Killz’ Eye View is back from the Crowz Nest and his Hiatus to bring another fuckin enlightening episode on faith, dreams, and the power to move forward past opposition by leading by example. My #killrz keep #killinit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BkojoxOf7w
Audio is a bit skewed in spots because of the bullshit program I had to use, but I’ll be back to my gold standard Adobe Premiere for the next episode!
Guys, I don’t know what to do. I was feeling productive and updated my resume, but for what. I don’t own a car and I don’t have my license because I need more practice, but there are no cars for me to practice with. My dad is an asshole and my mom is a ditz. They frustrate me so much. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted to divorce my parents. I think that is one of my biggest regrets in life. My all time biggest regret in life is that I didn’t try harder to kill myself in 8th grade. I was stupid. […]
An adventure in a really strange land full of happy towns and dark valleys. Once you get off your village there is no way back and you must keep walking and walking until you have your feet in blood. If you get lost, oh dear, that is your end. The demons that live in the darkest valleys will follow you day after day, night after night, and at the most small sign of weakness they will eat you alive. You can truly believe that they are not real and they are not following you, but they are. They are so real like you. And once […]
I dont know what to do, I have really bad mood swings.. ups and downs.. cant controlhow myself.
Last year, I tried to get help by a psychotherapist because of that and because I have bad anxiety, couldnt go into a little bit crowded place without wanting to cry out of panic and feeling (but not doing) I’ll pee myself, but I realized that the therapy wasn’t helping and I am the only one who can help my self and so I stopped going there. The Therapist doesn’t seem to understand me. Getting that fact and starting to meditate, I really felt like I got myself […]
Like still, in the realm
From the flow
Like it’s all my fault
The Sun shines, but oh-no
We don’t got a boat but a raft
Holy, I don’t want to be
Tomorrow too late, only
What happened to the circle
How do we take it back, to one
I injured thou pincer
I guess I hope, that you got my lost bottle of messages
Maybe, from the voice of Espeon, go play with Umbreon
Horsea, and which is he
We all have so much to deal with. I wish everyone in this life the best of outcomes. The wheel keeps spinning regardless of whether or not it’s too fast to keep pace with. Don’t fall off the tracks my bros and sisters. Just keep running, falling, and getting back up to do it some more. Peace and love be with you all.
its famous, liveleak.com released all his videos. It’s about a 21 year old dude that’s so obsessed with Bjork that he documents 8 months of his life to his plan. He builds a bomb, sends it to her address, than comes back and shoots himself on camera. It was back in 1996
Ive been afraid to post here because that will mean the depression is surely back – well this sucks, I can think of a plethora of triggers that may have caused this to start. I don’t know what I am expecting from you all, maybe a little support, a little hope. Im afraid this might be the straw that breaks the camels back. So much pressure right now in my senior year at college, looking to apply to grad school and all I can think of right now is what kind of knot to use in my noose.. I feel so crappy.
Everyone tells me that I had no choice, and that it wasn’t my fault. They said I did a lot more than what most would do. But I don’t feel that way, because I took her there. I am fully responsible for her death. I am to blame. It was my fault. I was supposed to take care of her, but instead, I sent her away. She died because of me.
It was horrible and heartbreaking why they decided to put her down. It shattered me.
I was going back for her, I couldn’t stand it that she was there. I was waiting for […]
It’s funny how things work, I suppose. I always seem to end up right where I started; in the dark. I’ve been trying to sleep for the past few hours but nothing is working, I’m disgustingly wide awake.
I’m just going to write how I’ve been feeling lately in this post, you don’t need to read it, not at all I just need an outlet.
My older brother and his wife had moved out, right? well, they’re back. I should’ve expected it, I really should have. On top of that the man who made me first start to hate myself, my grandfather, lives here now too. That’s […]
Would be nice to be dead.
And I hope that it will happen soon.
I never really had a chance to regain my life.
Once you’ve been down, you stay down.
Some make it back up, some just don’t.
I’ve been struggling for the last two years to regain pieces of me that were. But no such luck.
Hurting myself in the ways I do is the only way I know how.
The world is fucking corrupted, society became nothing because we did nothing to make it something. People will walk over one an other for pieces of papers, we’re killing one an other, we’re killing our self without even noticing that we’re killing everything around us. in what fucking world am i leaving. if people could just open their eyes and realize that we’re fucking dying and of course as the selfish human being that we are we cannot go down alone we’re taking this world with use. We are the killers and the killed, we built things just to brake them, we take and take […]
You were vulnerable and I left you.
I felt I had no choice.
Nonetheless, I threw you away.
You needed me to take care of you,
I did not value your life.
I do now, so very very much.
My deepest, deepest sorries.
I am hurting so much.
But you, you paid for my incompetence with your life.
I prayed for you the night before they took your life.
I didn’t know it would happen that way, that day, I would’ve came for you. I would’ve ran to you.
Please believe me.
God did not answer my prayers that night.
God has never answered […]
Today was my birthday, drove to beach with a friend and imbibed a lot of liqor at the beach, shared momemories and laughed. Got back home and slid back to my depression and existential crisis. Holding pills in cupped hands and crying. I want the pain to stop. Can’t go on like this.
Someone please tell me why after all I’ve been through, after all the measures I’ve taken to make sure I never wound up back there again, why am I back there again? Why am I losing everything that has ever mattered to me in a matter of less than two weeks? Why does it seem he doesn’t love me anymore, even though two weeks ago, we got engaged? Why do I feel as if nobody cares for me anymore? Why am I slipping back into the place of just wanting to die and end my life, and nobody would care anyway? I know it’s a […]
he was infatuated with me,
for a week,
then chose her.
he came back,
with more infatuation,
then chose her.
“I’m sorry”
im sorry, but sorry doesn’t mean shit.
i’m not in a very good place right now. today i got on facebook and discovered ‘she’ sent me a friend request – the ‘she’ who my dad cheated with all those months ago, subsequently ruining mine and my mom’s lives. i guess she honestly doesn’t believe she did anything wrong that night… i don’t know what the hell kind of drug she was on… but how dare she. i saw that today and everything came flooding right back to me, all of it. i feel like i’ve been hit in the stomach and now i can’t breathe. what’s worse, my older sister is friends […]
do we lose people in order to teach ourselves to be stronger because the people we lost were the ones we were maybe too close with? Unhealthily relied on people? To teach ourselves you can’t become this dangerously close with someone? Or do we lose people because the human race is selfish and one person is always giving more than they’re getting until ultimately the other person won’t give anything back at all?
“To know the truth, you must risk everything.”
“Because you have been down
there, Neo. You know that road. You
know exactly where it ends. And I know
that’s not where you want to be.”
I think Neo didn’t make his choice when when he took the red pill over blue; he really made his choice when he chose to stay in the car with Trinity rather than getting down and going back home.
http://youtu.be/0oCtKKNFYnI
Been driving few hours. Fell asleep at the whee few times. Catching up on sleep while I drive. Pretty great. Who says men cant multitask eh? Slumber would be nice at one point though. I might do that. I’m in Kingston. A town few hours west of our nation’s capital. Cool little place. RMC is located here. Our military university for officers to be. An army base is located here obviously and lots of heritage like Old Fort Henry. A fort we defended back in the colonial days. Pretty cool. Been there a few times. Defended it. In my mind from the countless denizens […]