For the past 10 or 12 years i have known that things in my life weren’t right. How on earth did i allow my sad pathetic life come to this? Alls i know is that i can’t take it anymore, constant thoughts of suicide even if i haven’t guts to do it i still have this strong feeling of wanting to die. I often question my very existance. I do understand what people are trying to do when they write stuff like ” It will get better” stuff like that, but at the same time it never does get any better. Just a few things […]
Tag:
3 Years
I keep getting told “hang in there, things will get better!” – well they’ve been getting steadily worse for 3 years, and that was when I finally managed to overcome bulimia so I wasn’t exactly happy at that point anyway! I’m now very overweight, single, lonely, hiding from the world, i always fall for the guys who dont want me, and generally a burden and pain in the ass to the few people who still want to be my friend and my family, I just don’t want to do this any more, I don’t want this daily struggle any more. I feel like my life […]
It’s these days, where I lay in bed and think about my life and how it has turned into a nightmare over the passed years. All time long everything seemed fine and I had my own perfect little world. In the beginning this world was build up by my best friend whom I met in the elementary school nearly 13 years ago for the first time. Since then we were the greatest friends. We both didn’t have many other friends, it was just the both of us, just like Tom and Huckelbarry. Well every perfect story has it’s downside. The one of this is, […]
I have been depressed before. I know what it’s like. I have even cut before but nothing has ever hurt as bad as I feel now. I cut again for the first time Sunday night. I hadn’t cut for at least 3 years before, my mom found out and got me help last time. I won’t/can’t let her find out again. I want help but I don’t want to disappoint my mom again. I don’t hate my life I just hate what I a having to deal with. I don’t want to die but I am tired of living. I am not someone who deals […]
Hi, my name is Naana, 18 years old
Caution, I may go in different directions at times, most likely due to the fact that I have no idea how to put into format my thoughts correctly. This is my first time ever telling anyone properly, also my first time on here.
I’m stuck between two, whether to live or to choose my death. It all scares me and I question why me? I won’t say I’m not doing this for attention, because deep down I want to know at least someone knew I existed and cared; Knowingly I know I existed for my family, but I can’t […]
I hope everything is alright with you (whoever is reading this), or at least I hope things will improve for you at some point in time, hopefully soon.
I’ll try and keep this relatively short so I don’t take up too much of your time if you choose to read this. Also, I’ll understand if I don’t get any comments on this because I know the stuff posted on this website is usually hard to respond to. That and I usually just write random crap that doesn’t really make sense to anyone. This probably won’t flow very well, and for that I apologise. I find it […]
My parents … (if you must call them that) are absolutely the worse. They’re the reason why I will never trust anyone, they’re the reason why I think everyone is out to get me, they’re the reason why I hate myself. They act as if I don’t exist. They ignore me on a daily basis. They tell everyone that I was a mistake, that i’m their constant reminder of failure. I try to pretend that everything they say is the opposite. But it never really works out. The man I am forced to call my dad, is constantly making me regret living. He’s the reason why […]
I some times come to this site and read the articles on here. Sometimes to get ideas and others because it makes me feel less alone, but no matter how much I read it, I just feel useless. Why am I sad, why can’t I be happy, why can’t I want something, why do I have no motivation, no drive, no love for anything? Why can’t I try to be the person I want to be? Why can’t I end it? I just want it all to end and disappear I wish I was never born then I won’t be a burden on anyone, I […]
It looks like I survived the most powerful suicidal thoughts attack in my life that I had for the last week and a half. I’m not sure if that’s good. I’m just too weak, to do it I had to delete all the pictures of the girl I love from my computer, delete all traces of her so nobody would bother her after I’m gone. I couldn’t do it, I just can’t. I can’t let her go.
I’m back to escaping from everything into my head, fantasy worlds. I don’t really want it anymore because the thought that one day I will wake up and instead […]
They say it gets better, and that it won’t last forever. But  I wonder when it will start for me?
It started 3 years ago. I had heard my parents fighting, and then my dad put a gun to his head and he said no one would care if he pulled the trigger. But his 12 year old daughter was watching from the doorway, and to her it mattered very much. I never told him I saw that, so he can’t understand how much that messed me up. That year was already bad. I was bullied for my weight and I’ve never really gotten over that. […]
I love you, and i would die for you because… please tick
a) You’re the most kindest person ever
b) You’re so inspiring
c) Your beauty is incomparable to anything or anyone
d) Your presence gives me pins and needles in my neck
e) My heart speeds up when i see you
f) My mouth loses the ability to swallow or produce interesting sentences when I’m around you, yet you still put up with me
g) You always seem like you’re looking up at people and you show respect to people even though you’re far more superior than anyone in the whole world
h) Your wacky and weird in a wonderful way
k) […]
I’m young. 14.
FUCK?! A 14 year old wanting to die already?! Damn…
Well… Lets see if you still think that after this; …
I was 3. My dad had walked out on my mum. She had me, and two other kids, Older than me. Both different dads to me. Mum had to work 12 hours a day, So my older brother and sister would go to their own aunties/uncles house while she worked, And I would go to mine. My mum chose the wrong uncle. Alan. Even the name… Ugh! Anyway… I’d be there with my cousin, Jay. Who was my other uncles son, […]
Ok, Let me first tell you, what prompted me to look up this website today, and vent out my frustration . I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the past 3 years.
Having been a remarkable student all my life, something happened 3 years ago, that all of a sudden, you can even say, overnight, turned me into a loser! Its not a specific incident or anything, but I’d even move over to the occult and say I’ve been struck by bad luck. My performance academically started dripping, my concentration levels started dwindling, nothing that I wanted, even with all my sincerity and hard work, I got. […]
I’ve completely ruined my life. Â But I don’t think I ever had one.
Things started spiriling out of control earlier this summer when I quit my job. I’ve been doing contract software development at home for years. It’s a life of sad isolation. I sit in my den and type away for days straight. The job was just going bad, I was losing interest and my boss new it. He pushed me and I snapped. It was sad, because when it started it seemed like there would be so much potential.
Anyway, something happened afterwards that made me realize I didn’t want to be a programmer anymore. […]
On 09-22-10 my girlfriend off and on for 3  years had passed away  now I fequently cry my self  to sleep wondering why her. Why not me but everyone tels me god ha a different plan for her. I guess I can’t change how much I miss her and love her
.does anyone know how to get rid of some of these fellings so maybe I’ll stop blaming myself  and find some closure
Not many people know what it’s like to lose their hair.
As you age, you lose hair. When you get a haircut, you lose hair. I’m talking about a different kind.
It depresses me every time I move my head, wake up, shower… there are clumps of hair… everywhere. Falling out. My hair is dying to help keep me living. My hair could be dying, while I too, began to die.
If you put it into actuality, I’ve been dying for almost 3 years now, only now has it began to really come through.
I am dying, and I have accepted my fate. I have not accepted the fate […]
Well.. time to write something… One more fucked up story isn’t gonna make a difference here, so..
You know when you’re young, you’re always told to obey the rules, respect your elders, do some good, expect nothing in return, be faithful, be honest, get a degree, don’t lie, work hard, respect your gf, satisfy her every need, marry her,buy a house, have kids.. and that’s what you call a happy and full life. If you live according to this, people will call you a happy man (i can’t speak for the women, sorry).
In such a state of mind i got to know her in high school. […]
So… My main problem in life isn’t that of feeling left out, not that I don’t fit in although both of those are very much good reasons to be depressed. Anyways, my problem lies in my relationship, not with it but about it. I have kept a sort of diary or blog type thin on my phone over the nearly 3 years and as you read them from start to finish you see it go from sweet and cute to doom and gloom. Now I am a 16 Year Old male and I am extremely unhappy in which I sometimes result into self – harming. […]
When I think About You
When I think about you
I wonder if you feel whispers biting at your ear
Attempting to notify your heart
Do you hear
That you are the pinnacle of a little boy’s thoughts?
I fear
Every time my memory drops an ice cube down my back
Kissing each vertebrae cold
That you are thinking about me in a shade too close to black
Because in my thoughts exhausted by you
I only concoct colors of yellow and blue
I wonder if your mind paints pictures of me
The same ones I draw of our fingers wrapping warmly
Do you […]
My brother went to prison for selling herion, he used it himself too. He was so messed up. For two fucking years. I was 9 when he started using, I didnt know what was going on. But when I was 11 he went to prison, my mom sat me down and told me what was going on. I cryed legitamently for 2 weeks. I skipped school for 2 weeks. I was so scared and I just didnt know what to do. It deffinitly made me change, it made my whole family change. My parents have to raise one of his kids and his wifes parents […]