I love philosophy but questioning the things that we base our lives on scares me whilst exciting me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no friends to hang out with, outside of school. I lost the few I had. I spend my days on the computer looking for things to put my mind to. I eagerly search for films and music that somehow relates to my endless negative feelings in order to find some connection with another person, even though I have never met them and they are oblivious of my existence. I saw my psychologist for the first time a week […]
Tag:
alone
Life sucks. Why do bad things always happen to good people? I am a good person. I have ALWAYS had it hard. My mom was a psycho who abused me and the courts did nothing until I was 15 and by then what was the point? I had my first daughter when I was 17 and got married early and had a family by the time I was old enough to drive. I’ve always struggled but managed to somehow scrape by.
Things have always been rough but I’ve hung in there and just clung on to some kind of hope. I’ve busted my butt and been […]
A mundane, boring, dull, and hellish real world where it’s NOT supposed to be…
by niki
written by niki
Let’s face it: the real-world, especially one invented by normal mainstream society, can be boring dull as hell.
I often feel like I don’t belong here in this real world, and probably belong to other planet/universe/dimension.. already I’ve tried to find & browse for some clues that there are so much more mysteries & even magical things outside of our dull, limited earthly-sensed physical body called human.
and maybe I’ll migrate there, perhaps even sooner.
Although I still love the Earth (as a planet),
and admittedly even some Good citizens of it, ie: the warm, light-hearted, the intellectual, the ‘philosopher’ kind who can exchange conversations […]
I am so lonely. So hated. So stupid. I should just kill myself now. Nobody would notice, nobody would care.
-End
I use to be afraid of the dark; not anymore. Now I want to be in the dark all the time, where nobody talks to me and nobody sees me. When I enter a room I search for the darkest corner possible, and stand in it. To get away from the crowd and to remian unseen. Nobody even notices im in the same room as them anyways. I just wish I could be as invisible as I feel. The darkness; its where I get peace, quiet, and best of all, its where I can be alone.
-End
I feel like a fail at everything. Like I’m never good enough. I try and try, but it just never works out for me. I just can’t take living anymore. I have no future. So it’s not worth living anymore. I feel so alone. I’ve cried so much I have no more tears left in me to cry.
Im dying. Dying from lonliness. Dying from the pain that everyone has brought to me. Dying from knowing that N0B0DY wants me. Dying because I know that I will probably have zero friends my whole life. Dying from everything ive been through. Dying on the inside. Wont anybody save me?
-End
Night, my favorite time of the day. I hate going outside during the day. Walking around seeing all of the happy couples walking together, holding hands, talking, and knowing that I will never be in that position. I will never be with someone. At night, I look up in the sky. View the stars, the moon and everything and think about why I am always the one who is left by myself. Why I am the one who nobody even thinks about for one second. Why I am the one who hates my life while everyone else is out enjoying theirs. Then I lay down, […]
I cant last much longer. theres nothing left. my heart isnt broken, it is completely destroyed. i feel nothing but pain, emotional pain. the physical pain, which mostly comes to me because i subject myself to it, i have come to enjoy. nobody cares about me. when will my life end? not soon enough. my life is like a nightmare which i never awake from. i look around. i see everybody laughing. happy, enjoying themselves. i envy their happiness. everyone is in a big group talking. i am the one on the outside. exiled. isolated. i have no friends. people i know, they consider me as their […]
just something ive been thinking about. i want to love and be loved back. i want to have friends. i want to get married. i want a girlfriend. i want to not be lonely anymore. i know i will never have any of these things. so i made a new list. i want to finally get the courage to cut my wrists, the real way. i want to be alone forever. i want to walk aimlessly around in the pouring rain by myself as long as possible. i want to cry every day, whether its crying myself to sleep and waking up with tears still in […]
Anyone who said that today, after what’s been happening lately in the world, needs to be shot in his/her head.
This is exactly why there’s so many society problems nowadays, and so many stressed, depressed and even suicidal people on the left and right everywhere.
This is also why society nowadays is so in a mess, education fails, but wars thrive on.
Fuck it.
Deep down inside we should know that we’ve been brainwashed a lot and a NEW theory needs to be rewritten if humanity wants to survive for BETTER future.
Deep down inside each and every one of us I’m sure know that human’s […]
Part 2 of the 16 series
so far very interesting & mind-opening…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cMcoikRddw
For me memories are like ghosts that haunt the perimeters of my conscious mind, often making me feel ill at ease when I don’t even know why. The more upsetting memories are like demons that torment me from the depths of my unconscious mind, bringing up flashes of painful experiences when I’m least prepared for it and my defences are down. Both want to fill me with self doubt and self hatred and sap every ounce of confidence I once might have had, to leave me an utterly shattered and blithering wreck in the shambles that my life has become. And yet the more I […]
Thin lines on her arm
Hidden by her clothes
Cutting deeper and deeper
Because no one knows
Â
She’s just a girl
Not strong enough to stop
A strange addiction
Watching blood drop
Â
She loves the scars
She needs the pain
It frees her sad
It keeps her sane
Â
It’s never enough
To ruin her flesh
She moves up her arm
She inches towards death
I need to vent. I need to let it all out before it continues nibbling on my insides and destroys me. Last time I spilled my insides to anyone was so long ago. I’ll guess I’ll start from the very, very start. It all started at a very young age. I had a babysitter because my parents were always too busy for me. She was this loud, eccentric middle-aged woman. She was pretty nice. But, as the time progressed I learned that in her house I had no freedom. I wasn’t able to express myself without feeling judged or without being yelled at. She made […]
I tried, I tried to socialise.
You see, it’s my moms birthday party, and she has around ten close friends over. All laughing and joking. But obviously being me, the akward angella. I’ve got to sit in the corner and panic at every look.
How did I get this way? I used to be the glue to every occasion, I would dive right into the deep end, and frollic like a little child. Now, I’m afraid to even dip my toe in the water.
I can here them, laughing their asses off downstairs. And, it breaks my heart. I wish that I could be like them, I really […]
Lately I’ve felt so alone.Yet I’ve got this great boyfriend and some friends I guess. I mean Does this sound selfish, honestly? I feel like I have no friends, I sit in class half the time by myself in a few feeling like ‘wtf i use to be the loudest one in here now i’m alone?’ and i serious can say i have no close friends anymore i use to i guess hang out with quite a few people but all i do is sometimes hang with my boyfriend. i feel not close to anyone like i cant tell anyone how i feel except the […]
I hate life so fucking much. I hate everything. I want to die so much, I want to hurt, I want the shit beaten out of me, I want to have reasons for wanting to kill myself but I have none, and I have like, two friends left after The Betrayal.
But i cant do it.
I cant kill myself, Im afraid, not of death itself, but leaving oppurtunities.
I want first love, first kiss, first time, I want to see my little cousins grow up with me there.
But I hate life.
I have a house, food, clothes, family, all that you basically need.
Ive been depressed for a while, Im 14 years old and done with all the ‘all teenagers go through this phase’ bullshit. Ive gone psychologist to psychologist, from hospital to hospital, and happy pills. Im not depressed for any good reasons. I have a house. I have food. I have clothes. Im for the most part healthy. But i cry over the stupidest things, like how i look.
I was thinking about the fight with my ex-friends that caused me to drop out of school (im considering homeschool or just running away, even ‘therapeutic boarding school’ if we can afford it). I start crying everytime i […]
I feel utterly alone in this world of misery. I just want to say that it would be nice if someone here could support me and talk to me?
I know i sound pathetic,
but hey its worth trying!
I see hope for my future, but its really lonely with no one supporting my depression. not my parents, not my twin, and ill say it, i have no friends.
14 years old trapped in miserable california.
just a girl trying to be different, but in trying to be different i need support. and no, this is not an invite to creepers. just people who understand […]