Lately my whole life has falling apart. Im 24 in California. Iv been with my gf for 5yrs. Iv left my whole family just to be with her here. (My family is in Michigan). So after 5yrs now she isn’t in love with me anymore. She says she loves me but shes not “in love with me”. She broke up witb me yesterday and now idk what to do.. like wtf iv built my whole life around her. Iv given her everything she ever wanted. I put her before myself and now it means nothing i cant just uproot myself whenever she feels like it. […]
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I’m a 15 year old Sophomore in highschool.
I don’t believe in God, so I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I think the only reason people “love” God is because they don’t want to risk going to hell IF God is real. Humans act on self interest, right?
Back to suicide, I plan on commiting suicide after I graduate high school. I’m not depressed at all, and there is no underlying depression, but I just think life is pointless. You work hard in highschool so you can go to college and work hard so you can get a job, and then you work hard for the […]
No one will ever know the pain I feel inside..
There’s this girl in the mirror I wonder who she is at times I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did there is a story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbyes when she’s looking back at me I can tell she’s hurting inside she smiles with all that she has left yet tears are left un-dried and though she’s got so much to say she bottles it up inside if you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees a disguise so you won’t recognize the girl is really me […]
In your arms I became mercurial writhed like a diamond back in the bleakness of eyes that seemed sulphuric, traveling through me, in me we bathed in incense and the colour of each other danced as though invented for the moment with dark longing breathing eachother in quiet desperation and you were beautiful in your honesty and I multitudes stinging in each movement that we echoed somewhere between lives and I wish I could’ve stayed to burn alive.
But I always find my way back here somehow.
I guess many can say I’m overreacting. Many would say the cliche “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. But I am done.
21 years of my life someone actually returned their feelings. Someone made me happy. We were in love.
I have been used, manipulated, led on and abandoned. But this person…they weren’t anything like that.
They were innocent. They weren’t capable to do such things. But my past hurt, and my mental illness drove us apart and I feel much worse than before.
I was suicidal and planned but they came into my life and saved me. They picked up the pieces and glued me together. But […]
I just found this website while I was quite depressed and just thought i would give it a try sharing my story here because I really don’t know who I should trust for now…
To start with, I’m a guy in mid 20’s. My childhood wasn’t that great coz my dad used to beat the crap out of me almost everyday for all his pressure he faces in the outside world. My mom is timid and has to support my dad always even if it has to be over me.
I just wanted to leave them away so I went to pursue my graduation in a foreign […]
Thet is hard to imagine, in the thick of a depressive moment that emotions can lift and the depression can leave. After years and y,ears dealing with my depression, I find this is all too true! But we must remember, esp in the middle of an episode that it can change and it can lift!
This morning started out rough, last night’s depression continued to linger. I HAD to go to work, I wanted to go to work, but my heart was really back in the muck. So much so that when a lady asked me for a ride, I was mad. Oye. Not like me. […]
I’ve felt, for a couple of years now, the same damn emotions. is that even…its hopeless, I’m not even sure why I joined this site, it’s always the same. no hope.
I feel so alone, hopeless, anguished, crushed, so inadequate, so incompetent, and just so sad….this gut wrenching, soul sucking, back breaking…heart breaking sadness…
and I tried, I truly did as one last fight before I welcome the cold, dark, dead hands of suicide.
So.. I’m officially homeless homeless. I was already homeless but at least I had a motel room but now I don’t even have that. Of course this happens the day it snows and just as it’s about to be -12 outside. Negative twelve degrees fahrenheit. I don’t EVER remember it being that cold here. Adding insult to injury, my sciatica pain is off the charts today AND my period just started which is always extremely painful, to the point of throwing up and passing out.
I do love how pretty the snow is but even that is making me sad. It sucks being so completely alone.
I […]
I truly do not understand the point of my life.. for a long time now I haven’t been able to picture a future. Like I don’t have one, like I’m meant to die young. But I just recently found out that that is actually a symptom of my ptsd. Which was kind of disappointing because it doesn’t change the fact that I still don’t see my living past a few years and honestly I’d rather not. I don’t want to live anymore. I’ve been feeling like that for years and the more time goes on the more intense it feels. I do not see a […]
…made it to work today. It was hard but I tried to call on god, the universe and all the powers that be to get me here. I made it. Can’t focus but I’m here. trying to focus. Trying to get on the right track but I can’t do anything except think about my inner sadness.
I want to break free (just like Freddy mercury) but it’s hard. I break free a bit and then get some things done but then I’m back inside like a boomerang. Today is particularly bad.
My boo gets home tomorrow. maybe she’ll even want to see me. She makes […]
Got totally drunk 2 days ago, have been throwing up ever since then, but today, finally feeling better, I can EAT! And finally sleep without the whole world spinning. Which is good, my mom was starting to think I was pregnant, ha, I’m 16, no thanks. I rather spend my time getting drunk and getting high. When it comes to drinking the first few sips are horrible, but as I get use to it, I start to slam them back. I finished a 6 pack in 2 hours. I would have been even more drunk if I wouldn’t have ran out of beer. Today my […]
Well I’m finally to the point where I’m ready to go. I’ve been a waste of air these past few months anyways. I thought soo much better of you, but as always, you never fail to disappoint. “Did he say anything about not being able to see his son for his Birthday?”. Yeah, I heard all about it like always. Your hurting him the most out of all of us.
But I forgive you, mainly because I have to. I guess a lot has to do with the fact that despite what you’ve done to me, I still love you. Must be unconditional love, who knows. […]
My dad decided to yell and yell an yell and try to hit us all threaten to kill us then kicked us out now we’re back at the house I’m so tired of this if it weren’t for my boyfriend I don’t know what I’d do he is the only thing keeping me here he tries to help me but doesn’t know how I love him I love him so fucking much actual love not that stupid shit I thought was love. I want to get out of here but I can’t until I graduate. I’m moving in with him as soon as he gets […]
I am writing this, mainly to get things out. I have nobody to talk to, and I want to explain my situation before I go.
When I was in primary school, life was okay, how can’t it be when your so young? I was very intelligent, a good kid, never really got into any trouble, and had some friends. When I was 10, I lost my father to a heart attack. This hugely affected my family, which already wasn’t a big family. Each day just walking around the house, I would randomly find my mum crying.
As I was so young, I managed to get past this, […]
going to fail A-levels –> have no opions if i cant get to uni –> dont have a passion to take as a degree –> my two ‘bestfriends’ are now in smitten ‘grown up’ relationships and have abanoned me –> my mum is so depressed she wont accept that i also have depression–> i have so many scars on my body that i will forever be wearing jumpers –> my savings are being used to keep the family house from repossession –>i dont have the motivation to try anymore –> no motivation to live, no motivation to die.
With a new year approaching I can never help but to ponder. Ponder the years gone by and the year to come. I’ve gotta admit for the most part looking back I feel three emotions above all others. Pride, embarrassment and sadness. Pride at coming this far, despite picking out a go date, more than once, despite getting hold of method after method, most painless and most sure fire. Despite every descision I took that screwed my life up I somehow stayed with it. I’m gonna be proud about that if ye don’t mind. And embarrassed at the way I usto be, way back when. […]
I lost my mom (almost) 2 years ago and ever since then every thing about me has changed. I withdraw further and further in and have no interest in staying connected. I feel trapped… I have 4 kids and I couldn’t do that to them. I have thrown myself into my kids activities just to keep busy and my mind silent.
The busy schedule also helps me have an excuse to not hang out with friends. My family, friends and boyfriend think I have an aversion to fun now. It’s not that I do, it’s that I just don’t feel joy anymore. How am I supposed […]
History reapeats as the darkness comes flooding back into my life. I bleed black, for the monster is me. Symbiotic with a world slowly dying, I am everything and nothing. Money makes the man, but nothing gold can stay.