I keep trying to tell myself that it’s alright, but it just doesn’t feel like it is. Everything is continuously getting worse, & I don’t understand why?? Like I try to get better but I’m just to the point where I don’t care if I’m better or not, you know? My grades are slipping & it’s not even half way through the first quarter. I wake up in the morning just wanting to come home & go right back to bed. It kind of really sucks, but it’s fine, I guess. Oh well. I don’t really have much to say. I just really needed to get that […]
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A not so famous quote from my best friend from high school that always makes me laugh – “Yeah I like grit music.”
If only Wndozh8r was here, he’d get it and I wouldn’t have to explain. LOL
Its like a guilty pleasure. I listen to 80s sometimes to de-stress and I end up on play lists of grit music. Or what you would know as hair metal.
A grit is a term we use back home in West Virginia for people who dress like fans of hair metal. Those are grits. Pikers. LMAO. Hahaha god I miss the days when things were simple….
I don’t know why I came here and decided to do this after all this time. Maybe I have just reached that point of desperation where I am looking for anything to make myself feel better.
It’s probably gonna be a long one, so don’t feel the need to read, this is just me venting.
I have suffered from depression for as long as I can remember. I just cannot remember any point in my life where I was genuinely happy. I remember at about 8 years of age I used to come home from school and spend the rest of the evening alone, crying. I never […]
Every now and then i think i should just remove myself from the lives of everyone i could possibly influence. Sometimes i think of ending my life, other times I think of disappearing.
I think im here for the anonymity of this forum. I dont talk to anyone about how i feel because that is useless. If they dont have the same feelings then they cant understand and i imagine i would be even more of a burden then.
I also dont want anyone to call a shrink because im “suicidal”. That wouldnt help… at all. Im not the guy who sits in a quiet […]
I miss her daily. Not sure why I keep checking up on this account. It helps me a little but I just want her back.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend who – surprise surprise – killed himself. It’s been over 3 years since he left. I was so crushed and felt SO guilty for about a… month. Yeah, it took me only like 30 days to get over the fact that somebody important to me died and that I might have actually pushed that important somebody a little towards the edge. Guess I’m one cold-hearted motherfokker. But despite not really giving a single disco dancing piece of poo about this once-so-tragic-but-not-anymore occurrence, I can safely say that I will never forget this little drama boy.
But hey, […]
Hey guys sorry I haven’t been writing on here in a while. My junior year of college started a few weeks ago. This past weekend was rough 2nd E.R. visit in two months ( both for different reasons), feeling shitty, Accidentally cut my foot open when I bumped into a glass candle while shopping at bath and body works. The bottom end of it landed on my left foot broken part down. Thank goodness it only left a small scar on my foot, ended up being betrayed by a friend at church that I thought I could trust. Now I keep seeing photos and statuses […]
The feelings started coming back again that sort of empty worthless feeling and I’m still trying to fight it even now my trying not to cry
I read my Diagnostic report today for the forst time ever and I was like someone literally put all my bad quality in a “nice” little box and I realised just how pointless I really am I use to think that I can use what I DO have to my advantage but what I do have isn’t going to help me be successful in a ordinary part time job and I isn’t going to make me progress onto being happy and […]
I’m back to the knife
not the sharp ones I’m used to
don’t want to cut too deep
but can’t seem to cut deep enough
can’t draw blood
too afraid
too afrad to relapse
needing medical attention
having people worry
seeing the pain in their eyes
but I want to draw blood
not too much
just a little
but I can’t seem to do it
all I make are red marks on my arm
like scratches from a stick
I’m not really sure what I want to say here…I feel like I’m doing better now, I’m out of counseling, back in school, still facing challenges. I’m still trying to be the person I want to be, but I find it difficult since I’m stubborn and always focus on the past, and I still get anxiety around people I don’t know, and I still have vengeance for those who hurt me or are hurting, and I don’t want to be like that… Anyone know good tips or advice to help me be a better compassionate person?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46teotoyLiw
What’s your excuse for all of this?
It’s 12 o’clock and it’s times like these I know for sure won’t be missed
but for now, it’ll always be raining in my mind
I can’t take back what I said, words that go your way seem to disconnect
It’s burning me inside and out, but yet my heart’s so cold.
It’s another night I have to face being all alone.
I never thought it was possible, but I’m seeing shades of grey.
This weight you left me, just gave you away.
I won’t face today, all my thoughts keep bringing me down
Not a single […]
Sometimes I feel as though I’ve done all I can do; other times I feel as though I haven’t done anything at all.
In late October/early November of 2014, I became extremely ill and had to be taken to the clinic. There, I was seen by a doctor, and while she was talking, I suddenly because very light headed. Then I had tunnel vision, and everything went black.
I woke up to find myself surrounded by people, all leaning over me, and laying down on the cold, harsh tile floor. I felt a pounding headache, where I had evidently hit my head when I fell of the […]
June 27, 2015 at 6:15 AM
From: Kathryn Marie Hunter (Me)
To: Rick and Maggie Hunter (My parents)
This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I assure that it was a long time coming. Before this past week, I didn’t have the support to do this, but now I’m surrounded by people willing to help. This isn’t to upset you, but rather to give you a rude awakening.
The Katy you know is not the real one. The real me has hidden from you since 3rd grade, and has stayed in hiding until now. You have not noticed this, as you believe fallacies, and deny the […]
I absorb negative emotions so quickly and frequently. I don’t even have any reason to be upset at life. I’m just physically drained all the time.
I remember back in high school and earlier, I was always bright and full of life etc, but HS just ruined me. That’s not to say I had a rough time through it, I’m an average dude, had friends and did okay on subjects. But I was always invested in the idea of having a partner. Having someone to love and care for. And that want has slowly been stripped back piece by piece and I just don’t even try […]
There was a time when I was fairly content with life. Took a lot of things for granted, things I should’ve cherished but instead just let them pass me by. I let myself just dwindle, sliding down further without me even knowing it. I wish there was a way I could go back in time and tell my reckless, dumb self to be more wary and careful. This all stemmed from me never looking at myself with love, I always thought I had to prove something, to be someone I was never meant to be. I should’ve just accepted who I was. If life presents […]
Anyone else out there depressed, and feeling like hell, but not suicidal?
by thelost
written by thelost
I don’t know why I go on anymore, it’d be easiest to give it a fucking rest and be the recluse I’m meant to be. I just drag myself through this hell again and again. I have nobody else to blame but myself for the way I feel. I just wish sometimes I wasn’t so alone, but the thing is that it’s my fault and there’s no good excuse for it. Most days I can force the smile on my face to be real enough that even I believe it, for a time at least. The thing is that no matter how long I smile […]
I feel very depressed when I look at my 17-year-old self and remember the hasty choices that I made regarding my career. I’ve ever been very responsible with my school activities and, indeed, I’ve ever excelled; however, fear and anxiety usually devoured my guts so that I couldn’t take the risks and apply to a more profitable major/career at college. When I see my friends who weren’t afraid, chose the right thing and succeeded, I do just want to die; because time doesn’t go back and it sounds like I threw all my opportunities away. Today I’m 27 and I see no other solution than starting again from zero; […]
These past few months have been hell, i moved out from my dads place after having my baby to live with my mom hoping things would be better with her and they were for a year. Until she and i got into a fight, over my boyfriend. She was right, i was a prick but things were never the same after that, we fought a lot. Up until the point where she started demanding rent, got a job but i wasnt able to.keep it because of my anxiety amd depression. My mistake. Fast foward, she called the police on me after my sister (18), and […]
yup title says it all. swallowed 20 aprin i didnt even fucking cry i was shaking though after about 10 minutes i felt fine and went to school. when i got there i was already feeling sick so i laid my head on my friends lap. it hurt to move and talk i had no strength. i told him what i did but he didnt get the hint to go get the nurse.so me myself had to walk around school from my class i was in to the office to my locker back to the class to the office. didnt throw up untill […]
I’ve lost everything, my friends, my sister, my happiness. I use to be the happy person that would high five everyone in the hallway, the person you could count on. “Your the problem” “your not good enough” “why would I wanna hang out with a freak like you’ is all I hear now. Rejection and misery welcome me like my blanket at night. My friend’s all turned their back on me, and my sister, the only family I felt I could actually talk to and enjoy, is gone from this world, now all I have is my yorkie, I went into homeschool because the bullying […]