i cant speak. everytime someone trys to get me to talk about my feelings i choke on my words. I’ve always kept my emotions in i guess i got used to not talking about them. someties its just random things like about my day or whatever its hard. i start to breath heavily and i get scared then wont say anything. my best friend ariana gets mad when i do that but i cant help it!
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always
Last week, Darvin wrote a list of 100 “reasons” as we should stay alive. I commented but didn’t go into depth. I read each one. My replies are in all caps.
HERE WAS DARVINS POST. THIS IS MY TAKE. my responses will be in all caps in order to tell between his and mine. Not yelling.
“1. We would miss you – YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you – THE DEAD HAVE NO REGRETS. I WONT FAIL WHEN THE […]
All I ever want is to go back to feeling normal. But I haven’t felt normal since I was 5. My dad killed himself when I was 6, and my mum remarried. When I was 8, my stepdad began to sexually abuse me, all the way through to the age of 17. I self harmed and was seriously depressed throughout this whole ordeal. The abuse happened almost every day, in every room of the house. I’m 19 now and he is in prison, but I can’t get away from the mental, physical and emotional scars and trauma that I’m left with. I want to feel […]
A vicious circle my life will always be.
I’ve always coped in the only way I know, it hurts me and creates even more darkness.
The small glimmer of hope came and passed; false and pretend, that’s all it ever was.
A vicious circle my life will always be.
In a week’s time, I will be nothing once again.
There is no future for someone with such deep struggles.
I held on for no reason; I will never get better.
I know.
I am a 23 year old guy and I have been diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune condition called lupus. What this means is that my immune system finally caught up with my brain and started hating itself as much as I did before I even knew what the word “lupus” meant. My body is destroying itself and if I choose to keep living, I will live every day for the rest of my life in pain with the looming threat of facing severe organ damage or becoming permanently bedridden. Having lupus means that something as innocent as spending 2 minutes in the sun could cause my immune system to […]
Apparently, people care about me, apparently I should be happy, apparently, I have lots of friends now.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…
Since I finished school last year, only one of my ‘friends’ is thoughtful enough to talk to me just because… and no one else actually cares, I never get invited to anything, I’m always the last to know anything, that is, if I find out to begin with, even among people like me, I’m not particularly welcome, but when they need me for something, I’m a dick if I say no, and when I need them, they always bail or half-ass it, because I’m simply not worth it.
I’m just […]
Why movies are better than reality ? Why movie is better than reality ? Why reality is boring ?
by niki
written by niki
Why movies are better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why movie is better than reality / real life / real world ?
Why reality is boring ?
What puzzles me the most is human’s mind / human’s brains and imagination better than reality ( human’s fantasy is better than reality )
for example:
just look at the movies, novels, comics, games, books, , animations (anime / manga), science fiction (sci-fi), fantasy , like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, X-Men, Marvels & DC universe / movies , The Avengers , Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Swords Art Online, Naruto, Bleach, […]
I’m amazed at how people always refer to chronic physical pain as a legitimate reason for suicide but mental illness is considered an illegitimate reason to commit suicide. Do people have NO FUCKING IDEA of how hellish mental illness can be? No apparently they don’t. Such is the stigma. Mentally ill people are considered scary and burdensome and they are required to suffer for the sake of suffering. Why? Because it’s invisible I guess. “Normal” mentally healthy people must think that we’re faking it or maybe that everyone experiences the same amount of mental torment but that mentally ill people are just drama queens or […]
i stopped smoking weed cause everyone told me that was the reason I was depressed. But now, I feel overwhelmed with anxiety all the time and I have such horrible violent nightmares all the time. My bf always plays really loud violent games all the time, and I wish I could shoot my head off.
I made plenty of friends but none, absolutely nobody cared to be anything more than a casual friend. I was always wondering how others could form bonds, they saw me as nothing but a clown that kept them entertained. My girlfriends never loved me. Only a few childhood friends invited me to places, into their lives as companions, It’s a strong motivation for dying. How can I fail at getting close to people when humans are supposed to be social animals? It’s weird. I am too obscure to live, I was cast away by my fellows. They are done with me.
I’ve always wondered could a baby see your pain….
Hey everyone, I don’t wanna waste your time with this one so I’ll be quick. I want to die, and personally feel that all those people trying to prevent suicide are inhumane. They say it’s never the answer, that your family will miss you, there’s so much to live for. Well, I won’t miss my family, they are the ones who’ve made my life a living hell with overbearing expectations, as well as giving birth to a child who never asked to be born with the body, and mind they have. I probably sound ungrateful.. and I don’t disagree with that, but the bad things […]
I found myself here while googling suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.
I’m almost 40 years old. I have always thought of suicide but never brave enough to do it. Some people really don’t belong here on earth and I know I am one of them. As I get older I realise it will happen, just don’t know when. I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live anymore.
It is winter here and I’m hearing on the news about accidental carbon monoxide deaths, like bringing in a charcoal bbq to keep warm.
I thinkk this is my preferred method. Has anyone had a failed attempt?
Ah crap. […]
I wanted to kill myself from puberty onwards. I am now in my 40s. I tried to kill myself 4 times before the age of 20. My life has always been sh*t and I wish my first suicide attempt had succeeded. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem”? I don’t think so. If you have poor mental health it is unlikely to ever get that much better. It will always be there. Plus where I live the government has reduced mental health services due to austerity, as well as benefits for people with mh problems. So I can just survive on the money I get, not live. No relationship, holidays, […]
Just as 1+1 will always = 2
Death will be the result of you
Suicide, natural causes, it all leads to black
No god after life, a cosmic kick in the nutsack
I still haven’t moved on from that fight between me and a bunch of fake friends.
The pain in my head just makes everything worse.
Half-heartedly, I tried my best to look strong. But to no success.
Under the rain, I would be weeping as I kept thinking about it.
Rather than having a fun young life, I refused to do so. I am always at home.
The atmosphere between me and those backstabbers will be awkward on school days.
Sadly, I can’t avoid it as we are in the same class.
Now what do I feel? Put all the initials of every paragraph together.
IT HURTS
Let me start off by saying I’m not new on this forum and that I have been suffering for a while now and I can’t take it anymore. I’m almost 17 years old and I have been fighting severe depression for several years now. This will be my last year of being in high school and I don’t even know if i’m going to graduate on stage with my class. I’m to stupid to even pass some of my classes as my anxiety and depression kicks in and I can’t focus or concentrate in any of my classes. There is this one test that my […]
How does one *fix* the affects of abuse? You can’t fix that what is. You just learn to cope. No matter how hard one tries, the memories are still remain; forever haunting, forever there.
I have been told to dwell not on that what was but rather focus on what can be. I have always maintained that focusing (and influencing) one’s future is largely based on one’s past, as it is one’s past that makes up one’s present. It is one’s present that gives one strength and abilities to influence one’s future. We are after all the sum of all of our experiences.
One’s past = […]
You never let me do anything. You “said” you always wanted me to “grow as a person” but whenever I didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you hit me. You starved me for days without food, and called me names nobody should ever be called. You measured love by success and trophies, and made sure to cover up all my bruises before a competition. You stole my glory from me. My victories were never MY victories, whenever you talked to admiring parents, they became YOUR victories that I had gained because of you. While enduring this, the flute became my only friend. Well you know […]
I guess I am writing this for everyone else out there who understands what I’ve gone through. To know you aren’t alone nor are you ever alone no matter how much you may feel that way its not true. I have been battling depression and suicidal tendencies since I was 8 years old. From age 9 to 17 I was raped and molested by my friends father. He is in jail now, but it really messed me up. I started cutting starving binging and purging because i needed to control something again because of how much I had lost. I didn’t know what else to […]