Welp the last time that I cut myself was basically 2 weeks ago (the last time I posted) it was much worse than normal…… it actually scared me they were not just deeper than normal but longer than normal, a few were still bleeding 3 days later…… So a few days after that I finally found my way into my school’s counselors office, it went better than expected…… I never told her exactly what was happening, but she sent me over to the crisis response unit (since she gathered that I at least had thoughts of causing myself harm) that was a terrifying experience…… However I […]
Do you have abnormally bad luck? Do bad things always seem to happen to you? Do you feel cursed?
I do. I feel as if the universe is trying to screw me over, bc no matter what I do, no matter what I don’t do, no matter what choices I make, bad shit happens to me, and I can’t fucking escape it. I thought I could. But after so many decades, I’ve lost hope that “things will get better.”
🙁 Life sucks….
My life up to now has been nothing but crap….. Superficial, fake, and just tiring. I’ve grown tired of having to fake how i feel just to cope with family and friends and life in general when inside i feel the opposite of what i’m faking. I was told that if you worked hard you do anything. That nothing was impossible… To only find out that i was being lied to. Everyone else acts like life is great when it really isn’t… They blind themselves from the thought that there really is no point to it. Anyways i was wondering how could i […]
…and it made me want to commit suicide. yes, it was that bad that i have lost all faith in art, theatre, and humanity.
i applied two of my plays to this playwriting competition this year and last year, and got rejected both times. it sucked. last year, i was not able to see the final plays, but tonight i watched this year’s plays.
what. dreck.
the first play was kind of witty, making fun of crappy community college theatre that is up its own butt, poorly written and poorly acted.
the next 2 hours was basically…all the plays the first play was making fun of.
it was awful. i […]
Does anyone know of a website of failed suicide attempts consequences? I want to know what may happen if you cut your throat and survive. Is it a bad methd to try?
This month, I was a victim of abuse. Twice. No, not “use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse”, it’s “treat with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly”. I’ve been abused many times now, but I think this month is the worst.
Abuse story 1:
So, one day I was in class, didn’t finish my work, so I was supposed to stay back for recess, but I didn’t want to. The teacher dragged my collar (I was about 3-5 meters away from the class when this happened) all the way to the classroom door, and threw me. I hit something, so I got […]
I don’t have the date exactly set, and I’ve only just begun physically drafting the note, after going over it in my head for years. I’m just done. This isn’t out of desperation, fear, etc, I’ve simply made my choice. One I’ve been wrestling with for years. Its too bad though, it was going to be so peaceful and relaxed and no one I care about would have to be the one to find me, but, its most likely not going to work out like that anymore. It doesn’t matter, I’ve made my choice. I may yet decide to postpone the date, but I’m feeling […]
There is nothing wrong with my life. Everything is perfect. But I am feeling so down, so sick, so bad.
I am so scare of failing my suicide attempt. I can’t move. I wont try it, I know it, and I hate it.
I am scared of men, I am scared of women too, I hate living. And yet, everything is going as each and every little thing should go. People are nice and everything is ok. Except my head.
I wish I was different in a deep unconscious way. But there is this part of me that’s rotten and that I can’t heal. I don’t know why. […]
Is it so bad that i want to ended all. I mean who will even miss me? Not my family i know that for sure. but then why is it that every time i try it it feels like if i was doing something bad? I wish i had the courage of doing it. If i ever have the courage i hope the pain goes away immediately. I talked to my mom the other day and like always she just said it was my fault. I don’t know why i even picked up. Its always the same story with her. I shouldn’t allow hope, its […]
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
I went to visit someone that has been helping my mom. My mother respects this woman very much, because she sais she had been feeling a lot better ever since she’s been talking with her. So I made an appointment and I told this woman about my situation, she said a few things that sounded reasonable but at some point, while I was talking, she stoped me and told me I have been a cheap w*hor*e all this time, she said that it is what I am, that even if I was doing it without concious, all the same that was what I am behaving […]
Suicide runs in the family. Dad killed himself almost 8 years ago, then my cousin who most identified with did the same a year later.
I know have had some form of bi-polar with major depressive episodes throughout life, and for sure major anxiety, but somehow have always been able to pull through when times got bad.
I have faced the darkness and abyss of just wanting to die and slowly pulled myself out of it, maybe it was easier back then, being younger, in college, more involved in people’s lives, my mother still cognizant and father still alive.
Mom has alzheimers now, I uprooted […]
I was on the brink of turning to self harm once again for the second time this week (I’ve been trying extremely hard not to only because warmer seasons are coming up and its annoying when I get weird looks from people -.-) and i noticed how many fucking razor blades i have………..35…..idk…..i have a ton…..o-o…is this bad?? I know i need help but i just don’t want to get any let alone make my parents even more angry at me because they have to pay for therapy for their worthless little daughter.
I have quitsmoking and drinking so i can b baptised. But everything is so fucked. I have zero hope. Zero desire. I dont even know if God exists. If he does y doesnt he intervene? Answer prayer? My son is probably schitzophrenic. I have tried to help him. Its impossible to get good metal health help. Only bad people succeed. Doing good gets me know where. I have 7 kids. My oldest is a witch to me and abuses me verbally and emotionally because her childhood was shit. If i olan something its fails. If i try i dont succeed. I just wish i would […]
So why does that strange feeling of loneliness is so powerful and confusing?
Lots of people here relate to it.
But sometimes we can be alone and by ourselves without it hurting us, without it even matter.
And then agaim we can be surrounded by people and yet feel we are doomed by the solitude inside us.
What is it all about? How can it make us feel so bad, so wrong, so worthless?
Around the time of high school my life was so miserable. I couldnt make any friends and i felt useless. I didnt feel like i would amount to anything. I dont even remeber how old i was exactly i just remeber being in my room deciding suicide was the best option. Since im a christian (whether you believe or not. The fact is i do hence why i thought the way i did) i figured heaven would be a more prefered place to live. Besides i had no special talent her on this terrible planet. My grades were always bad. Learning things was always difficult […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I have a very severe case of Body Dysmorphia Disorder. Which makes life so difficult for me. And it has only gotten worse. Going into work every single day, knowing people are looking at me, and thinking how hideous i am. It hurts me so so bad. I actually feel bad for the people that look at me. Because of that, nobody ever wants to talk to me, or hang out with me. There is a girl that is required to sit next to me, and she is constantly complaining about that. But I actually feel bad that she has to sit next to me.I […]
Its been awhile probably because I’ve been happy and getting good help. But now some bad decisions on my part has triggered my depression bad. I’m trying not to think suicidal but i am going to cut so I won’t. I was 2 months clean. I hate my life.
Is there ever really a perfect time to do it? I think we all wait till things get so bad that we completely run out of resources and patience – and then we do it. I always thought that’s how things are. That’s what I learned suicide is – running out of the resources to cope.
But what if I am at that point? All I think about is suicide. All I want is death. I have nothing to live for. I have recently run out of every reason to live. The one person that gave me hope for a future, gave me reason to believe […]