so far im my life i have screw things up!
relationships
friends
parents
family
to them. im just a piece of shit.
i have thought about my suicide again. it stopped but has came back in every way to hurt me.
i thought suicide was just a phase for me of what i was going through when my dad treated me like shit.
now it has came back. and i screwed up again. one of the most important thing to me. the happiest thing i have ever felt. but i screwed it up. and now all i can do is cry and feel like. nothing.
She’s the reason I’m alive… My girlfriend. But it feels like the whole world is trying to keep us apart. When I see her smile, I smile. When I kiss her, the whole world disappears. When I’m with her, I’m at peace. But, no matter what my parents think, my friends think, my family thinks. She’s the reason I’m alive. Another girl broke up with me (before this girl) and I really cared about her. We only lasted a month, but I still cared greatly. When we split, I wanted to die. All those suicidal thoughts I had forgotten about for 3 years, came rushing […]
Hi Guys,
I will be going on a trip this weekend. I will be back on Sunday. I might post on Sunday. We’ll see.
Have a good weekend!
The day we have to be parted
When I don’t have you next to me
The distant between us makes me feel weary and loneliness begins to creep into my heart
But everytime when I hear that song… the song we used to listen together, my heart gets dirtied away
Â
As if I could feel your tender warmth when you were near
Do you know there is this one song… whenever I hear it, I would only think of you
And I don’t know how long it would be till we […]
I am sick of this world. I have so many great things In my life, so many great people but I can’t appreciate them, I can’t even be happy with them, i only cause them pain, so why do I deserve to be here? I see a therapist, he put me on antidepressants and sleeping meds, I hate taking those pills, makes me feel like I’m crazy, everybody asking me how I am, like a child.
My friends are starting to get fed up, they say they arnt but I’m not stupid, I can tell, I am throwing it all away. My family don’t know me […]
A month In a half ago,I almost overdosed on pcp.I smoked two wet sticks by myself.I could’ve stopped on the first one but I didn’t feel high enough.That day I had the truck pretty much all day with my friends getting high,drunk and on wet.My friends and I smoked six wet sticks that day.I was pretty messed up driving and stuff but I could still maintain,even long drives on the freeway that night.I went back to the house.I was cleaning the truck and I saw that my friend left to wet sticks In there so I started to smoke them. After the second one I […]
ok i typed a book here a bit ago, but apparently it was in the wrong place. Â figures.. Â ok breifly now then here is my story so yall can tell me i have so much to live for.
have never completed any thing. Â highschool i got my ged, army i took medical discharge, college went for 1 semester got screwed by student loans and now 7 years later i still owe 3x the original ammountand my tax returns for the last 5 years have been taken to go towards paying them. Â the longest ive ever had the same job is 1year. Â ive been homeless3-9 months out […]
Out of respect, names will be changed for privacy.
yesterday was a horrible day. My mother was the first person (who knew Tom well), to discover Tom’s dead body in his hotel room. My mother and Lisa, a friend of moms who barely knew Tom apart from the occasional light teasing they shared back and forth, searched the city for him after no one had heard from him for a week. The search lead to a small area in a bad neighborhood by two restaurants and a cheap hotel, a waitress at a restaurant he used to frequent took mother to the hotel manager and got […]
Life will be fine. God is with you. Just breathe. I was really suicidal almost 2yrs ago. I was trying all sorts of methods than 1 day i tried a certain method and literally almost passed out. I needed a way to get out of trying to kill myself. One day I was searching online and found this place.I wrote did amyone want to talk because I needed a good friend to vent to and I wanted them to vent back. Guess what? I found my Bestest friend on here! Me and him just connected. It was so akward at first, we would email back […]
A serious suicide attempt is not a cry for help.
It is a cry that started when we emerged from our mother’s wombs. How happy did any of us look then? And the sickening thing, the beaming smiles on the faces of our owners, I mean “parents”. How greedy parents look when that new child emerges. “You are mine”, they cry, “mine forever”. And how the child screams, shrieks and squirms to get away from them, to get away from all of it.  All of it a grotesque, bloody, display of ownership and enslavement; a foreshadowing of what is to come.
A suicide attempt is a cry for freedom from […]
Reaching out but never caught.
In plain sight but never seen.
Screaming for the attention,
the one that will never come.
But if it ever does,
it’s too late;
For I am gone.
Shouting for freedom,
hoping for a savior.
The wind whispers,
of Love…of Acceptance.
Blank faces stare back,
forever judging,
forever laughing.
For I am gone.
No more crying,
please; For me.
No more loneliness,
no more regret.
Darkness…Light,
they both look the same.
For I am gone,
For I am alone.
I tried killing myself on valentines day I took Zoloft (antidepressants) but I only felt like I was going to pass out and my dad found out a few days later when he saw there were no more pills left.He was mad at me and said that what I did was stupid and was kinda yelling at me and said if I went back to the (Lakeside) mental facility that he would just let me stay there.Yesterday I went to the store and got some sleeping pills.Everyone is acting like everything is all my fault like my dad is mad at me for wanting to […]
i’m like the expired never opened bottle of milk standing in the back of the fridge and soon i will meet my demise
I don’t understand
I say when you walked away
I thought you cared
I say when you turned your back on me
Why?
I ask when you don’t turn around
What did I do so bad to make you leave?
I yell when you have walked away
I love you
I whisper
But you never and won’t ever love me
I sit down and cry
You were there for me when no one else was
I am completely shocked
Wish you were here
I sigh and pick myself up
But you never were
I cut one more time
You were never really there
There are no miracles; I can’t get through this storm.
I can’t even leave my house (again) to do anything useful today. I am totally useless (completely). Perpetual limbo on repeat- between a dead life and death.
I’m that blue (brown) eyed whore. I am that little girl. I am her. There’s no one to help me through this storm.
Here is PJ Harvey on Autoharp, lovely version of Down by the Water.
I lost my heart
Under the bridge
To that little girl
So much to me
And now I moan
And now I holler
She’ll never know
Just what I found
That blue eyed girl
She said […]
Heard a song on the radio earlier, the lyrics were – ‘i want to get away, i want to fly away’
It made me think, how many of us want to just get away from it all, i know i do everyday. Just to leave all the pain and sadness  and never look back.
I suppose it’s a nice dream for when things get dark.
So there’s this girl, she always felt lost and alone in this big world. It seemed like nothing would ever go right. She doesn’t know who her dad is and her mom only cared about the next guy in line to be with. She seen her mom go thru hell and back. She helped her mom thru all her drug addictions but it seemed like no matter what she did she could never get her mother’s love. When she was young her mom dropped her off at her ex husbands house cause she couldn’t take care of her and she thought it was the best […]
i cant do this anymore. i cant keep holding back all these tears. i cant do it anymore. but idk why im even still even here still.
please let it stop.
Hello everyone, I’m back again. This time I couldn’t make it to the imagenary two week line, rather I crashed down hard yesterday after I came home from the University and needless to say the thoughts were back once more stronger than ever. I’m not willing to give up but I feel like a vent is in order and who knows maybe it’ll give you people a small crumb in getting forward.
So how did it start this time? I suppose the first surfacing of the emotion of not wanting to be on this planet, in these shoes or life came the last Saturday. I felt […]
Today  I started cutting again (well actually last night). Its like I needed the pain again. Also I’ve researched about suicide methods. I really can’t handle what life requires me to do.
School sucks and I did something horrible that’s probably never gonna get fixed. Even though theres like 10 days left of school I really want it to be over. Maybe its just not for me. I hate being pressured to be something perfect