I despise what I am. I have broken laws just to feel pleasure. I have cut just to feel pain. I am numb, I wasn’t always like this but like many events it came with a revelation. I have no friends. They are not there for me even though I’m there for them. I can’t cry I’ve tried many times to make myself, though I just can’t. All people see is my smile. They don’t see me for what I truly am. Numb
Tag:
am
I just want my depression and the voices to end, I had the best job and the best wife and lost it all. I have lost my life, my confidence and all my friends. Am currently studying again and doing really well, but hearing voices to commit suicide and having depression big time sucks as if I can’t pull myself out of a grave. And yes I do take meds.
I have gone through suicide in my head thousands of times and know of the painless method I will actually carry this out. Just need to save some money. It’s pain vs pleasure for me and […]
It has been hard to go to work the last couple weeks. I love my job and am good at it….it is just in the psychiatric hospital and I wonder sometimes if I should be the one in the padded room instead. Oh my life is so contradictory.
since we are not allowed to discuss methods can anyone tell me of a website or something were we can? i dont want to complain about the hell i am stuck in anymore, i need to figure out how i can end this soon since i will probably ruin things somehow for someone the longer i live. i cant do anything right thats been that way since for ever and thats how its going to stay ive come to accept it. what i cant accept is more years of pain 32 is enough. is there groups for people to meet up and help each other […]
I will never feel his touch
I miss him so much
His absence I feel
His love I appeal
The love I gave
I take to the grave
My heart doth break
By the love you take
If you only knew
The love you drew
I gave a plenty
But now am empty
You have my heart
For as long we part
Never one like you
Impossible to renew
You cannot tell
I’m an empty shell
LOVE YOU ALWAYS
Hello guys am 20 years old am here cause I don’t have anyone else to talk to been with my girlfriend for 4 years i I can honestly say she was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and we been broke up the last week it was the most hardest thing that I ever experienced I drunk ever day since it happened just so I can sleep at night plus I’ve only eating twice since it I actually don’t want a life without her yous might just think am goin thought a breakup am not I’ve experienced them before but nothing like this […]
I just dont understand, its not that i dont want to, or dont have the will, but, i just want to stay and its so hard… I’m sorry of this is how you guys feel, i really am. I can’t help myself, i can’t save you, i just, well, i cant do anything. I can’t imagine going on like this, not without Makaila, she was my best friend, she was my anchor, she was my everything, but she had to leave us, not on her own choice, she had gotten in a car accident, a little over a month ago, and was dead on […]
So today was (…)
This year.. This year I can’t say I wished for a lovely husband, or for a perfect GPA, or to be a good cook or to have a pleasant job or whatever.. This year I wished I’d die,, That’s what I wished for.. Success is nothing when you’re alone.. And I figured I might be alone for a long long time.. That’s why God made me the only girl.., and it wasn’t just me so that my parents will have no one but me and they’ll be obliged to spend more time with me and by that I wont be alone.. […]
those of you who know the character in the play hamlet know what happens to her. it sort of sums up what is going on in my mind. as in i feel like i am losing it. the swing of emotions i am experiencing is exhausting. anger, deep sadness, tears that come from nowhere, and an urge to kill myself. while i am supposedly making progress by letting myself express these emotions, it is the unpredictability of the whole mess that is getting me. i have been suicidal since i was a child so of course that will emerge from the pit as well. i […]
i love him a lot he too…but i become so dependent on him it disturbs his life he wants me to be independent but i couldn’t do that..i read many articles..i motivated myself to be independent of him but nothing gives success..i am working as a software engineer i am a passionate girl i love my job ..i have a variety of hobbies..good parents brother friends..but the new office environment and hostel environment makes me to feel lonely ..i couldn’t manage this loneliness that’s why become too much dependent on him and moreover he made me to be dependent on him..he voluntarily involved himself and […]
So I’ve been seeing someone to help straighten me out. I’m not sure he understands fully. I have a plan, and a am willing to go through with this. I was waiting to see if things got better. My anxiety has somewhat. I should be thankful for that. I still just find relief in completing the plan. I don’t think it will mean anything for anyone. Even he said no one would give a crap. No kidding. It’s not for anyone else though. Just for me. The only thing I’ve truly ever done for myself. I am waiting patiently. I don’t have a date. I just […]
…need help killing myself. seriously plan to do so in the future, kind of like the way mr.robin williams did. i don’t want it to be messy or showy though, and ideally inexpensive… i want to die somewhere my body will never be found as well. if it’s possible. i want to completely just disappear…
i would rant about why i want to die, but i’m not looking for sympathy, i just need some serious advice on how to get it done without a hitch. i think being able to plan your own perfect death is a wonderful thing, and perhaps it’s the only chance i’ll […]
I just went on her tumblr page and i saw she got a tattoo of a flower and im pretty sure its a sunflower… is that to remind her of me? I mean that is who i am… If it is then thats fucked up because she dosent talk to me anymore but I do hope that I mean that mmuch to her that it is… but who am i kidding it probs isnt; its most likely just a flower and i’m no where on her mind. I dont know how I went from having such close friends to basically ZERO! I would love to […]
well today was almost the day. why it wasn’t isn’t really important here. but the means, the opportunity and the will are all there. i really don’t know why i have fallen into the pit. i have been crying a lot (read everyday), angry, etc etc. you know the drill. after that then there is a certain kind of numbness. i am purposely withdrawing from the world, life. then the physical stuff isn’t exactly helping either. the near constant stomach pain whether i eat or not, various wounds from months ago that are not healing. chest pain and fatigue just for shits and giggles. yes […]
I will be ending it once I get some affairs in order, I’ve said it before but I simply have nothing left and am exhausted to the core. Despite everything I’ve never been an evil person and was already suffering badly when you decided to start tormenting me and forming coalitions by deception and hacking tricks to do your best to ruin my life any way you could. I’m tired of living like this, I’m sure after I’m gone you will celebrate that you caused the death of another human being. I may have no accomplishments in my life but that is one I’m glad […]
yep im a daddy im happy yes but heres the wondaful cach when she figerd it out she became deprest freeked out and now shes broken up with em thinking im going to be angrey i told her its her body she can do as shes pleases so if she dos keep it or get rid of it (i hate refering to it as it but idk how els to say genderless child) im going to be there ither way the problem is i love her i love her with all my heart i whant to make it work between up but she whont exsept […]
i kept myself extremely busy and productive today to take my mind off of everything. it worked pretty well too. i went to my college and attended my two classes for today. i got a lot of homework done for my courses, took care of the remaining things for financial aid, etc. i felt like i accomplished a lot today, i was even a little proud of myself, until night time arrived….
whats the point of any of it? why am i still trying? im absolutely miserable with myself. the only person who could make this better is the person who shattered my fucking heart. i […]
So on the 24th of august 2014 i tried to commit suicide and wanted to so badly, and you know nearly succeeded but because of my brother i am still alive lol. We had an argument the day before and i stupidly realised after i had taken 35 out of the 50 i had laid out on my table. So of course because my brother is the only person in this world i actually care abt and know he cares abt me i stopped. And im a bit glad i did but not entirely because i still feel like complete and utter shit, i still […]
When are you a self harmer? Is it wrong? How long can you control it? I need help but i don’t think that i am a threat to myself. please help
the vampire diaries is her favorite show, so here i am, on a saturday night, by myself as always, watching this show and seeing all of these romantic loving relationships, something i wanted so badly with her. i refuse to live my life without her, i cant do it. the only reason im being a miserable loser here is because i wont allow anybody close to me know that i feel this way. once i grow a pair and actually decide to end it, theyll never see it coming.