It’s been 6 mounts since I last posted on here I’ve been trying to stay positive and trying to move on with my life I got a new partner. Who some what understands my mental Heath. What’s nice I stared volunteering at mind, a charity for mental Heath. And I’m going away with my family in 3 weeks. But I still car’t beat my thoughts of suicide and I rock bottom lows. I’ve been manic for the past week with suicidal thoughts (dose anyone els get suicidal thoughts when they are manic.
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Hey guys, i just signed up a few minutes ago and i’m surprised that i’m not alone. I just want to let all of you know, that we’ve got each others back since we’re in the same boat. I hope one day god will grant us the happiness we truly deserve. If not here, then in the afterlife.
Stay strong.
I always find myself coming back here when I lose hope. I post and you amazing people reply and I somehow get the strength to pull myself together.
But honestly guys, I want this to be the last time I come here, because I want to leave this world, for good.
But it is hard, the only two people I think about when I make up my mind to end it all are my Mother and Father. They will be shattered. Is there a way to make sure that they will be ok with my committing suicide?
Please help, I dont want to carry a guilt to my […]
When I breathe, each time i exhale i feel the weight of life pushing down and its hard to keep up..
Maybe I’m just not built as strong as other people.
I don’t know if I am built to feel, or if that’s just another dumb excuse.
Things are.. hard..
the past.. now.. and the future i don’t see.
Is this all really worth the fight.. ?
Is it all worth the suffering.
and now I feel light headed from the numbness.
the numbness in which this lingering. mother. fucking. depression. has brought upon me.
the emotion to feel numb after being stabbed so many, god damn times.
Im 21 years old yet i still feel like such a useless child, that same little girl whose father wanted her aborted, whose mother sdespite this got back together with said father and stood by while he both physically and emotionally abused me. He eventually kicked me out after finding out i had been raped saying that i deserved it and was better of dead. I struggeled to find a new place to stay the night most nights, if i couldnt find a place id sleep in a stall at hyvee or a walmart. While homeless i became addicted to meth. Id spend everyday high […]
ll of my life I’ve been abused and I’m now 37 and it still keeps coming, as a child I was neglected and underfed by my parents who also knowinly sent me to my grandfathers house where I was sexually assaulted constantly and raped by him and his friend, I cried out and nobody believed me and I kept getting sent back to him,
all through my adult life I’ve been abused by various girlfriends and again nobody believed me and now for the last 4 years its been happening again, I’ve been kept locked away in a house with a crazy woman who beat me […]
I guess the only thing holding me back is the curious fear I have of whats next. Is there a heaven like all our grandparents say? Or is there just black nothing? Will I linger and watch the aftermath, because that just might be worse. To watch all the ones I love suffer…. but at the same time living is a burden to them. I don’t know….what do you guys think happens when we are set free?
Feeling alone again, far beyond the feelings of yesterday
Insanity creeping in gently like a swift blowing wind
Looking for ways to lessen the pain without needles in veins
“Stay sane,” Is what I tell the voices in my head.
Little whispers, “Embrace the pain.”
I think, “Cutting again?” no I’ll refrain
There should be a better way, there always is
Maybe a stare back from the mirror, a slight admiration of self
Maybe the girl across the street a little kiss
Maybe an inspiration from the deceased
As the thoughts rang, it came.
Like an answered prayer
A thought, a pen and paper
I wrote it as I felt it I described it like a painter
I felt […]
New to this forum. I just want to share my story as honestly as possible. It will be long so I apologize for that. I hope you read on.
It all started about 6 years ago. At that point in my life I had finally carved out an existence that was neither happy nor unhappy overall. I had a good job with very good prospects, as I was a co-owner. I owned a house, a car and had money in the bank. I had a fairly large group of friends. I was OK with my life, even though I was not truly happy.
Then out of the […]
I think last year was probably the worst year of my life. Although in retrospect maybe that was a good thing, since it forced me to make some changes in my thinking and perception and personal philosophy that ultimately have led to a much more satisfying and content existence. Sometimes its only when things get to their worst and a situation becomes intolerable that you actually find the motivation to make changes. A couple years ago I came to the realization that I was pretty much bored with everything and that I didn’t really care about anything. I took this boredom and apathy and convinced […]
Ugh. I hate coming back to my parents house. There always just fighting all the time and just keep reminding me how disappointed they are in me and how much of a fucking freak I am. Thanks mum. Everything here just stresses me out an I feel like I’m gonna explode.
Cats are here though. Hugging them beats staying back alone at my apartment for 2 weeks while I’m off uni I guess.
For the first time in 7 months, I find myself contemplating how things would be if it had worked the first time. Or the second.
Last night I tried to finish off my life. I’ve always thought about it and the other day I finally made a plan. I left my place and started walking. I began cutting pretty much right away and as I turned down a dark alley is when I took the first Vicodin. I felt it and didn’t like the feeling. I continued walking and cutting and I just started panicking . I finally broke and called my friend. She was going to let me go and I wasn’t going to let that happen. I managed to drag myself back to meet up with them. They […]
The words you say to me. The words you say behind my back. “Don’t tell her anything she might kill herself.” You saying in front of everyone. They laugh. Why would they care anyways? It’s not like I was ever their friend. But to the girl that said that I was. I was her friend. And I thought I was being a good friend by telling her the truth. But I guess I was wrong… next class I have people laughing at me. Saying stuff about me because I was trying to help out a “friend”. My real friends say with me and said it […]
I just joined… Have no one to talk to, so here’s my first vent.
Alone and crying, confused since childhood. I’m addicted to the love I never had. I love the ones who don’t love me back. Im stuck in the pain of rejection- for years. I cry for months. Alone in darkness, silent without music. Music haunts my memories. On the outside I wear a smile and life goes on. I move quickly, work hard and keep going. No one knows how I feel inside. They laugh with me and say ‘you’ll be alright’. But at home I cry, all night. My dreams of love […]
This is probably the first time that I’ve ever posted somewhere about the issues regarding life‚ hey I’m sure everyone has them‚ but I’m atthe verge of contemplating ending it all.
My childhood was kinda great‚ until the point Ialmost got molested by a guy my dad worked for at the age of 10 thankfully I got the idea what he was “doing”. Another instance was where a distant older cousin she did molest me a little but I’m not sure its like a vague memory I’ve trapped which comes back only in bits I was a 11 year old boy then. I am the youngest […]
Trying to tell myself not too.
This weekend is Easter and I’ll be visiting my family so it isn’t the best time to cut.
But every time I stop working or go to take a break it’s all i can think of.
There is just a quiet little voice in the back of my mind reminding me.
But i know it will only feel good for the fist few seconds.
Then I’ll cry and regret it.
Like I do every time.
I’m not Christian or anything, but i still fear the possibility of going to hell if i kill myself. I have chronic pain, severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to an abusive childhood. I’m ready to die, but this dumb fear is holding me back and i don’t know how to get over it. I’m suffering and i just want to be free. Does anyone have any advice at all? :/
Life is boring , boring life. why movies, games, anime/manga, & fantasy/imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
by niki
written by niki
life is boring , boring life. why movies , games , anime / manga, & fantasy / imagination is better than life / real life / real world / reality ?
everyday life is the same : wake up, eat, go to school/work, boring, then go back home, eat, then sleep, then repeat again.
but movie / game / anime / manga / comics / books are much more exciting & interesting than this boring life !
for example: like in the world / universe of Harry Potter, Avatar, Lord of the Rings, Narnia, Marvel / Marvels, Avengers, X-Men, Divergent / Insurgent , Star Wars, The […]
I believe I have served my purpose. Natural death is just that, natural. It would be romantic if we died after having served our purpose so we could go peacefully knowing the suffering will end. However, because death can happen at anytime we could serve our purpose and suffer worthlessly for years only to die unhappy and confused. Some people are destined to be great and lead wonderful successful lives, not all of us are that privileged.
After having been medically discharged from the military just short of completing basic training due to an eye disease I cant control I no longer have anything to push […]