1- Stupid Amazon Delivery guys keep delivering to the WRONG area. They never WALK over to MY door, just drop the package off on the ground like 20ft BEFORE my door. I have more deliveries coming so it’s a fucking issue. And usually there’s a truck but I went out right after I got the message it was delivered and there was no truck- I literally got outside 2min after it was delivered- and I couldn’t even flag down the driver to tell them to deliver to the right door next time. Next time they’re going to deliver to the wrong […]

I just lopped off about 7-8″ of hair. Just used a scissor and done. Tired of my damaged hair snagging on the brush. Also didn’t want to pay like $30 to get my hair cut. They always charge extra for “long” hair. Anything over shoulder length is considered “long” but it’s just an excuse to charge more. I’m sure it’s uneven but eh.

I do like long hair much better than short, but it’s somehow freeing to get rid of those several inches. Especially since the bottom ones are more damaged/dry/split ends.

Anyway, not an important post but […]

Things keep looking bleaker and bleaker. I didn’t get this job I was real excited for. Lab technician up in Boston. Wanted to work in a lab again. Apparently I was in the top 3. I was also overqualified. Probably what did me in. Might be arrogant to say that. Was pretty bummed. Now I have to dive back into the hellscape of looking for a job. Got like 3 calls today at least for an interview for technician roles and automation engineer. Overqualified again for that technician job. Failed the automation engineer […]

I dont mean to give toxic positivity. Im only trying to help those who want the help. I can only contribute what has worked for myself. Thoughts and realizations that worked for me. Take what follows from this point on with a grain of salt, but also, if you choose to continue to read, give it a fair chance to make impact.

Some people say, “I want to kill myself, but Im too afraid to go through with it all. So I do nothing, and suffer.” But we only get so many days in a life. The people who say this ARE killing themselves. […]

Life is hopeless, but there’s a terrifying kind of hopeless when you realize that money, the most powerful thing in world, can’t help you. Can’t even make it better.  Can’t do shit.

I can’t even dream of winning a lottery, striking oil or finding buried treasure. Nothing makes a difference. Nothing.

THIS.
THIS is a lesson I learned too late in life. Women have treated me FAR worse than all the crappy men put together. It’s hard to explain to someone bc “no one punched you,” “no one physically harmed you,” and no one did anything “illegal.” But women do THE most damage to other women psychologically and socially (via gossip). It’s just not talked about. And these cu.nts pretend to be “your sweet friend”
when they are anything but.

Not suicide related

My new friend told me the other day that ‘I remind him of his abusive ex’ and apparently I look like her on some angles, and I have some mannerisms and sort of act like her in some ways.
We seem to have a good time together when we spend time together (although that’s limited because we both live rurally and 1-1 and a half hours away depending on the route taken).
But I feel like I’m just traumatizing him with my existence, unfortunately. Who would want to be with someone who reminds them of an abusive ex?
He said it’s his […]

“The Life That You Want Is On the Other Side of the Work You’re Avoiding”

Was watching Jimmy Carr and this part really struck me:
@5:25

What do you think? I think it especially applies to a lot of ppl here on SP, including me. Whether that means having more friendships, relationships, better career, moving to another city/state/country, etc. Depressed ppl are the kings and queens of procrastination. Not saying all of us here are, but I know I am.

I hate that I’m a procrastinator. I used to be very much a do-er, especially when it came to things I […]

I’m getting just about fed up with this Loch ness monster of a modern job market.

Before I explain, a video in way of exposition;

Most of you are within the age range of me to remember the show and remember the bit, but it’s one of my favorite.

Anyway so this last job that still hasn’t generated me a single dollar of income has cost me over $700. My wife and I are pretty pissed off about it. The company may have been somewhat respectable, but I wasted at least a month trying to make it happen all for a big fat nothing.

I really feel like I’m […]

Amazing how one’s environment can dominate you. I was awakened today at 11 AM when the power went out. I would later learn this was because my mom forgot to pay the bill. This set all of our battery backups beeping. Now at the time I’m thinking we’ve got a storm rolling through, it might be a short blackout. I’m trying to sleep through it. My wife gets up.

The blackout goes on, and my wife tells me that there’s an estimated restoration in the afternoon. I resolve to try and sleep until then. The beeping has ceased by now. I wake up at 2 and […]

Do you notice that there are rules of social engagement that other people understand, but you struggle with?

It’s been a thought of mine lately that, at the risk of being dismissive, I will refuse to endure sifting through nuanced conversations with half shrouded intentions. It exhausts me to try to sort through discussions within my social sphere trying to determine who is friend, foe, or frenemy.

Frankly, I would rather be alone with my own oddness than suffer through the boorish character assassination of the petty and the restless.

It disgusts me when people just want to “warn” me to avoid someone else. It’s just a veiled […]

Because of my severe depression and burnout after being diagnosed with a hearing disability, my functioning completely shut down and I lost all my friendships, my romantic relationship and my academic career. I was simply holding so much pain and internalized self-hatred and feelings of worthlessness, that I had no energy to nurture my connections or even take proper care of myself. Messages went unanswered, I quietly disappeared from people’s lives like a ghost, unable to get out of bed, struck down with a complete inability to function like a normal human being. I was carrying the thought of how much I wanted to disappear […]

THIS:
Sums up why Americans are depressed AF and stuck in this debt/just barely surviving loop
9min

Most mental health forums I visit have tons of addicts & more-than-casual drug users, but I feel like SP is (mostly) clean? That’s really interesting. Commendable. Confusing?

All I know is when I’m at rock the fuck bottom like I’ve been for the last year, the only thing that keeps me from diving off the nearest overpass into traffic is a hard dose of something. My existence is so fucking artificial, like a functional coma, but the alternative is to wake up and end it all. Which, all things being equal, would get the job done more efficiently.

I was trying to get the Sky Sports main event channel up on a new package. Every other channel was working except this one,, the most important and valuable one because of live Saturday and Sunday premier league football. ” Not fucking working, every other station except the one I wanted”  I said out to her in the kitchen. She came in with tea and a large bar of Cadburys caramel chocolate, the best  version t hat has to be purchased independently of the multi pack, larger squares of chocolate. I was licking my lips. “Caramel, your favourite” she said handing me the tea and […]

Isn’t it funny how the shittiest people almost always have the best lives? So many good people get screwed, but all the shitty selfish dicks and cu.nts I know are living their best fucking lives. What a load of crock life is.

I mean I wouldn’t say ALL good people get screwed and ALL bad people wind up doing well BUT what I have seen IRL to the people that I personally know- that is mostly the case. The shittiest people have the best lives. The users, manipulators, liars, schemers, the super selfish, the ones that lack the most moral- THESE […]

I’m usually really good about being able to write out my feelings and right now I’m at a loss for words. I think because after so long i finally let someone in. I let him into my life. I let him see the darkest parts of me. I let him hear about my abuse. My love for pills. My severe depression. My anxiety. My hate for myself. For once I wasn’t sad I wasn’t fearful of being alone with a man. He didn’t take advantage of me. He didn’t scream at me for my fuck ups. I only ever asked for one thing and that […]

I’ve been trying to keep myself alive until I can actually afford the right equipment to make my exit. I can now buy my ******** tank and Gas Flow Regulator. It’s empowering to know I will finally be able to Exit On-Demand. With only a few breaths I will be able to leave all my misery behind.

Anybody regret anything? Or if you had the chance to undo / redo something, what would it be?

Me1- Should have gone for a different degree at a different university
Me2- Should not have quit my job / should have applied to others jobs
Me3- Should not have broken up with my ex (should have told him my depression, feelings)
Me4- Should have waited at least 1 day to drive back to DC
Me5- Should NOT have gone out that 1 fateful night, despite telling ex-friend NO a dozen times.
Me6- Should NOT have moved back home

Me7- Should not have worked so […]