I lye in bed and stare up at the ceiling as the weight of every mistake I’ve ever made comes to rest on my chest. Right now, I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m drowning. I miss people that I should just forget. I forget the people that I should have clung to. My heart breaks as I think about all of the things I’ve let go of simply because I thought I could do better. Now I’m here in the grave that I’ve slowly managed to dig for myself because I traded people off until I had No one. I gave things away until […]
Tag:
always
Because with a word she could ruin me. Her influence is stronger than anything the pharmacy magician can conjure. You ask her a question and you hope her tongue will be like silk and not slit your throat. You feel her everywhere, she is your savior and can be your death. You read her lips, her smile, her stance they are all telling you to go away. You are distorted and hope that you can hide somewhere in her mind – you will always be looking in. You kid yourself that if she gives you any response at all that Jesus is real and love […]
All my friends are gone what do I do now? They ignore me think that I’m always just bitching I went to the mental hospital twice do I have to go again? My dad gets pissed at me.. If I do
basically my life is hopeless no matter any situation, I’m always the one in the back corner by myself. I don’t want to live, I’ve been on and off suicidal for 2 years now, not one person in my family knows I am suicidal, and that I tied a noose and put it around my neck ready to jump one night. No one knows. Even in this moment I type, I want to stab myself in the throat every waking moment.
I just wanted to tell someone finally. Get it out after so long.
Every single time I push myself towards doing it thats all I can think of…and my teacher wonders why he has to chastise me for taking so long to get started on it…
But this is what I chose…out of all the things I could be, I chose what I liked best, and its enough to drive me to the point of suicide…
I either need to start working or bite the bullet already…but oh no, those aren’t the two only choices obviously…there are never two choices; I could try and join the military again, if they’d take some suicidal person like me who has scars on […]
“Sweet soul, you have done more than you give yourself credit for, you are far more beautiful than you make out, you have made your way past moments that could have destroyed you and your future shines brighter than you realize. Celebrate yourself in this moment. The world is fortunate to have you.” ~ S.C. Lourie
Have hope and don’t be so hard on yourselves. You are always better, more important, and more alive than you feel in the darkest moments. there is light and there is a tomorrow.
I always play out something in my head like for example, if I imagine myself going to my room to put curtains up I imagine seeing a face in the window… But I never see them just imagine them and it’s always the same monster just different at times.. It’s always a white face or mask with black hole for eyes or just souless pitch black eyes or something on the stair case… Someone touching my feet when I’m a sleep or when laying in bed i imagine seeing a shadow crawling around on the floor.. I get sculed at for leaving the lights on […]
I have no more doubts about my suicide anymore. I know that it’s necessary for me to leave this world to find peace, to end this misery. I’m filling up my time to avoid suspicion or hospitalization at the moment, so I’m just working on becoming fluent in German haha.
Oh, and an update. No matter what I do, it’s not fucking good enough and everyone still hates me. So really, nothing new. I still hate myself. Nothing good enough to live for. I’m always just going to be a failure, a shadow in the dark, good for nothing hopeless freak.
I know I want to leave this life and all, but I’m scared of what will happen after I die..
In the family I grew up in and what I’ve been taught and so on, is that if there is indeed a god, he would send you to hell for taking your own life. In different religions it’s different outcomes, but what if I do take my life and I do get sent to hell..i’d be forced to keep reliving my life. The life i’m trying to get away from.
I always thought if there was a god, and if you did take your life, he would […]
I wonder what the journey to death is like.
I don’t necessarily believe in an afterlife, although I like the idea of one.
Will there be a long, dark tunnel to gates of white?
Or a long, dark tunnel to blackness?
Paradise or Nothingness?
My money is on there being nothing in death. But that’s okay with me, if there is no conscious thought after life ends, then I have no ability to be unhappy.
I am trying to escape the influence of those who have hurt me, but it’s like that nightmare where you’re running away from someone and every time you glance back they’re still nipping at your heels, […]
Today during lunch I ran into my mentor Mrs. S, (if you read my last post then you would know that I’m kind of hesitant to see her.) Anyways I ran up to her and hugged her tight, she wanted to see my progress report, and she saw I was failing Algebra 2, so she grabbed my hand and took me to math tutorials, an pushed me in the room, my feet were sliding across the floor. Lol. Everyone was looking at me, i tried leaving but the teachers blocked the door. After 10 minutes of arguing I sat down and Mrs. S sat there […]
I never had a sweet 16 birthday, a great 21st birthday, I never got to go prom dress shopping and I wasn’t asked by any guys to go to prom, I never had a bridal shower, or went wedding dress shopping, I didn’t get a romantic proposal or a housewarming party, I don’t get a honeymoon or even a ceremony in a church. I had to wait 8 years with a guy who has abused me in all aspects possible the entire time. I’ve always been in abusive relationships. So after 8 years I finally settled on just going to a courthouse and getting married […]
alone and seen by nobody
she walks silently on the road
with only pain to keep her company.
she gives,
and they take,
as always.
noise comes to assault her
and she trembles,
but she is only here
to be brutalized
no one cares
for her brain.
she grows up to plod along
the sides of roads
every cruel mistake
torturing her mind.
everything set up
to make her blame
and hate
only herself,
the child is not allowed
to be angry
at the man.
she looks for love desperately
but in this world
finds nothing
but more pain.
judgment, rejection
no one can see the pain
behind the rage.
no one.
they leave her
and tell her it is because
she is not good enough
for them.
guilt a-plenty consumes her
but no one sees her
no one at all
and soon […]
I tired of life of my family and I have no one they are never there for me and I’m sick of it I’m always confused and scared to die because of hell… But whats a quick way to die but nothing like stab myself in the gut just quick and easy
As I write this it is 23:47. 13 minutes until midnight.
The clock begins again in 13 minutes.
Life begins anew in 13 minutes.
It is 23:47 where he is.
It is 23:47 where she is.
It is 23:47 where they all are.
The last connection we have is time.
Time will always bind us together, until one of us slips outside of it’s domain.
In 13 minutes the day in which I die could begin.
In 13 minutes the day in which I live could begin.
I wonder what they will spend the next 13 minutes doing.
Are they dreaming? Or are they awake?
Are they dreaming of me?
In 13 minutes these thoughts will be the […]
Will it ever end? Will it ever stop? I have so many questions and no answers for any of them. I have no idea what anyone else reality is but i can tell you for sure that mine is shit. I have absolutely nothing to stand on, no foundation or stable ground that I can always rely upon for safety or otherwise. Does anyone know what i am talking about?
I seem to chase away everyone that I love because I am so tired of hurting them all of the time. Every emotion that I have comes across as angry, even when I am hurt […]
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life
by niki
written by niki
I’m a loser , I am a loser in this cruel boring LIMITED real world , reality , real life .. !
I am a 33 years old Asian guy, who used to have so many beautiful hope & dreams ,
and many people have told me that I’m a smart, multi talent , very creative, & wise person
but now the more I see this cursed world, people, humans beings, and this reality, the more I lose hope in humanity , losing hope in human beings, and also lose hope in myself & my future
you see ,.. Reality / real world / real […]
I know alot of people on here lack love in thier lives. For whatever reason, the amount of love a human needs to be healthy hasnt been provided, or isn’t being felt. So you come here to scream into your pillow, or get bad advice.
Just a warning:
People don’t always give you the help you need.
People are selfish.
People give you the help they feel like giving you.
Take what they give you, smile, and know that’s all your getting.
Peace and love ya’ll.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2BCI4twcXg
I am the ugly duckling. I seem to always be the odd one out. My mother never seems to approve of the friends I do make and what ever choices I do make are “Stupid” and not “Rational” because I am a teenager. I think that it is okay to make the decisions that I learn lessons from. I am safe and I don’t make the decisions that are unsafe. (most of the time) I seem to be a “good girl” because I don’t do drugs or drink or what ever people define as a “teen at risk”. I don’t judge people I try to […]
THIS IS A LONG READ, I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DONT GET THROUGH IT. BUT YOU WILL NOT REGRET READING IT IF YOU DO.
Hey. So like I guess I wanna past this as a suicide survivor. And say that life. Life has always been shit. And who am I to tell anyone to, or not to do anything, like, I myself have done almost everything that you could think of that someone who was not within it would not understand, drugs, self harm, I’m diegnosed Ana, smoking, drinking, and you know what every day of my life I still tell others not to do any of […]