So this is life. multidimensional, multilevelled. trying to make one thing better only disrupts some other. is it a balance? I wander my thoughts here, and voila! it lightens up, showing me itself, opening its ways and paths, lightening my future. then somethings happens. my thoughts wander to some other thing (they are no longer in my control…i am in control of them). what is it? its bad memory or view of my past. it also lightens up (against my wish) and shows itself. a barrier in path. it slanders my previous thought and all emotions attached to it. now why isn’t this new thought […]
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Bad Memory
So i decided to share my suicide story with you. Â I am 26 year old male from Europe. I had on-off strong suicide thoughts since my early teenage years. I hate myself a lot. i don’t think i should live on.
The reason for that is that i always end up in some really bad, shitty situations. Mostly due myself and my own stupidity, Â laziness or my weak character. I mostly live from one emotional disaster to an other, some shit always happens to me, and i freak out and can’t take it easy. And i effect people around me, a lot of people got […]
Am I going insane? This is tearring me apart? Everytime I recall a bad memory I jerk around and twitch. Other times I will lose control and start hitting myself or choking myself. Yesterday I recalled something and blacked out for a few seconds. When I regained control my hand was holding a knife to my chest so that the tip was hovering over my heart. I don’t know how much longer I can deal with this and my parents. Can someone please help me?
please?
Every bad memory is replaying.
Replaying in my mind.
Over and over and over.
Like my mind is set on rewind.
Like my mind is set on repeat.
Why can’t these terrible memories just go away?
These memories are destroying me.
They are breaking me down.
They are making me weak.
Making me hurt.
Making my whole body ache.
I want to push the eject button.
I want it all to disappear.
i almost fully had the will to continue on living..then i go to a friends house and her sister tells me she is tryin to split my bf and i by telling my parents im still secretly dating him. my parents find out; i wont have internet access at all! let alone my bf? i cant live without him, hes half the reason im still alive and if i lose internet access il lose the other half, i cant let that happen…but if she does tell she has no proof. haha jokes on her now but still freaking i just might lose everyone close to […]
I just wrote an angry hate letter to basically the whole ‘class of 2012’ at my school that I will never send. It was supposed to make me feel better, but came out more like a suicide note so I don’t know what that indicates… I am quite pleased with the closing line, though:
“Just know that actions have consequences and you have managed to massively dent one person’s faith in humanity and that is unimaginably dangerous and now too late.”
Writing that letter did make me wonder who at that hell of a school would care if I went through with it, if this subconscious […]
Well- this is harder than initially thought.
How do you attempt to explain something you’re not sure of ?
If I were to guess at what stage triggered my feelings today, I would say childhood. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, maybe a handful of events all in all. Why this is I don’t know, repressed memories, perhaps ? Bad memory, more likely?
I am in no way saying I had a bad childhood. I know my parents loved me, although I don’t think my mother was ready for children, still don’t.Â
I am 20 years old and deeply confused. When I was around 12 […]
i don’t know why i decided that writing everything down was a good idea. let along on the internet. i guess on here nobody knows who i am and its not somewhere where somebody from my end can find it.
i am a selfharmer/suicidal. have been since i was about 16. i am now nearly 20. it started when my bestfriend died in a car accident. i started self distructing a couple months later. i could not get over her death. then somebudy noticed, a teacher, he threatened to go to the school welfare co-ordinator unless i talked to him. so i chose to talk to […]
For the past year, the past fucking year, this guy and I have been trying to hang out to try to get back together. Our plans have never really work out but at least we keep trying. He’s always been an on and off douche though. He’ll say he wants to be together then the next week he never texts me. I don’t know why I keep trying to get back together with him though.
Today though, I learned he made out with a girl over memorial weekend. To make it even better, I already hate this girl cause she made my friend and her boyfriend […]