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I’m new and this is my story

by lonely_girl

I am 18 years old and struggling with depression and anxiety. I have really low self esteem and am really antisocial. I also get a panic attack almost every night overthinking about anything and a lot of “what ifs”. The news on tv also really frighten me. I don’t have any friends, only a boyfriend who tries to help me but he doesn’t understand me. My mother thinks that what I’m going through is “normal” but she doesn’t understand how I feel. My little sister and I are also arguing, and apparently my parents think that she’s right. I still haven’t graduated from high school because I’m a complete failure. I don’t know how to drive, nothing I do comes out right either. I’m the black sheep of my family, they are always saying why I am the way I am, why I don’t work when it’s obvious that I can’t and that I’m a failure! They took me to a psychologist but it didn’t seem to work. Today I had an embarrassing moment and even though it seemed small, to me it seemed like my world ended. People made fun of me, so I just locked myself in the bathroom until I stopped crying. Then I came out as if nothing happened but I don’t want to go to school anymore.

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shadow@dusk 10/19/2015 - 9:55 pm

Salutations,
You can call me shadow.
I’m basically some dudes dark alter ego. Nothing special or anything.
I just wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone.
I’ve had to rely on other methods to feel for a long time , but I know its true.

anthropophobia 10/19/2015 - 10:39 pm

Hey,
Sounds like you’re a senior in high school? Things are really complicated at 18, that’s when my anxiety hit me hard. Just look at it this way, you have just a couple more semesters left, and if you can get through that you have options. Once you’re graduated from high school, you open up the world to you. You can get a job, live in your own apartment, and a live a life of privacy and autonomy. You will find when you acquire those things life is worth living. It’s a hard thing to maintain, but you will find it full of rewards and relaxation.

As far as your situation goes, i don’t know what you’re dealing with, whether it’s “normal” or not, it’s not fair for your mom to play down your raw real feelings right now. Perhaps it may help explaining your feelings, and taking a moment to communicate how it makes you feel when she minimizes your struggle.

Lastly, in my life around 18, i had severe anxiety. It was a social anxiety, but i had a tendency to put too much pressure on myself. I would call it a performance anxiety, it applied to everything j was involved in, social and physical activities. Took me years to get over, but it improved drastically when i got my own place.

That’s my 2 cents.

freeroma 10/20/2015 - 12:51 am

Hey!
I’m twenty, and I can’t drive yet either. Not the worst thing, believe me. Also don’t have a job yet. Not the worst thing. I didn’t graduate highschool til I turned nineteen. A lot of school stuff is memorization of things that don’t really mean anything to you, so it’s not the worst thing (I like this phrase) to not graduate on time. I screw up at things constantly, and you know what? It’s not the worst thing!
Ok, being more serious… I don’t have (a lot of) anxiety, and I know how that can magnify your problems, and amplify negative feelings. There are treatments that can help. This stuff takes time, but your anxiety can improve, so can your other issues.. You saw one psychologist one time, that’s not going to cause a radical change, and maybe that one couldn’t help anyway, but good news is there’s a lot of them out there, plus other methods, medications… The news isn’t all the news there is, there’s good stories out there too.. But really for the sake of your sanity you shouldn’t watch it.
You’re not a failure. You’re struggling. Everyone does that at some point in their lives, some more than others. But you know what? (say it with me) It’s Not The Worst Thing.
I am sorry you feel this way, though. It sounds like less fun than eating a Carolina Reaper..
Oh, and welcome.

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