Fellow empty, twisted, depressed, and manic readers I present the following true story of a perfect example of how the “normal populous” sees us.
I was at one time attending a support group for individuals “like my self” whom suffered from severe bi polar and depression cases. on this occasion someone new brought their mother (her daughter had been to a few meetings and so her mother decided to come).
As we begin the round table of pointless discussion E.G.how was you’re last seven days blah, blah, blah.
We finally reach a single woman who is a severe bi polar like myself. She states the […]
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Apartment
Im sitting in my apartment listening to the verve and thinking about how lucky i am. I swear i dont im gona stop smiling for a week.
Im happier than usual because i met someone amazing. She is so perfect its crazy. I seriously never thought i would ever meet anyone i could like every again. But this girl has been relentless, i met her in the library and she has been coming up and talking to me for a few weeks now, i have been politely brushing off her advances until now. Last Saturday i was sick of making excuses, i just said look i […]
There is so much I want to say but so little words that could describe how I feel (and have been feeling for the past few years.) The ones that immediately come to mind include: Tired, apathetic, and hopeless.
I am generally thought of as a happy person because I am always seen smiling whether I’m at work or at school. It’s even to the point that people always laugh at me for smiling so much. The truth is I hate it. I hate smiling, I hate laughing because I just don’t want to. Why should I have to anyways? Â My school life is a mess […]
I am in debt so far over my head that i’m afraid of everything. i don’t answer my phone because it is always the bank. i shred my mail without reading it.
I have watched myself do terrible  things to people i supposedly loved for no reason with no way to stop it and it will happen again and again. no reasons, just pain and anger and manipulation. words i can never take back. i strangled my ex until  i could feel his pulse in my hands and i wanted so badly to kill him for what he’s done.
I’m so broke I started doing porn and […]
So this is my first post.. sorry if it’s not very clear or easy to understand. I’m just lost.
So i never thought i would be this way. I had a great childhood, and at 20 i still feel like a kid sometimes. Like a kid that was just testing out the water and all the sudden was pushed in. Except in this imaginary world, i don’t know how to swim. So here i am struggling to stay above water. Now i’m not sure if it’s worth the effort anymore.
To put it simply, i feel so empty inside. I’m sure part of the reason is because […]
So my last post here was this one
http://suicideproject.org/2011/11/tonights-the-night-i-guess/
Long story short, after writing that, I waited until midnight, walked out to the Golden Gate Bridge, looked over the railing, and got ready to jump. I waited until midnight because I didn’t want anyone to actually see me die, and I know that security around there tends to watch out for any potential jumpers. Anyways, so I’m standing there, trying to talk myself into finally ending it all, when some bicyclist on the other side of the bridge yells over “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!”. Or something to that effect anyways.
I looked over at him, […]
So my wife left me about one month ago. She was constantly lying to me. We would agree on something and she would do the total opposite. I would ask her question and know she was lying.
She is 10 years younger than me….and I had more wealth when we got married. She now makes more money than me. She also sign pre-nup before we got married. I brought a house with the money i sold from my apartment and the house is under my name.
Well fast forward a year later…she tells me that she want the house under her name and she won’t help with […]
go to work
go to my moms house
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
rinse/repeat
weekend!!!!!!!!
take care of my brother
get high
go to sleep
I do other things but…. I’m sitting here willing myself to get up and go back to my moms house for the evening but I just can’t. Even if I had my own apartment again, it’s all so unsatisfying. I want.. i dunno. A woman? That doesn’t sound right but I’m sure it’s what my body wants. My mind is the problem. My body is healthy and fit.. my mind just doesn’t want. Doesn’t want anything, […]
So, my problem may seem stupid to everyone, but its something that has been bothering me for a long time. My best friend… I guess former best friend and I have always fought since about a year after I met him (which was 4 years ago). We had a ton in common back then, and have changed since then and are pretty different now. However, we have always remained great friends minus the fighting all the time. Which, I may say, a lot of the fighting has been my fault as much as his. But, a few weeks ago, it got really bad. He started […]
after that last post, it hit me like a broad seeing red; my entire life is an act. No wonder I’m so tired. The minute I leave my apartment, I’m weighed down by the way I have to be to get ahead, to get by, to not be harassed etc etc. I guess in a sense we all do it, but everything I say is a farce. I don’t celebrate holidays anymore, I dropped all superstitions, minimized/simplified my diet; I’m trying to live the way an evolved human might. The world around me doesn’t make sense and I worry about who I’m to become, […]
I was picked up out of my home and thrown into a mental hospital on 12/30/2011 for a week so it really thwarted my plans of ctb before the new year. I left the hospital with a false sense of optimism, and now I’m sitting in my apartment on suicide websites again…..feeling like my soul is dead and I’m just going through the motions because that’s what I was told to do. Truth be told, I have no idea what the next day or weeks ahead of me hold….I know today was a shitty day, not sure when the glimmer of sunshine will show through […]
(I was going to put this as a comment under my picture but, I didn’t really want to start a big discussion there about jobs and the economy)
Please, would someone just listen to me? Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall.
I really, honestly appreciate the thoughts and ideas for what I can do. However, I am not stupid. I KNOW my options. I know what to do and how to be and what to say. Even though I’ve talked about myself in a few posts and comments here doesn’t mean you really know me or what my life is like.
I […]
Well I think the time has finnaly come for me to step into the shadow of darkness
I’ve lost my job, I have no family or friends, no pets, no plants, no reasion to live,
obese and 54, no hope for tommarow, I’m broke, soon to be homeless, no sex, no loves, and when I pass no-one will notice till my landlord checks my apartment because I haven’t paid my rent.
Well it’s time
goodbye
If I could just make some progress on my bills. I’m an homest man I never stiff anyone, but since I lost my job two years ago I’ve had to live on a small pension, (thank God for that) and I just slip farther behind. I’m 55. I’ll never be able to pay them off. I hide the hurt from everyone but sometimes it comes back so badly that it’s almost unbearable. I never, ever,  thought that at this stage of my life when I should be looking forward to my “golden years”, I’m instead living in a rented apartment, struggling to get by, with […]
I don’t know where to start. All i know is at 29 i should be further in my life than this. I’ve had SEVERE anxiety issues since i was in elementary school. I had to quit school and get my GED because of it. I went to cosmetology school and didn’t take my test because i was too nervous and was scared i was going to make an a** out of myself. Anyway, my dad who has cancer pays my rent. They denied me for food stamps so i have no food and no way to pay my bills. I’ve tried to work but because […]
I’ve been this way for years now. Antisocial. Never the popular guy. Kind of a hermit, I keep to myself. I’ve dealt with depression and feelings of suicide before, but they eventually went away. In the last year though, I’ve really gone back downhill. I’m living alone and I lost by job back in December. That kind of deflated me. For the last year, I’ve been employed for maybe five or six months and for the rest of the time I’ve been jobless. Nothing inspires me. Any job I ever work is thankless and uninspiring and I find myself depressed even when I DO have […]
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