My first post on here was in April of 2015. It is now April of 2016 and I am back on checking this website for the first time in months. I wish I could say that time healed me, but I cannot. I am doing better some days but I know that is because I rarely leave my house or my room. I turned 20 at the end of March. I needed that birthday. It was a good day. I still want to die. I still think about it regularly. I’ve been getting out of the house a little bit more now. I actually have […]
Feeling paralyzed.
Day by day I feel like a sand clock seen the day pass by so slow that I can’t even breath.
Since my grandoarents died I feel so empty that I can’t fight anymore I’m sick and I hate all the treatments. My mother day by day tell how much she love’s my brother and that she doesn’t expect anything from me. I hate these pain that I just want to die.
At the university I met my husband he is my best friend he wanted to take care of me so we married on august 20, 2015 on the civil court but he never touch me […]
This should be the talk topic of the day. I’m sure you all read about Michelle Carter a high school honor student who was pressuring her boyfriend to commit suicide with proof of over 1000 text. They both were suicidal but instead she assisted him and it’spossible to even be a crime because she’s being tride accessory manslaughter and could face up to 20 years. so beware on sharing methods and encouraging others. Also I think everyone […]
It’s 4.15 am. Had horrible nightmares and awake since then. It’s been hours and it’s been years. I can’t sleep properly.
I won’t say all 365 days are like this. I guess, I have okayiesh days also, I won’t say good or wonderful because 2015 was the wrost year of my life.
I was a failure in 2015 at many tasks, two of them were, giving lot of happiness to my soul mate and ending this miseryful life. But I guess these two tasks can’t be completed at once. I failed lots of times at killing myself. In 2015 I was too close to finish the task […]
Hey SP,
It’s currently 3:00am on the 1st of January 2016 as I write this, and I don’t know how to feel.
I’m kind of glad that I’ve made it another year. This means that I’m another year closer to leaving home (only a year and 8 months to go now) which I’ve been waiting for since I was 13 years old. I’ve also started looking at university options and jobs so that I can save up enough money by the time I get to university to live fairly decently. Or the money will be used if I end up leaving home before then. Either […]
got to wake up at six this morning to feed the baby. as he fell asleep i’ve noticed that today is the last day of 2015 and it got me thinking what i’ve been through this year. i remember the last day of 2014. i sat on top of the roof and had the same exact thoughts. i remember watching the sun set and thinking the next time i’ll see it it will be 2015. in the evening i ordered a whole tray of pizza for myself and watched “the exorcist” as the clock passed midnight.
in january i moved from my parents’ house for the […]
2015 wasn’t an easy year for me. I didn’t attempt to kill myself but the thoughts at times to do so, were relentless. Last couple of months I’ve been doing group therapy for the first time since I was a teenager, with people that share my particular label which is borderline personality disorder. It feels good to be around people who are in the same boat. It has helped me feel less alone. I’m having to use my annual leave at work, to attend the appointments, which is a bit rough, because normally I’d use my annual leave as ‘sick days’ or as a day […]
When I look back on 2015, it’s been a dark and frightening journey for me. I almost attempted self-harming and thought up multiple suicide methods for myself. It’s been difficult, yeah, but hey it’s the end of the year now. I am still waking up in the morning, and for that I am eternally grateful. One thing I’ve learned here is to know when to stop this incessant worrying inside my head. Overthinking has always been a huge issue for me, but I’ve kept pushing through, no matter how hard it has proven to be. A few months ago, I made a promise to myself […]
Almost christmas 2015 was not good lost someone icared for but it was my fault _ is no longer in my life i do miss him i herd u might be around soon if u see me idk wat u will say or if u will even say anything the break up wat we had didnt end so well but i do hope u get happiness and good things i wish to say so much to u but ill never get that chance i no longer can msge u anywhere i really dont like the block button tbh kinda nervoise if i do i hope […]
I want to die but I can’t die.It will destroy my family, what’s left from it. I don’t see a point in living this life. My atheist beliefs destroyed me, it’s like what can be better than going into the nothingness you came from or search for the unknown. Sadly, I am a person that has a big IQ . And persons with high intelligence tend more to go insane. My experiences in life turned me to believe in nothing, somehow deep down I still hope for something but what can be better than eternal tranquility? I also suffered from anxiety and depression and with […]
So ehm, this is my first time here but I thought it’d be a good idea using this instead of bottling it all up to myself like I have done for years. Growing up wasn’t the easiest, well I’m still growing up but when I was quite a bit younger, my mum met this guy, who wasn’t the best for her, my brother or I, we all thought he was so lovely at first, but then things started to get bad, he became abusive every once in a while but then I turned into everyday. He would never hit me or my brother but it […]
I am theloser102. The one and only loser in my sovereign city.
On November 21st, 2015 at 11:00 PM at night, I decided it would the perfect time for me to finally find peace. I went to the area with lots of trees near my house and used a rope I bought. For the sake of following the rules, I’ll leave it at that. The aftermath however……
My suicide did not work, even after three tries. The only damage that was done was a few rope burns on my neck and a little bleeding, I couldn’t believe it. I ensured everything was well tight and was highly […]
Hello. I am 15 years old, and I have never met my dad- not my real one anyways. I have a verbally abusive step-dad, and a mother who doesn’t understand what I have been going through.
I am the oldest child of 3, and I have depression.
You may be saying, “well duh, you’re 15” and all the “all teenagers are” but let me tell you that I used to be a happy kid. I was outdoorsy, and social. Now I am a selective mute who hates the outdoors. Actually, I love the outdoors- just not the things in it- if that makes any sense.
I am an […]
June 27, 2015 at 6:15 AM
From: Kathryn Marie Hunter (Me)
To: Rick and Maggie Hunter (My parents)
This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I assure that it was a long time coming. Before this past week, I didn’t have the support to do this, but now I’m surrounded by people willing to help. This isn’t to upset you, but rather to give you a rude awakening.
The Katy you know is not the real one. The real me has hidden from you since 3rd grade, and has stayed in hiding until now. You have not noticed this, as you believe fallacies, and deny the […]
I’m empty, but deep down I feel a very distinct emotion of hate, and sorrow. My mind is very confusing, to say the least. There are trap doors that hide behind old memories collecting dust, and I don’t have a flash light to rummage through broken dreams without being cut. Too bad my scars are not able to completely fade away, I can not hide everything from everyone and I seem to do a shit job at it anyway. But what I find is that the people who notice are the people who really care. I mean, if you “care”, that’s fine, but don’t hang […]
I like lists, here’s “my story” in a list:
1. Decent (but not decent enough) suicide attempt in 2012 (overdose and wrist-cutting). No prior attempt and no attempt since (yet).
2. Spent a while in hospital recovering.
2. Mis-diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
3. Lived in a phyciatric hospital for a few months.
4. Re-diagnosed with major depression and anxiety.
5. Tried all the drugs (citalopram to lithium and all in between).
6. Lost job (and everything else). Unemployed.
7. Fast forward to 2015.
8. Finally back to “living a normal life” (Job, boyfriend, etc.) Not on any medication for a year.
9. Seriously considering suicide again (most likely gassing or hanging). I have a plan […]
Its May 1st 2015, or 5-1-15 (5115).
And so, a palindromic poem:
Baited Breath
Exhale no inhale
Bag over head
I didn’t understand
Questions thoughts, unaddressed
Fear bubbles, darkness decays
Blackness surrounding
Pain in extremities
Gasping controlled
Everything means nothing
Life, abated
——
Abated life
Nothing means everything
Controlled gasping
Extremities in pain
Surrounding blackness
Decays, darkness, bubbles fear
Unadressed thoughts, questions
Understand, didn’t I?
Head over bag
Inhale no exhale
Breath Baited
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jan/04/depression-allergic-reaction-inflammation-immune-system
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Cry-Little-Sister2.mp3
by: seasons after
cry little sister cover
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