Lately I’ve just been feeling like a shell of the person I used to be. After you’ve been talked down to by nearly all the people you look up to, all the people you called friends, and people that don’t even know you, it starts to weigh down on you. Back in 2010, I lost someone very close to me to suicide. I began my freshman year very lost. I let my grades slip and became extremely recluse. My social anxiety sky rocketed. Like, I couldn’t even ask the teacher questions. That continued all 4 years of high school. I failed nearly all of my […]
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from the depths of despair I wander
but not all who wander are lost
yet I am both
a wandering vagabond in search of answers i’ll never seem to find outside of my rib cage
my animal pen that keeps my true rage locked inside until it’s time to feed
hidden and looked over have I been for far too long
.
.44 magnum for voice box full of ammunition that’s begging to be fired
whoever gets in the way is irrelevant; the bullets are meant to kill
cause I’m killz and I was born in darkness
birthed in hopelessness and death themselves
i have seen […]
I am perfectly happy… Then my eyes open and im back here where i dont belong… Back here where i am helpless and hopeless… Its such a cruel world… No i have to go on auto-pilot… And pretend to belong.
Have you ever been afraid of yourself? Knowing that everyday you will just hurt someone else. My life doesn’t just pain me, it hurts others too. I won’t back out this time. I have just lost all sanity. I am fully gone. Nothing is holding me back. Goodbye world, because the hundredth “nobody likes you, go kill yourself” was the last. Now you will say, “what a loser, nobody liked him”.
Alright, here’s the deal. I need an address from somebody who lives in the states — preferably california so I can tell the border cops I got a destination. I’m going to tell them I’m going to spend a few months time with you at your place to kick back. All pleasure no business this time. (lie). All business AND pleasure. So! Who wants to help me make it big in the city of angels? I’m going to L.A with a dream in my heart. Driving down in my shitty Cavalier with outdated stickers and an exhaust system that’s seen better days but who gives […]
Just thought I’d make a post for those of you suffering physical pain and discomfort.
Many people are ignorant to the “scientific fact” that the left hemisphere of our brain controls motor function to the skeletal muscles on the right side of our body and vice versa. If you were to accept that movement begins with the eyes (you look in the direction you are traveling or intend to travel) then we must also consider the optic nerve and the way in which nerve impulses are sent from the brain (visual corteX) to the eye muscles.
There are in fact 2 branches of optic nerve […]
Is it wrong to born gay? I had been in relation with a guy for almost a year. He loves me very much. But he has insecurity Problem and hence we had several fights. One of the fights were so extreme that we had to deal with cops. I really love him and he loves me too! Adding to this. My father left my family when I was two year old baby. I have older brother who doesn’t work. My mother becomes angry on small reasons. I already had an unsuccessful effort of poisoning myself and dying. But still I survived after a medical treatment […]
thanks to mark. big ups to this man. he knows im good for it and gonna hit him back as soon as i can. no worries. anyway now i got nowhere to go here. i mean nowhere. gotta figure this shit out. goddamn.
I need more help but I’m scared to ask for it, I’m not talking about seeing someone I think I need to be admitted. It’s just I’m so scared to go and when I get back everything will be different. I know if I go I’m going to be just like my dad, I don’t want to go but if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll do something to myself. Just how do I say I need to go to the hospital?
Second post…
me and Shanna had a fight last night. I was talking to my son who was upset about a death we recently experienced. I was trying to console him and make him comfortable. She lit me up so hard and I just sat there and cried like a ***** in front of my son. Then, to top it all off, she took her engagement ring off and gave it back to me as if she found it in a crackerjack box and it meant nothing. I was crushed. She grabbed her daughter and left. I hate myself. I’m not a man. I am a […]
Latin translation:
(Ancient)
“sui” (of oneself) “caedere” (kill).
(modern)
“suicidium” or “conscivit” .
Greek:
“Aftoktonia”.
My thoughts upon these words, well the obvious “thing” which comes to mind is the cide or SIDE in sui, an anagram of die or dies. This combined with the “Aft” in the greek translation, presumably adapted as a nautical term which denotes either movement towards the STERN or TAIL of a sHIP or AIRcrAFT.
We might say the human body has six sides in three dimensions, that is the top, bottom left and right front and back, with the additional of the inside and outside that makes eight.
Amongst translations for the top as relating to […]
a lot of the time I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I do…is it my past?
i can just wake up and just feel like I want to die…I don’t want to get out of bed I stay in the dark no tv or anything and turn my phone off….
some days r good tho and I can laugh and smile then it’s back to this dark place….
i don’t like living like this I want to escape it and the only option seems to be suicide….
i don’t see any other way.
So there i was for a second, back where it all begun. My eyes closed, asking him not to come any closer. His hands creeping up my body slowly as i tried to hold back the tears, biting my lip not to make a sound. He was not to know i was awake, he could never know i was awake while he did this to me. I felt his lips against my neck and drowned a scream. He was going to do it. For one second i believed maybe he’d be satisfied by just touching me. Be of course, he never was. I had long […]
How can I be real
If I can’t even feel
The moonlight
I’m not so pretty, like you
You can wait
I can’t
Girl, can you just
Piece, what it’s missing
On to another, tune
Makes me wanna’
The tear, of the crown
The end of the song
Hero, are you ready for
Repeat
All that I feel
Let us go back, to the North or to the West
Like, birds
Do you know, yet
To take me to, glide
On to another tune
The song at the end
The voice and the eyes
I don’t know
Into the darkness,I walk alone,
Where all my faith and hopes are gone,
Into the abyss,I jump tonight,
I know nothing ever can be set right,
When I put the noose around my neck,
I can’t take my regrets back,
Why is it so difficult to kick the chair,
Knowing well my freedom is near.
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
Your pain is truly tragic.
You hoped and dreamed.
However the world just
isn’t they way you planned.
It isn’t what you imagined.
Yet you sit here and say
“I will kill myself,
and make the pain go away.”
But it’s just a hope,
that something is better.
That leaving is going to be grand.
But what if,
it’s not quite,
what you hoped,
and dreamed,
it would be.
It’s not what you
Imagined,
not what you wanted.
Well doll,
there’s no going back.
There is nothing around me
Of interest.
No shapes, no sounds. It’s all
A blur.
The only thing I trust now is
Darkness.
Pain constant in my side, just…
Hurt.
My life feels doomed, forever
Empty.
I need help coming back to
Life.
I forgot what it’s like to feel
Happy.
The pain, it cuts like a
Knife.
Memories have been long gone;
Forgotten.
Why would I try to remember all
My fears?
They still plague me, haunt me
Even then.
I like the dark. Now no one can see
My tears.
I tried collecting my thoughts as they come in pairs
An overwhelming feeling followed by emptiness,
As im searching for the signs between intersections in my mind,
I trace back to questions left behind
That led me to a line between certainty and confusion
When I can’t tell the difference between
When I can’t see the difference it seems
What holds me together
What breaks me down
What pulls me under
What keeps me alive
This are the thoughts that keep me up every night
And I can’t help but be consumed by this
My thoughts derail and collide with insecurities,
Like crooked teeth I lose my place, […]