I’ve had enough of the constant grief/worry/ruminating thughts/ guilt. mostly guilt. I just have to go through with it and get it over with. I mean once your dead your dead. I think ya know it really is kind of selfish isnt it. id love to make it look ike an accident but i dont think its possible really. Im just gonna jump off somethin and die. once your dead your dead its over. my poor family will have to go through a lot of shit . I tried to spare them but i really dont know what i can do now. I came home […]
I feel insane, like i’ll never be happy. Even though i strive so hard to be happy. Yet i feel as if there is fire in my skin, and i am drowning within’. I can’t trust nor really open up to people.. i can feel them judging.. no one understands the concept of depression around here.. they just think you are ‘sick’ .. that’s all you’ll hear “She’s sick, look at her wrist” “She needs to be put away” .. But they don’t get the constant darkness taking over your mind.. Out of all honesty if i were to do it.. I’d make it look […]
I am a coward. I should have killed myself when i first thought of it. Ironically, i am terrified of self harm. I came from a broken home. My parents were both hard workers, i never really went through financial hardships…. That i could recall but i was rather young when we were poor so maybe that is why. My father is an alcoholic, he always has been. He would constantly hit my mother in front of us and would cause a scene no matter where we were. He was only violent when he was drunk. I remember being 10 when things really started going […]
Only 17 years old and I have so much to say and I would never be able to remember it all to write it down at once. I don’t understand the purpose of our species, we are reckless and materialistic. The closest people to me don’t even know that I think of suicide nearly every night, I go to work and wonder if the people I work with can even sense that I hate life. I’ve been thinking about it for years, and i remember being younger and trying to hold my breath until I died underwater but obviously that doesn’t work. I’ve pondered the […]
How did i find this website? umh yes i was looking up overdose options. idk i’m at the point of my life that even though im so young i’m kinda ready to throw in the towel, i’m pregnant and i’m being forced to have an abortion, i dont want to cus its just horrible, but it that happens i rather just go with the baby too. maybe im over reacting im not sure but i feel too depressed.
It was midnight nobody was at home…. i picked the keys of my car … i locked my room and i moved to the car…the time was 2:30am …i started the moved on…then i went to a nearest mountainn…… i stopped the car and realizing all who dont care abt me … who betrayed me…And then i started the car again and i was incresing the car race and then i took my foot off from break and the car move soo speedly …And then i ijumped into the mountain with my car … I closed my eyes and praying to my lord […]
I have an amazing beautifal sweet caring loving girl. She’s psychologically sound and cant understand my plight. As i was doing so good for a while. I had a job making 32 bucks an hour 64 on weekends and i threw it all away for no other reason then i didnt like it and hated the boss. I sometimes wonder if having a girl who’s been where im at would be any different? One who understands me. From experiance. Like we could help each other . My girl is too normal as wierd as that sounds and i feel like shit sayin it
I think ive been lost for a while now. I finally realized how sad and miserable my life has been for at least a good 4 years. Ive been aware that im depressed following other illnesses by my doctor diagnosing me with depression and other mental illnesses, but it barely hit me. Hard. I look around and i look at me, at this 14 year old girl who cant find her face nor her soul anywhere. I look in the mirror and i see a girl who looks so lost, so tired. All kids my age, even younger or older seem to have things under […]
I have scars on my arms from endless self harm. I am depressed all the time. I have times where I don’t want to live anymore. My thoughts in my head are like burning flesh. I cut to relieve pain, my emotions. I always think cutting is the solution to everything. I take the razor to my wrist, and i cut and cut until there’s nothing left. I’ll cut until I bleed onto this page. And I’ll find words that can qualify my rage. People can be cruel, and i need a way to deal, and up to this point, A razor is all that’s […]
im just stuck, stuck with my feelings, stuck with my own fear of killing myself, im too scared to do anything about it yet i cant put a foot foward to better my life, im just stuck… and i cant do nothing about it… here is a little drawing i did that express my state of mind
and soon. Sure, who the hell doesnt want an easy way out, but growing tired of all the nay-Sayers who dont think i have the guts to off myself. MORE bad news today. MORE being alone! MORE being screwed-over by family. and yes, at this point i know that no one cares and i certainly ASK that no one cares. Just MORE shit-filled proof in my life stating i am worthless to others and i know damn well, i have long since been worthless to myself, too. i could give a fuck. i found a way to legally purchase a gun in my state. no […]
I have not yet accepted my defeat. I shall complete myself, whatever it takes. in my this journey yet i have explored many forbidden zones. the deeper i go the more forbidden zones lose their holiness/untouchability. and a mere touch of me crumbles their whole fortress that they created in thousands or millions of years. And now i shall move one more step. Once social connectedness preserved the species and it was called the highest good. But what is species preservation to me? My suffering has paid all my debts and i owe nothing to nobody. Tell me, what makes another person more worthy to you than […]
i know ppl dont care, but its nice when theY pretend to. they let me get close to them, thinking i could trust them, but than as soon as i do one little thing wrong, they turn their backs on me. I honestly couldnt care, i realized i havent talked to anyone in 2 days straight, and for once i felt better about myself. But than my supposedly “best friend” calls me a conceited *****. just because i dont want to talk. i only did this for me…… and the one time i do something for myself, im a selfish slut? like seriously what the […]
for years now i’ve been a zombie with one though on my mind
one cold endearing constant thought through the good times and the bad it remains lingering in my mind like the stale smell of smoke in the room around me.
everyday i wake up i wish that i hadn’t and when i go back to sleep i wish never to wake again
a useless ****** like me doesn’t deserve to live anyways i just wish it were easier to do
i know i can get help and i know that things can get better with effort but i also don’t care i dont want things to get […]
I was in a chatroom on social media
and i saw those words
‘i feel like dying’
shit
thats not what the website is for
so i tell them
‘call the suicide hotline’
they disregard me
a person message
‘stoop her’
stoop her?
im so confused now
‘stop her,shes my girlfriend’
shit
what am i supposed to do now?
so i set up a little personal package
dont die
suicidal numbers
truths
sigh
send
there
i fixed everything,right?
10 minutes
30
nothing
Wait–
Something!
‘Has she responded yet’
Oh
No
And now im going back
To that one place
That one place where i
pull my hair
and cant breathe
and feel like letting it all out
literally
just opening my mouth and letting my organs flow
a shake and heave
and start my same habit in a different place
and think about […]
She lived with me for a year and we were each others everything and then she started doing whatever the fuck she wanted and didnt respect me so i broke up with her and she packed up and left. That year was so broken and fucked up but i loved her with everything in my body everything but i couldnt take the feeling of her slipping away (I could tell we were loosing our love) But even though i broke up with her I still love her so much and i wish i never did it but its too late shes trying so hard not […]
my friend introduced wicca to me and i’m soooo interested in it…we even did a séance to my dad…it was soooo emotional. I would like to start practicing but I have no idea where to start and me and her have lost connection….any ideas or references???
When you sort things out, when you sort your life, when you think this time it’s going to be alright, you say: you made it!; something awful happens. It throws you out of your course and i know these things happen daily. I just can’t stand when someone thinks you don’t care, when they think it is easy.
I am not making any sense but i am a little bit teary so i can’t find the words to describe how i feel. It’s always thinking about the future that makes me sad. I reached an age in which it is not yet too late to change […]
im used to being alone and not having anyone to talk to….but im feeling really fucked up right now….nobody fucking cares and i dont think anyone ever will….maybe i should take his advice…”just keep on cutting. you worthless piece of shit.”