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Session 19: Read between the lines.

by R3T31D
written by R3T31D

Part of me still hopes for a safe resolution, maybe find someone that is not a religious crack head to try to repair me?  Is just false hope, I know that.  I’ve known that for some time.   I wonder why I kept holding on to this noise.   I knew that everyone was going to walk away, to move on.

Everyone moves on, in the end we are nothing but memories that linger in time and eventually fade into nothing.  Unless you find one of those people that can never forget.  If such a thing even exists.

I’ve been researching more locations in the area that […]

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I’m 20 years old. This is my goodbye letter.

by deadford34
written by deadford34

if you’re reading this it’s because I finally found the strength to do what I have threatened and wanted for so long. Think what you want, that I’m a coward or I’m weak. I can’t handle the thoughts or the pain of this. She was my entire world and my savior. I fucked it all up. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t forget. I can’t move on. I can never love someone else and now the only one who truly loved, accepted, and knew me is gone because of me. I don’t understand how she can move on. I can’t stand the thought of her […]

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Young age…

by Anonymous9320
written by Anonymous9320

Im not lying when I am saying I was a young age. I was in a grade between 1st and 3rd. Living in a trailer park with a few younger siblings, one being an infant. My dad and mom broke up a while back, and the boyfriend she had at the time is scary and mean that is also the father of my 2 sisters and brother. I remember when I was a kid my dad used to make me go to church.  With me brainwashed into the religion every night before I went to bed I cried to god praying that he would take […]

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Belladonna?

by Self_inflicted89
written by Self_inflicted89

would it work? I think it might, I just don’t know the side effects. I’m 25 now and have been struggling with my depression anxiety and mania since I was 11. They added borderline personality disorder as a comorbid to my bipolar II when I was 20. I just don’t have it in me anymore to do this. I am a coward, and don’t want it to hurt. I already hurt enough all the time. So I want death to be painless. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I just want to sleep forever and ever. And that makes me […]

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sleep, as was

by heliumhood
written by heliumhood

Even in sleep my mind is filled with thoughts that all come back to the same finality.

As I have been unable to work for almost 2 years, the old grey matter hasn’t been getting much of a work out, say for the odd long walk with my dog’s. There are some times several days where the 3 of us just stay in our own little ‘nest’, only surfacing about 20 minutes before my other half arrives home, and painting on that smile that says everything is ok.

 

Then it’s a few cans of lager, my sleeping meds, and a few blessed hours of rest. This time […]

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It is like

by DeadGirlNotFound
written by DeadGirlNotFound

Its not like Im some teenage girl going through tough times. iam a 20 year old adult who wants to be free, i dont care what it takes, i dont even care anymore about anything, i’ll be doing it for myself and only myself to free myself from this world, because this world is black, and i have seen colors, i have enjoyed here but not anymore, im not sad, i know this is the right thing to do and i will be getting hold of a gun soon, guns are fast, and they suit my personality.

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ducks in a row

by kristink
written by kristink

i haven’t been posting much lately because it is always the same old shit. i take 6 medications to try to make me feel better. i was recently put in my place by my shrink who sees 24 nut jobs like me a day. 20 minute appts only. money wise it comes out to $800 an hour-nice scam . i finally got it through my thick skull that the less i say the easier the appts will be. just give me my scripts and send me on my way. i can write with impunity now knowing that no one has the time to read these […]

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Confession

by Dollycutter
written by Dollycutter

The relative anonymity of this site makes this possible. I have a soul that thrives on confession and a mind that recognizes when that’s a bad thing.

A month or so before finding out I was pregnant with my second son I attempted suicide. I was in a very abusive relationship and I felt trapped. Looking back I am aware that wasn’t the case but it felt like it. On top of the abuse I dealt with a lifelong sense of worthlessness and insecurity.

I consumed nearly a fifth of cheap vodka as fast as I could and ate 20 percocets. My boyfriend found me […]

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Life goes on

by PaleHorse
written by PaleHorse

This is going to be my first post in a while but ill try to keep things concise.

Im a guy aged 20 studying in university at the moment. Im writing this because last time I was here a few years back somebody told me that age old cliche things get better with time.. But im still waiting and the last few weeks have just gotten harder and harder.
I keep wanting to talk to someone but being from a not particularly close family ive sort of grown up never discussing feelings and problems, and when I try it feels too much like counselling again and […]

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inhumane

by mortuarychic
written by mortuarychic

Honestly I’m wishing I didn’t have a reason to be on here… but I do. Im a 20 year old college graduate, but I can’t get a job in my field to save my life…. you’d think it wouldn’t be so hard. I work at a grocery store stocking shelves…. I didn’t go into debt for this. Not to mention these people make me question the ounce of sanity that I have left. I haven’t touched a blade to my skin in 9 months.  That’s saying something. Of course I get my share of bruises and burns from work but its not the same. I […]

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26,000+ in debt plus 28,000 thousand more

by alum
written by alum

So this man posted his hospital bill on Reddit as an example of our flawed healthcare system and apparently, his situation is not completely unheard of. As a 20 year old who is contemplating bankruptcy because I owe 26,000 to a hospital when I was made to retract my 72hr notice several times and kept in conditions that violated my patient rights but was explained to me that I was basically less then human and had no rights several times so apparently that made the treatment ok. It’s funny because the first time I tried to off myself I was just sick of living in this […]

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help?

by martijn
written by martijn

Hello, my name is Martijn. I’m a 15 year old boy. I’ve had a depression before when I was about 12. It lasted about a year. Ive been in therapy and been taking medication since then. The following 3 years of my life have been great. But half a year ago, I started fealing anxious again.  strange, violent toughts towards me and the people around me popped op in my head. I often felt empty, as in a dream but i couldn’t ‘wake up’. It felt like I didn’t use my medication anymore, wich I have to control my anxiety. Since then, I started feeling […]

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Born Too Late

by BoyofChagrin
written by BoyofChagrin

If I was born into a noble family in the 1500’s, I would be happy. I could be a pawn to the king and get killed in battle, at least it would be lawful and acceptable. I’d be a marauder of death, wielding two claymore because shields mean you want to see tomorrow.

If I was born to a caveman 15,000 B.C.E, I would be happy. My mind would be at ease, the only thoughts it could produce would be for survival. I’d likely die before 20 due to some malicious disease, and that’s fine by me.

If I was born in 1997,May 15th, then I would […]

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I am coming apart…

by taylor15
written by taylor15

Nothing is getting any better. I thought that after cancer I could face anything… that the world had to throw me some sort of bone, but it hasn’t. I don’t know what to do anymore. The only thing i wake up for is my job… and here people are constantly yelling. I get scared and i want to be held… but the only man who i trust to hold me cant stay here for much longer. i dont want to rely on him to be my savior. frankly, i’m tired of being saved. I want nothing more than to sleep, but as of late, that’s […]

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I like how

by Remnant The Unbroken
written by Remnant The Unbroken

My dad only tells me he loves me when it’s convenient. He calls our house and is like “Who is this?” when I answer. I couldn’t tell if he was joking, but  I say sarcastically, “One of your kids”. He then says that one of my sisters calls, and I tell him I’ll let her know that he called back. “Alright, bye.” Then hangs up.

Lol that’s the most I’ve talked to him in about 2 months. Yeah I know some people don’t get to talk to their dads at all. Sometimes I wish he was completely gone so I didn’t have to be tortured by his superficial asshole yet nonexistent […]

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My experience

by PerfectDay
written by PerfectDay

It’s  my first time here, I want to say that English is not my first language so I’m sorry if I make mistakes.

I’m 20 and I’ve been suicidal since I was 9, I’ve tried it a few times when I was younger and didn’t succeed but luckily no one even noticed. I’ve regularly made cuts in my legs since I was 12, my family and friends have seen the scars and even asked about them but none of them seems to actually care about it.

Last year I started talking with who is my best friend now, she’s suicidal too. We support each other and we […]

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The end

by justintg
written by justintg

Well.. I’m less than 20 days from being 18. I have had social anxiety for most of life, at least from when I was ~4. I have had countless episodes of it, whether they are a friend of mine or not, I will get nervous. I had to take medicine to walk the stage without panicking, as well as with my speeches this year. I am on medicine and I think it’s where I got the depression for the most part. I was told I have depression symptoms but since taking the medicine the thoughts of suicide has gone in more depth. I have now […]

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Please help me.

by ellie19
written by ellie19

I don’t know where to start. I’m a girl, I’m 20 and I think I’ve completely ruined my life.

I have cheated on my boyfriend of three years several times when drunk. I had sex with one, and the others were kisses only.

what can I do? Well, I’ve told him. He forgave me. But I did it once more than he knows about. I don’t know what to do, I don’t think there’s any way out. I love him so much, I truly do. I don’t know why I do it when I’m drunk.

You can say it, I’m a complete *****. I know.

But guys, I think […]

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Subjective reality

by Stain
written by Stain

Absolute reality, if it exists, doesn’t matter to the individual. What matters is the individual’s perception of reality because that’s all he or she knows. With that in mind, at what point does your subjective reality shift away from absolute (or should I say ‘collective’) reality?

This is what I mean: you might sleep about 6-10 hours a day, and the rest of the time you’re awake and conscious of reality. Well what if, through drugs or other means, you sleep 20 hours a day, leaving only 4 hours of “reality”? Do those 4 hours become insignificant?

I know what you’re thinking… of course not. Because our […]

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Euthanasia Cruises

by nozmoking
written by nozmoking

An old acquaintance of mine used to have a radio show and once in a while he would pull off a fake commercial and let the audience vote on whether or not they thought it was legit. One of my favorites was “Euthanasia Cruises”. For $2500 you could book passage on a luxury ocean liner that sailed out past the 20 mile limit. Then the passengers could do whatever they wanted for three days and nights – eat, drink, do drugs, have sex with each other – whatever they felt like doing and as much as they wanted. Then after the three days everyone gets […]

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