theres nothing left. im not anything anymore. what do i even do. there isnt a me that can get better. there isnt a way that i can. im tired.

I DONT WANT TO KILL MYSELF BUT I DONT WANNA FEEL THIS WAY! Life just feels rough, im tried, its constant pain and the one person I want to be there for me? Just isn’t, it feels one sided, I wait for the phone to ring for a person who i don’t know when they’ll call if they will,  im in love and want to spend my life with said person but it feels pointless, im scared they’ve found someone knew, well, they say it isn’t like that. But that isnt easying the pain, or what I’m being told. Its been 5 years i trust […]

Couldn’t even step into the office. This is happening more and more lately.

I’ve lost it. There’s a mall not far from where I’m at. I’m just aimlessly walking. People work, and some may hate their jobs, but they suck it up and do it. Why can’t I? I haven’t been working that much at all, and at this point I don’t know what else to do. I just need to start something different and fast.

I’m at such a loss.

I feel so stuck.

I’ve been so depressed lately. I hate being alone because that means I have no one to talk to when I feel this way. I don’t have real friends to talk to. I have online “friends” but I don’t trust them enough to tell them how I feel. I don’t want to “vent” to my followers either because I know they don’t care. I’d just make them uncomfortable.

I can’t talk to my parents because they’re not that kind of parents. And I obviously don’t have a therapist to talk to. I’m not going to fuck with the suicide hotline either—I don’t want to get thrown […]

Are you ready to die if it were to happen without killing your self?

Anyone got any ideas on how to make extra money via non traditional means? ie not via regular jobs.

YouTuber- BUT I don’t want to expose my face, so that limits both what kind of content I can create and income potential. Hell, I wouldn’t even know what kind of content to create. I’m not good with computer stuff, video editing, don’t have a good voice…. So…YouTuber probably not really for me unless I can find what content I can do without exposing my face that will draw a good size audience worth the time. We only obviously see YouTubers who […]

I wish I was worse at getting out of bed….. and I’m not good at it. Lately I’ve been sleeping until noon, then I’m up until about 1 AM, wash rinse repeat. So that’s 11 hours a day asleep, and I prefer it, turns out

Today I was supposed to have a therapy appointment, and so I woke up at 8 AM. This was after waking up at least twice in the night, and every single time after a nightmare… so I dragged out of bed, got ready and drove to the appointment. Any other day, that’d be it, the sum of the misery associated with […]

Wouldn’t it be nice if @mindlessgamer got a better job and pay and didn’t have to work at his shit call center anymore? How much of his depression would *instantly* be lifted if he just had a better job with better pay?

Wouldn’t it be nice @heartlessviking could move into a nice house by a lake in Michigan or Canada where it’s nice and cold, where he can take walks in the nature with his dog? How much of his depression would lift if he could move away from a crappy hot humid state to one that was nicer?

Wouldn’t it be nice […]

I have the feeling of being stuck, being in the middle of some dark and bleak body of water, knowing if I slip just once I’ll sink to my death. Cold and tired, stranded at sea. I’m tired of it all, I’m tired of hurting. Lately my sleep has been terrible, even with sleep medicine. I just can’t, I guess. Everything is so overwhelming, it keeps me up.

Sometimes I’m not sure I can take myself seriously. As in, maybe it’s not as bad as I’m making it out to be, on here, in my head. That I’m just being dramatic, b.itching over nothing. I see […]

I just don’t feel comfortable anywhere. Not at home or outside of it. I don’t fit in anywhere. I can’t make connections with people the way others do. It feels like there’s something so different about me that prevents me from becoming “one” with this world. It’s not that I don’t like the people around me, it’s that I don’t understand them.

I guess what I’m feeling is something like a perpetual feeling of homesickness, except for the fact that I am “home”. I keep hoping that it gets better, and maybe it will, I haven’t even graduated high school yet. I just wish they’d […]

I am having severe allergies. I don’t know to what. The skin on my chest is literally breaking out so bad, and it’s so red and swollen from being scratched at constantly.

I don’t know what is causing it. Not sure how long it’s been but weeks at least.

It can’t be food bc I’ve stopped eating much lately. It could be the mold that’s likely in the basement kitchen, but then again why wasn’t I this itchy the first 2-3mo I was here? It could be allergy to something in the air (weed, pollen, etc), BUT it usually subsides […]

These families survive by salvaging garbage. Every day they risk their lives for scraps, scraps of food that they eat, or scraps of recycle-able material which they sell. The sad thing is they make twice what farmers do in the same country. So here, at least, high risk equates to relatively high reward.

how cursed are we to have food? to have the luxury of non working stomachs? I envy these people their hunger, their gratitude, their community. It is warmer and kinder than anything I see among the supposedly “rich”

It’s a nasty thing, letting the billionaires be right about something. They say we aren’t poor […]

3 years I worked this job. 3 fucking years.
This is my 3rd queue with them.
Sad thing is, the queue itself is a lot better, it’s just that the damn company is still the same after all this time.
I’d put up with some serious shit at that job for the sake of a paycheck.
Now though, now I can’t do that anymore.
I haven’t been there in a long while (think the place finally broke me after 3 years of their shit) and it helps A LOT, but unfortunately, I haven’t found a job to replace it yet. So I’ll go back tomorrow, […]

so, uh, first of all; I’m not alone with this. that’s nice. thanks antemortem for uh, existing with the same horrible condition as I do.

I’m not sure how to deal with the fact I’ll never be a person. Never going to do anything. Won’t learn anything. barely talk to anyone. never transition. i like to think i would’ve been a good person at being a person. And instead my brain just broke! Wasn’t even traumatized by an event, my brain just did this. This is awesome.

What isn’t a lie these days?

-Mainstream media spews out bullshit to make us believe what the rich that control our country want us to believe- BOTH on the MSM Left and MSM Right.
-BOTH establishment Left and Right are lying to us, pitting us against each other to distract us so that we don’t band together to FIGHT THEM.
-Education is bull- 90% of “history” we’ve been taught has turned out to be lies.
-Science- Who would have thought that even “science” can be manipulated to push an agenda? When “science” is no longer science and “fact” is no longer a fact…our country and […]

This video was made last year, “official” inflation at 8.7%
And this year’s inflation # just came out at “only” 3.2%.

What a crock of bullshit. We all know the prices of foods and goods has risen way more than 3.2% this year. The govt lies about inflation #s so that the COLA- Cost of Living Adjustment remains low. COLA is what determines how much Social Security has to pay out, and the govt has been lying for DECADES about inflation #s to not pay out.

Inflation was “0.0%” in 2015
Inflation was “0.3%” in 2016

Inflation was “1.6%” in 2019
Inflation was “1.3%” in […]

I do not yet know the precise method outside of asphyxiation. It’s funny because as a child I had an intense and recurring dream that I died by drowning in a previous life. Looks like it’s going to be similar in this life, in terms of breathing.

My mum died last week and I absolutely cannot and will not continue in life without her.

I hope there is an after life or reincarnation (though ideally I would just have a lifelong rest).

My biggest fear is something interrupting what I do and I awake but with a severe disability and can then never do anything for myself but […]

I can almost hear my many therapists, saying fix the problem closer to home, fix MY problems, but that’s just it, this is my problem. I tried for years and years to become more passive, more like others. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t work 60-100 hour weeks and barely make enough to cover expenses. and now I live off of my family, and a part of me wants to feel guilty for that. I’m doing it though, I’m not going to be some passive jerk keeping the system corrupt. I like to believe that even without my family, I’d rather be homeless than kill […]

The thoughts continue to get worse.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not going to die. There’s just going to be less of me every day. This is getting to be too much to even distract myself from it. I’m not going to ever be able to kill myself. Everything left inside of me (every last scrap of thoughts and feelings and personhood and egoic cohesion and memory) is eroding and there’s already basically nothing left and I’m just left… incapable of existing in the same space as this truth.

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute […]

I can’t help thinking about what life would be like if I’d made different choices. Of course, in order to choose differently, I would’ve had to have been a different person, living in a different reality. But what if things were just ever so slightly different. If something else had caught my attention, just long enough to prevent me from doing something terrible. And if I’d avoided that, would I have found my way out of my depressive self-hating spiral? Would I have rediscovered my purpose in life, and re-engaged with the world? Would there be a different version of me lying here now, with […]