledge.
But that bullet ended the day and began… the long sleep of my father, my best friend.
I tried to find a note, I tried to find the bullet, I looked and looked. I thought it was important to find something, anything… And then one day I realized that I had found the bullet, it was lodged in my heart.
This bullet can […]
Kay so, I’m 17. My birthday is Saterday (15th of october). I live with my loving family, whom love me and treat me right. Better then right. We’re considered to be “loaded”. I got a brand spankin new car for my 16th birthday (even though I couldnt drive it for 8 months…) I’m a great hockey player, smart as fuck (hate school with a passion though…), good looking (not trying to toot my own horn, and i never brag about anything, but this is an annonamus forum and these are the facts). I’m an electrical apprentice, went though school programs to get my 1st year […]
I’m not one of those, who can easily hide…
Alright, I’m not actually going to keep spamming songs that remind me of Moulin Rouge. I have a question, you guys can answer at your leisure, or not.
I honestly want to know what is wrong with suicide? Is it because you might leave people behind? Or traumatise them?
To me – suicide makes sense. And after all – If you don’t want to stick around, why wait?
I totally asked this of my psych the other day, and she didn’t give me any conclusive answer.
yay.
So I doubt many of you remember when I first got here, there’s only one of you who is still alive. Here’s a snippet of my story, like you actually care :P. As I’ve said before I’ve been depressed for a long time but it never really hit me until the 9th grade. That’s when I found SP. That’s when it sort of started. I had googled suicide for whatever reason and ended up here. It took a few months before I actually started an account. After that I started venting, searching for good methods, and cutting/burning. See the thing is that I sorta kept […]
I am a women am 27 years old.. My fiance was 2 hot and now his 2 cold..
Our relationship was amazing.. And we had amazing time 2gzer.. Even if we don’t do sex we talk about it.. If not when his beside me he was hugging me and kissing me.. Now he changed 2 much.. I know he loves me and when i say u don’t love and i wanna brock up he become crazy and he din’t want 2.. And when i tell him that he is 2 cold he say am so angry cz my work stoped and all the problems in […]
I really do think I marry Satan. My husband for 6 years give me nothing but heartaches and pains. He calls me names, any names you can think about. Horrible, horrible names. He blames me for everything that don’t go on his way. He blames me for anything bad happens in our house, in our life. I tried to fight him back but I am always a weakling, I always lost, I always get hurts. I think he is Satan disguise as a man. I want to run but I have nowhere to go and I couldn’t leave our 2 young kids with him. […]
This will be the one and only time I visit this site, or post anything. You may comment, obviously, but I will never see your replies. This site makes me too sad to visit again.
I had a friend commit suicide two years ago yesterday, October 12th, 2009. That is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, because it is so senseless to kill yourself. Especially at such a young age, he was only 25. I know life is rough. I have thought dying would be so much easier, yet I would never commit suicide. I am happy, I am in a committed relationship, and […]
I can’t plan my death i think the only way for me to have the courage to do it , would have to be spontaneous.
The plan, the waiting….. just gives me more time, just gives me more time to psych myself out.
I have to take my chances, that jumping in front of a train ,car, hanging myself from a tree
will end me. completely.
This is where and when I say 58 years, it wasn’t worth it.
Before my mom knew that I cut,
Since I was in the bathroom or my room for so long
She thought I was taking naked pictures of myself & some other stuff
She checked my phone and my faacebook
Believe it or not mom, but I don’t send naked pictures of myself
Not like you do
here goes another pathetic rant.
blah blah blah.
I like(d) Â this guy, hes really cute.
I’ve only known him a few weeks, its like one of them little kid crushes where they just run up and say “i like you” just like what I did in Kindergarten. My friend went to talk to him and ask how he felt about me and blah blah blah, and he asked “Do you like Mary?” he said as a friend yeah, I wasn’t crushed or anything, I’ve only liked him a few weeks, it will take a lot more to crush me. He said too much has […]
it’s soon friday.. the last party ever! Iam now like taking stuff down from my walls and stuff so my mom wont have to do this. (of those of you that dont know, I really just planed the perfect suicide plan) I just cant take life anymore. Im tired of being derpessed and sad all the fucking time! so i though about saturday, but Im gonna stay at my friend house this weekend so i guess I gonna do it sunday. Wow, im really doing it. This actually feels a little like I no longer got worries, and I do everything I want. but its […]
I am old. Quite old. I need a help.
Please contact me Mocaw.W[at]gmail.com