i made my SP account recently but ive been visiting this site for more than 4 years.. this site had amazing conversations and people were really socializing and the posts had not less then 20 comments however depressed or suicidal you were people would cheer you and be friendly now i see posts going without comments and no socializing this place was like a big family what happened???
Tag:
20
I don’t know what the hell’s going on. I’m on Prozac, 20 mg/day. I don’t do alcohol or drugs or anything. I’m not even that depressed right now. But I’m seeing things…at first these things weren’t too scary, just a little annoying, like Gingy would steal my pencils and hide them. But now Gingy’s rabid. Whenever he shows up I lock myself in the bathroom. He can’t get in the bathroom because that’s where I was conceived.
What the hell am I supposed to do? He brought some of his friends, they’re outside…the doors are locked, my dad’s at work…it’s tough to even focus on school […]
I’ve been suffering from the disease of depression for a while- my brother had it, my mom had it, and now I have it. More than once have I contemplated my suicide- I’m worthless, unattractive, stupid, mean, unloved, and pathetic. However, I have tried and tried and tried to look for ways to do it and I always come up without an answer. Clearly for me, the best way to go is consumption of pills- there are plenty of those in my house. However, I have heard of liver failures and such, and I’m so afraid that dying will be painful. I don’t want to […]
I stumbled apon this page today while desperately searching for an explanation to my constant desire to end my own life. The posts that I have read thus far have touched my heart and soul in ways i cannot imagine, i relate to so many of these posts. As i have just mentioned I found this page today so this is my first post.
I am a 20 year old university student, on the forefront i seem like I have the world figured out and a future most people only dream of but here is the truth: I am alone in this world that has been […]
For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
I’m 20 and in my second year of varsity. I have a history of cutting myself and have tried to kill myself a few times, putting myself in hospital once. After a lot of effort and the help of my boyfriend I was able to move past it and break the habit. But now he and I are having a really rough patch. We have nothing in common. He’s Mr Logic while I’m immensely emotional. He doesn’t make me feel wanted or special. It feels like he looks down on me a lot. I’m not even sure if I still love him any more. My […]
I’ve just realised something today. Something truly horrible. To me at least.
In nearly 5 months the only people I have seen are my family. Literally the only people I’ve interacted with are the four members of my family.
5 months ago I probably saw 20 different people a day.
It’s funny how things change.
I was 12. I fell for the first girl in my life. And I cried myself to sleep every night.
I was 20. Someone told me I was blessed that I should be envied by everyone. I just said nah. What was going on my mind was, which blessed one on earth will fear that she would die alone?
I am 25. This fear is just getting more and more real. And I still cry myself to sleep.
It’s not just the lack of romantic life that hurts. Not just being appreciated romantically by no one. But that you know your fate and you can’t escape from it. […]
When the narcotics… The pills. .. Anything mind altering is gone..is when I feel everything the most.. I’m 20.. I’m a addict…I had previous problems before mentally all that I already posted on it….
I’ve noticed… I still feel like dieing when I’m high and I still attempt. But I find my self sober being maybe more successful in the near future… Drugs make me feel numb.. I no that. Mind altering and blah blah. I just want to stay high all the time. To like literally keep shit off my mind. But its getting more and more intence… I can feel it coming soon. I […]
I remember when I first started posting here, I was lost, very depressed, and lonely. I always thought, “I am not going anywhere in life. I just want to turn 20, live on my own, and kill myself!” After being on here for a while I started to feel a bit happier, soon after I began therapy and started to fell more happy, more confident, less lonely, I started being more hopeful about the future and had plans for what I want to do. But here I am again, a few months later and I am back to being depressed, I have isolated myself and […]
Hello, I’m a 20 year old guy currently living at home with his parents, going to school. I don’t have a lot of friends, and I’ve never been social.
But recently I’ve been getting closer and closer to suicide. I’m nearly failing school (again) and I’m one quarter away from getting kicked out of both my parent’s house and my school. Currently, my computer and my favorite TV show’s upcoming fifth season are the only things keeping me alive. But is it truly worth the pain? Just to watch some silly animated show’s fifth season, in return to months of endless suffering.
I have severe ADHD and […]
First, I fully admit that this is childish and stupid, but it pisses me the hell off, so I’m going to write about it. (In retrospect, I think I got mad about the same thing last year – there’s a fucking suprise.)
Friday was my birthday. As with every other year, no one remembered other than my parents. (Which I am grateful for – they’re getting up there in years and my mom is terminally ill, so it meant a lot.) But, what makes me mad is that I have “friends”. I call these friends, I try to be there, to listen, to help out, etc. […]
I just found this website while I was quite depressed and just thought i would give it a try sharing my story here because I really don’t know who I should trust for now…
To start with, I’m a guy in mid 20’s. My childhood wasn’t that great coz my dad used to beat the crap out of me almost everyday for all his pressure he faces in the outside world. My mom is timid and has to support my dad always even if it has to be over me.
I just wanted to leave them away so I went to pursue my graduation in a foreign […]
Just kidding. I have a method, although alone, I loved you.
I really, really wish this would end. I am pretty tired. You, know. That’s a good way to describe it. I am tired.
Holding on, is hard. I just can’t end up failing again. Hearing my mom scream, and cry. That and the hallucinations I experience were basically hell to me.
My mom is a strong woman, she’s been through her fair share as we all have. She doesn’t cry . Seeing her finally cry for the first time in years, because of me, because of my lifeless body .
I can’t experience that again, and , even if […]
With the new year fast approaching I thought it might be interesting to engage in a little fantasizing. A bit of a fantasy never hurts now and then and it can sometimes tell us where we are grounded and where we are not. So here goes. Just answer the question in a million words or less…
If you were approached by the devil and offered a price to sell your soul into eternal damnation, what would you want in return?
To offer some food for thought, I was contemplating something like this: Being returned to the year 1969, with a 20 year old body, one billion pounds […]
I don`t know where to start.
I was dating the most wonderful woman for a short 20 months; not long, I know. But the time we spent together is irreplaceable. I already deal with depression and anxiety so when she left me one week before Christmas it just set off a severe downward spiral. I cannot get through the day without drinking copious amounts of alcohol and freezing up when the emotions get too strong. I`ve started self-harming again, I haven`t done this in years. It`s not her fault, this is not just because of a simple breakup but an underlying fact that I have not […]
So, I’m a full-time nanny. That means that I live with a family and take care of their child. I get paid $20 a week. I don’t get breaks and I’m expected to clean as well. Not so bad when you have no bills to pay. Or at least you would think. I took this job because I know the mother in high school and she helped me out with my prom fare and when my sister’s dog got hit by a car, she gave us a ride to the vet. So the first few months I was here, I decided to work for free […]
Please, pardon my language if it’s too much for you.
People see babies, and they often think. “awe, it’s adorable” (Or something of the sort.)
I see a baby, I think. “Wow, some guy put his penis, where pee comes out of, into a girls vagina, where pee comes out of, during sex, and he ejaculated inside of her, and a baby began forming, then after months of growing into a living being that baby then stretched open that females vagina 20 times bigger than it should ever be and came out covered in blood and amniotic fluids. That’s fucking disgusting.”
I didn’t realize I would write so much. TLDR: I’m doing poorly in my classes, I’ve relapsed pretty hard in terms of mental illness and self-harm, and I really, really want to stop the pain and disappointment and just kill myself, etc. etc.
(Fair warning, this entire post is very melodramatic.)
I am that horrible student who cannot accept anything less than an A. I am that piece of shit that needs a 4.0 to feel any sort of self-worth. I can’t even blame my parents anymore for this horrible mentality because I am not a child anymore. I am nearly 20, and though they care about […]
Well after being upped from 20 to 40mg fluoxetine daily after a bad episode of depression I fell that life is more pointless than ever. I have no passions, find no enjoyment in anything at all and have no enthusiasm for anything, as well as having increasing bad social anxiety, making it unfortunately difficult for me to do my work for university. Overall I am morbidly unhappy; everything is just so dull and boring. I constantly ask myself is life worth the effort and is there any point to going on because I am sure that I will end my own life someday. I fantasise […]