Hey,

Iv been reading this post for quite some while now. I dont want to bore anyone with my pathetic story, as I am only to blame, maybe in the coming days I might. But I have learnt that life is so cold, I have lost everything. My dreams, the person I loved. I tried to stay strong but I cant, the depression kicks in. I had everything and now I have nothing. Maybe someone can relate to this, maybe you cant. I know Im going to cause pain to people who have met or cared for me. The worst thing is, that I cannot live […]

I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. After one simple stupid mistake I am stuck with a legal problem resulting in no job no money no prospects and aparently the realization that I never had friends. Now my family is supporting me but I’m afraid I will never get back on my feet. Creditors harrassing me, and child support I can’t pay. I think my families money would be better spent on my funeral. For one thing that is going to happen eventualy anyway, for another I’m sure it is cheep now compared to how much it will cost in 50+ years. […]

I feel uncertain about things again. Not that I haven’t felt this way already, but after the whole thing nary seven days ago with the girl and the concert she couldn’t make it to I’ve gone through alot of emotions. First of loss, confusion, regret, hatred, self-hate, and dissapointment. I went to that concert, for the record, with my other friend, and it felt like a bloody dream. I texted her throughout. It was a great night.

And after, I thought, “this isn’t her fault now is it?”. I was letting myself down over the fact she couldn’t make it, and I told myself i should […]

When my eyes shut Im relieved.

When my brain rests Im relaxed.

When Im tired I cant sleep.

When my emotions are over worked I cant tire them out.

Its like Im in a never ending circle of tiredness.

With no will to stop it.

With no energy to relax.

With my body in pain.

With my eyes so wired.

Its like I have no choice.

I just wanted to share my story…. I’ve thought many times about comitting suicide but I just don’t want to hurt my family. I’ve been blessed in many ways in my life with a beautiful family, a good job and life style. But deep down inside I suffer from a deep agony from the past that doesn’t let me live in peace.
It’s just an impossible and unrequited love from the past that has been hunting me for many years now. She came to my life like a shooting star, stole my heart and left. I tried to ignore that fact 15 years ago and […]

I decided this morning to sober up after 2 years of living in a perpetual fog. The main reason is because I’m still so high functioning, maintaining a steady job and paying bills, and I’m tired of being so sluggish. I wish I could just cut back but I’ve got an addictive personality (i’m still trying to kick my candy and chocolate habits). Other than the responsibilities of my human life though, I have no reason to be sober.

I can clean myself up, do a bit of therapy and get back to where I was before I let my depression take over. I’ll still have […]

Can anyone direct me to something that will make me believe that is worth living for?  I know it may sound pathetic but honestly, I really don’t get it…. Some people are depressed coz something happened to them and want to end their lives. I don’t agree with it…I don’t want to end my life but I want to find something that will make me wanna live for…now i live coz i have to…I can’t find something that it fundamentally wrong with me or my life, I have an ok job, earn enough money to have a good life, I am gay and I have […]

I felt uneasy this morning because I wasn’t depressed. I know myself and I know that in times like those, I start things and commit to things, which, when the apathy comes back and the excitement melts away, I don’t finish, or I finish badly. Art projects and extracurricular activities and journals and diets and workouts and promises with friends to hang out. Most have all come and gone to shit.

Now, a few hours later, I’m back; I’m feeling hopeless and unhappy and apathetic and tired tired tired.
These extreme moods are draining.

It kills me a little every time I think “Oh, maybe I’m okay now!” […]

Since i love psychedelic rock, i thought i’d share a song for the fun of it

Morgen – Love

Example – You Can\’t Rap some of his songs are shitty RnB, club type shit, but You Can’t Rap, So Many Roads and What We Made are the ones i can think of right now that are hip hop

if anyone is into hip hop, go to www.hyperaptive.com then Lyrics & Songs and just pick a song, i’ll link one of my favourite songs from him

http://www.hyperaptive.com/medication.html

After so long. I am back.

After so long, I realised depression never left.

http://youtu.be/mtafype9Its

Many words familiar to this forum are hidden in the text. Find them all

I became suicidal at the age of twelve until I was 24 ish because my knowledge of the world and it’s history was limited to the world view of those who raised me with destructive habits. I kind of knew better when left on my own to just explore nature and have fun. Man’s created world is pretty depressing, but the natural world is exciting and interesting and delightful. Even people can be delightful. I’ve become a lover of life itself and my great goal to is to be an active centurion. Have you ever seen Kino’s Travels? I am 45 now and life is […]

i am done. I am done with life, my family, and my friends. I am really to go. I will prepare everything. I will not say goodbye. I will not leave a note. I dont need to lighten the blow so people can feel fucking better. I know this may sound cruel and all but i dont care i dont care at all. I know they dont care so why even try. I dont know when yet my this week maybe another day. I cant leave another day. See another night and waking up breathing and wishing to be dead. I gone to far to […]

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/439144

 check it out guys, it’s actually so fun xD

y do we all do it? suicide is a condition we all have in common. Wat’s the occurrence that holds us? i think i would have liked life but mine is shit suicide in music art poetry, media Internet books,movies. its in a lot of day to day life but the taboo holds for the extremity of the reality of suicide. i have stopped cutting and going to the nut house. but still death floats in my head. a girl thirteen took the knife from her bag and dug it into the skin and across her arm. the blood flowed out painting the skin down […]

I miss my best friend.

I wish I could go back in time and tell her how much of a jerk her boyfriend is instead of supporting her. He sucks, he is arrogant and mean. He is that guy who gets in a position of power and everyone underneath him is his own personal *****.

That’s me.

She puts him on a pedestal above everyone. 6 years of my life I feel is wasted.

I hope she doesn’t expect me to be in her wedding. That would mean losing her completely. Dealing with all my anger and frustration is hard alone in the house I share with her. […]

Blah.