I’m currently a sophomore in high school. I have a few great friends. But ever since high school started, I’ve gotten extremely tired. I’ve always possessed a hatred for school. Not that I hate learning or anything of that nature, I love learning. Right now I’m participating in a rigorous educational program (IB Programme) at the top of my class. I perform exceptionally well on exams and assessments, usually with little studying or review, if any at all. I turn most of my assignments in on time, but the workload is immense. It does stress me out, just like it does all of my peers, but it doesn’t help […]
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always
Today, for some reason, I could not stop thinking of her. I thought about her throughout the day as always, but when I got home, I napped and dreamed about her. After my nap the thought only got stronger. All I know is, I am never going to have her again the way we used to be… I’ll never forget when she told me, “…things aren’t going to be the way they used to be…” As much as I knew that was true, I didn’t want it to be. I wanted things to be the way they used to be but I ruined it. I […]
My life is defined by fear. It is always there, at the back of my mind. It’s hard to live with. A part of you always telling you that something is terribly wrong, and you need to drop everything, this instant, to resolve the threat.
What am I so afraid of? There’s all the normal stuff, of course. Death, aging, disease, violence. But beyond that, I’m afraid that I can never experience a meaningful relationship, or really connect with anyone. That my life will always be this empty lie, trying to hide how worthless I am from those around me. Never facing the world honestly, or […]
14 year old girl. Anxiety makes up my life. Can’t do anything, can’t see anyone, can’t be anyone. I get sick to my stomach with anxiety every morning before school. Someone help with these attacks. They are killing me.
I just feel so shit all the time, everything I do always turns out wrong. My anxiety stops me from doing everything and I hate the fact I can’t do anything about it. I’m so scared to even speak to someone. I feel so useless now, no point doing anything if it never turns out right. I just generally just can’t do this, not fitting in anywhere. […]
Hi I’m a 14 year old girl who suffers with anxiety, however I have yet to be diagnosed. I diagnosed myself because it’s really not that hard to know you have it when all you do is worry or have panic attacks. I would love to speak to my doctor but my mum just doesn’t understand anything about anxiety or depression so that’s why I keep it all in. The one thing that gets me worried is arguments with friends, I start to get paranoid that the other friends I have don’t like me either so I push them away until I have no one to […]
My life is going as best as it ever have….and yet i want to die even more now. I don’t understand. Why am i always thinking of ways to end it? Why am i always hoping simeone else could carry this pain in their heart? I feel so hurt…but numb to any more hurt. The most painful things are my memories, that play over and over in my head. I think that…?????
I just think that if God were real and loved me he would help me. Help me feel normal..help me control the thought but sadly he doesn’t. Nobody loves me ?
Nobody cares
Do you guys also drive sometimes to be alone, and think. I found myself doing it alot in the last year sometimes I drove 2 hours, sometimes more sometimes less. It was quite expensive, but I had enough money to pay for it, so there wasnt a good reason for me to stop it. I always listen to music and my windows are always rolled down. I was just wonderin if a lot of people around here are doing it?
It was a beautiful midwestern night, the stars shining in the sky like they only do in the country. The weather outside is unpredictable, as it always is here. A night that almost shakes with opportunity. A poor boy shares the time with his best friend. This night she is working, but he’s there talking to her anyways. They chat as easily as they always have, but something’s different tonight.
I’m not sure she notices that so much has changed, the way I look at her, the way my heart’s beating of my chest just being near her. All the small things, oh Christ. Just […]
I’ve come here as a man in shambles
Worn out from begging on my knees
Please, I’m just trying to keep my family together
Now, when you saw your lover wore a ring around her finger
Why didn’t you stop
I have half a mind to make you hurt
To make you bleed, to make you suffer
I swear if you’ve touched her
Oh, heaven forgive what I would do to you
You monster
Think about your children
They’ll never believe what you’ve done
Listen, I am begging you, back off
Let me rebuild the things you’ve shattered
She meant it
I swear that she […]
It’s like a horrible nightmare I can never seem to wake up from. It haunts me, and just when I think its gone, it comes creeping back. I run, and run, but it always catches me. No distance or time is long enough. It’s become a part of me. A cluster fuck of emotions I can’t even being to sort through. It’s almost cruel the way my mind works. It keeps me up at all hours and taunts me till I’m banging my head against the walls, or better yet, till I have that scissors, knife, or razor blade pressed sharply against my skin. I […]
Hello lovelies. Sorry about not posting lately… things have been a tad bit crazy. Got rushed to the ER last night, and seven hours later, the doctors still don’t know what’s wring with me heh. But I guess my internal bleeding wasn’t extraordinarily alarming, because I was able to go home. I’m hoping it isn’t anything too horrible… and now I’m sitting in my room, not only bleeding internally, but externally. Somehow, this damn razor jumped in my hand and my thigh got in the way…It seems once a cutter, always a cutter. I thought I was getting better; better in the physical sense. The […]
I feel so tired. I have been suicidal ever since I can remember. However, in recent years I have been distracting myself from these thoughts by trying to convince myself that life is better than the alternative. I would always tell myself “I’m going to try living to the fullest today. I can always die tomorrow.” There are days when this works and there are days when it doesn’t. I feel tired because I have to continuously keep convincing myself that life is worth living. Its been almost two years since I started living this way and I’m still not fully convinced of it.
I’m not crazy, their there, always there. They linger in the back of my mind and demand to be heard. Oh the pain, the sweet agonizing pain. Have I created monsters inside me in hopes of never being alone?
Just when I think that I got everything under control, life never ceases to throw a curveball my way. Moral of the story LIFE SUCKS always has, always will. What is hope nowadays? I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom for the thousandth time in two days. What to do, what to do?
All I ever wanted was to die. Those sleepless night I cried. As I watched my blood run down my wrist. He was the only one who made me happy. I pushed him away because of the pain. Now I’m watching form afar. Another girl in his arms. He smiles as he looks at her and I’m wishing it was me. My heart shattered. I’m all alone. I cut to stop the pain. I do it because I don’t want to feel. He always had my heart. I tried to love another but all I could do was think of him. My lover. The man […]
I have this friend, for privacy reasons I’ll call her Jane.
Jane victimizes herself. If you don’t know what that mean, it basically means that in any situation she is always the victim. She’s the one who’s been wronged and she’s never wrong. Of course, that isn’t true, we’ve ALL been wrong at one point or another, but she just won’t admit it.
So at the moment we’re in a huge fight, and I really want to remain being friends with her, but she’s driving me insane. I have explained so many times why I’m mad, and she just doesn’t ‘get it’. She keeps telling me I’m […]
Glancing through my title-less “drafts”, I see so many times I started to express feelings that I never expelled. Once I had everything jotted down, I felt a sense of relief. Today, I will break that pattern.
Today, specifically, is one of those days that I can’t get out of bed. I tried to go back to sleep several times, but to no avail. It is likely that I’ll stay here all day.
So to understand somewhat of what I’m about to explain, I’ll have to go back to the past a bit.
As a child I was always shy and quiet, but bubbly and full of […]
English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEgmxilFyaI
Japanese: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLksB9YUIw
In order to just breathe, I keep meaningful songs in my arsenal until another day comes along. This is one of them, a powerful melody.
“As time is passing on and all my limbs are slowly growing along
The things to love’s a multiplying song
And its growth, is racing at a stupid rate, my only option is hate
So I just have to throw them out with no doubt
And so that I am able to provide you with love
The greedy person that hides inside me
Would soon see, that he would have to stop adoring everything that he is;
The clumsiness was a creation […]
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]