Today I have decided to do this first,

Today is kinda my relaxed day. I dont have work, so I most likely wont binge, my 21 year old sister is coming home and I only have one thing I must do, which is read fifth business, the whole book, for tomorrow.

I woke up this morning late, and was late for first period, I had english and presented a project that I had no idea what I was talking about, it was on The Scarlet Letter, which is probably the most boring book I have ever read other than Fifth Business.

After I had Leadership, and I was […]

Do you know the best piece of music to die to?  Beethoven’s Fifth Piano Concerto, second movement.  It will put you at so much peace with what you are doing…

remember what i said bout my “wonderful” cousin?
well today…he says “Are you still planing on killing yourself?”
and i said “wtf kinda question is that?”

yea i am…..i wanna OD with prescription or illegal drugs…..
question..can Advil kill you with OD?

as some people would say, “i stooped low enough a month ago to write my sucidide letter.” i did write it..did i stoop low? no…..
its actually really touching xD
and i have this whole notebook where i write what ever the hell i feel like…it has a lot of quotes and lyrics and stories and questions from myself or others….

today my friend took to writing “we ♥ u celia!” all over my books and papers….yea right….
she tried to take my notebook, but im a blackbelt, so dont mess with me….but she failed and now i have to look out…
she also said at […]

I really wonder what’s beyond our lives and what happens next. Why people act in a way they do and why some deal with their problems better than others. There isn’t a day that passes by, that I don’t think about kissing a gun and putting a hot bullet through my noodle.

Somewhere, sometime, something went wrong in my life. I used to be happy, I used to smile, I used to make people feel better, and I used to make myself feel better by making others feel better. Perhaps I was just charming when I was younger? Now, I’m merely a cynical person, whose dreams and […]

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, but it makes sense as to why I have to end everything.

—

For a little background on me, my father also committed suicide when I was seven years old. I wasn’t awake to hear the sirens, but my mother told me that it was done by hanging himself in our garage after both of us had gone to sleep. She also told me that after she found him she performed CPR on him endlessly while he continued to throw up directly in her mouth. This is probably why I cringe at the thought of hanging myself.

But anyways…

I never quite […]

I dream to have a perfect smile
I dream to wear all the latest styles
I dream that I would have an endless money tree
I dream not to be the ugly me.

My friends tend get all the good guys
they tell me I’m just as pretty, but I know thats all lies.
If I was pretty, why does the world tell me I’m not?
why do all the other guys not say I’m hot?

I’m surrounded by beautiful girls, I just feel like the odd one out.
I’m the ugly girl in the group, without a doubt.
My whole childhood, I was called terrible names

I feel so trapped in this life! i want out i dont care anymore. i just wish i could be alone for 5 mins so i could kill my self and just end all this pain. my moms a *****. my dads an asshole. and my family just dont understand me at all. someone please talk to me! i just wish i could be gone and be out of everyones way. not to bother them anymore. Damn why cant i make up my mind on how i want to die! i have this feeling that i should die because im just a person in everyones […]

Lately I’ve felt so alone.Yet I’ve got this great boyfriend and some friends I guess. I mean Does this sound selfish, honestly? I feel like I have no friends, I sit in class half the time by myself in a few feeling like ‘wtf i use to be the loudest one in here now i’m alone?’ and i serious can say i have no close friends anymore i use to i guess hang out with quite a few people but all i do is sometimes hang with my boyfriend. i feel not close to anyone like i cant tell anyone how i feel except the […]

I found this website while feeling quite depressed this afternoon, it was not a good day: I fucked up my antidepressants and I need somewhere to vent, so this will be my kind-of blog, or journal, somewhere where others can read it, or they can keep living their lives.

Today was a tough day. I live in a quite elite aria, where social status is everything and money is important. I am one of the more popular people at my highschool, and I am in grade 11. Im a quite good student and achieve around an 80% average every semester.

I have bulimia, which has transformed into […]

so please i ned someone to talk to please. I beg of you i need someone who will talk to me and well things havnt been going to good so please some one help me

mya. my baby. im sorry you have such a selfish sister. u dont know how close ive come so many times. i cud call a lot of people my guardian angels. but really, youve been bout the only one who has been able to stop me from jumping the gun.

im tired now baby. the dark man’s caught up with me and im breaking. im breaking baby cant you see it? please baby, im a shitty sister and i cant stand it anymore. dont look at my corpse. its too goddamn awful. sissy, i love you but i have failed you. i cant stand living in […]

After attempting to seek help on numerous occasions through the use of therapy, medication, and even religion, I’ve decided to pursue that “final exit”. I’ve thought about it, and have decided to definitely go with the helium method, only I won’t incorporate a hood. Instead, I plan on locking myself in the trunk of my car (the idea is to become trapped in a small, closed area, so as to be overpowered by the helium), releasing the helium from the tank inside the trunk, and handcuffing myself in order to prevent any possibility of me waking up later on and attempting to shut off the valve, or open the […]

my dad isnt getting it…..i wanna quit tkd, i wanna quit bass, i wanna quit skiing…..
he wont let me do any
everything i do is to make someone else happy….
and i keep having to lie of why i wont do something…..i cant just tell my parents im suicidal………thatd be like asking for hell.
and theres no way i can talk to them………..

you have to let go of the thingsthat make you feel bad about yourself…Forgive yourself and learn from it. The fact you can’t face yourself shows you are doing things that are not really you.. But there is a good person inside you and you have to let them out. To each person their worst day is the most they can relate to and it’s the worst they’ve ever felt. You have a conscience and that’s more than 80% of the population anymore…Let go of what’s bringing you down.. Isn’t there 1 person in the world that knows you are better than u […]

I can’t fucking stand every day I have to deal with shit. Nobody seems to help or wants to really help and those who do just say “It’s going to get better”. It can’t get better. Some shit can’t be healed just like that. Some can’t be healed at all. And right now it’s like a dagger being slowly pushed into my chest deeper every day.

I’m completely stuck here between killing myself and letting go of all of this for the sake of my own being, or keeping a few select people from hurting because of it. I really can’t decide, I don’t know what […]

The blow set into my cheek bone. A bone cracked and I fell to the ground. She stood over me with her fist still clenched. I tasted blood as I tried to stand up. My brain wasn’t working; she had hit me too hard. I cried, I had nothing else to do. I was small and helpless. My own mother was beating her me, just a ten year old girl. She cursed and came at me again, “No” I yelped. “You freaking *****, you ingrate,” she yelled as she slapped me into the wall, “You think you can interrupt me when I’m in the middle […]

my mom….she got mad at me…and yelled and swore at me…..she said she hated me…she called me a *****…she doesnt wanna deal with me……………and then i said.something….and she swore more…..she said other things too…..
im under so much stres….im compared to my sis a lot….i dont have time for anything…
and i do everything to make other happy….

my views……im pretty liberal….if you agree with this or have strong opinions of the enviromet or government…can you comment on, or email me, isthereanyhopewellsurvive@yahoo.com

im starting my own orginization for this….please help me…this really messes me up..it makes me mad…one of the reasons i wanna leave…

WE HAVE 50 YEARS….50 YEARS BEFORE THE WORLD BASICALLY IS DESTROYED BUT ITS REALLY HARD TO LIVE…NO ANIMALS…PEOPLE IN PAIN AND ON THE VERGE OF DEATH…FIRE EVERYWHERE….OIL EVERYWHERE…..FACTORY SMOKE EVERYWHERE….HARD TO BREATH….TRASH EVERYWHERE, MOUNTAINS OF IT…NO PLANT LIFE WHAT-SO-EVER….JUST TOTAL HELL…..I DONT THINK WE WANT THAT…BUT WE HAVE 50 YEARS, 50 MORE YEARS LIKE THIS ONE, AND IT’LL BE […]