I am scared. Scared that I will not be enough. That something bad will happen to the ones I love. Scared that cant protect them. That I am a fraud. That I will never be enough.
Scared that I will never be what I want to be, because I am too scared to embrace it.
I have everything I have every wanted, and I am so afraid that the world will take it from me, that I cannot enjoy it.
Fear is ruining my life.
Ive gotten to the point where i dont really feel bad for a number of things. I still feel in the ‘wrong’ on a social stance because i feel that i might be lacking empathy and well thats my own self analysis. Im entitle to it right? I do feel at times im horrible, a monster it would be better to burn my bridges than to subject those who still care to my ups and downs. But then they’re also choosing to stick around when they know how bad things can get with me.
Things have never felt or seemed so clear before. A lot […]
I hate everything and everyone. It’s as simple as that. I do have friends and a boyfriend and I should be thinking about how they would feel. I just don’t. I feel like it’s all temporary, none of them are here for the long run. I feel like I’m in this alone so what’s the point of waiting until I’m actually alone? They leave me out and I’m pretty sure my boyfriend will break up with me any day now. I’m so ready for either a new start or the end. Both sound great. I just can’t live here or deal with any of these […]
Today’s just been horrible.
I always say to myself that I don’t think I could kill myself because of how my family would feel, but today I really couldn’t care less. Not a lot to say, but today I realized something I didn’t realize before
I am definitely, 100% sure that at some point I’ll take my own life.
Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow,
but soon.
-V
i feel awful when I’m alone i feel like no one loves me or wants to be around me. which is probably true, i mean people just don’t like me. idk why I’m always nice maybe ill tell some bad jokes that aren’t funny sometimes but the good jokes come a lot more often than the bad. Maybe I’m not the coolest guy ever but people love me when we’re drunk i guess because its easy when neither of you can follow in conversation and just say whatever pops into our heads. but i guess my deep seeded hatred of myself comes from my inability to be […]
I question myself everyday and wonder why I’m still here. I struggle with depression. Went from a really bad relationship to an even worst one. I feel lonely in this world and I can’t seem to find myself. At times I feel like I’m completely alone in this world. I feel betrayed by the ones I love the most. I question why is it that those people hurt us the most and don’t seem to care. I think I’m just going insane to the point were I want to commit suicide.
where to begin?? well it started 7 years ago when I just left foster care. my life was great I was in high school at the time and I was looking at a bright future. but it went down hill because my feeling of loneliness was getting to me . I felt like I had nobody. my best friend at the time was gone from my life and everyone I thought were friends just shitted on me. I felt ignored. as a teenager dealing with depression and having to develop psychotic depression really really can screw with your mind. my first thought of suicide was […]
I’m contemplating, stewing, thinking, and I can’t see any exits. I’m poor; well-educated (I have two Bachelor’s degrees in different fields) but not in the right fields, too old to retrain in a new field, and crushed beneath a depression that I can’t get out from under. Soon I’ll be evicted, and my car will be repossessed; I’m in arrears on both, despite working every day. I can’t afford my anti-depressant medication. I can’t afford therapy. I’m divorced, have been for a while, and haven’t been on a date in years (not for lack of trying, but I’m a bit heavy, and I have the […]
I hate myself I can’t take being alone it’s sad…really! I work out but I can’t get abs I’m nice to people but they treat me like shit I treat the women I’m with like gold but they treat me like dirt I can’t talk to women I buy affection from strippers in the form of $30 topless dances. I have bad social anxiety I say stupid shit that’s meant to be funny and when nobody laughs I double down and run my mouth… […]
so I fucked up my AS levels pretty bad, can find and reason to carry on my A2 courses. Who the hell picks physics, 3D product design and maths anyway? ( plus I’m female so literally all guys in my classes) I wont be happy with my body till its just skin and bones, and since I’m naturally short and stout that wont happen. don’t want to be pathetic but I literally feel nothing for anyone even though I crave physical contact ( major mummy and daddy issues ) have no career prospects as literally nothing but my morning fag will get me out of […]
I have bad anxiety and suffer from depression. I don’t know why God has chosen this life for me. I want out of this life but I know it’ll greatly impact the people around me. I worry mostly about my mom and my siblings because I know they’ll be affected the most. But I’m tired of taking everyone into consideration I’m not happy and I want out! I’m tired of waking up and faking a smile just to make other people think that I’m okay when I’m really suffering inside. Today I was going to drown myself and just as I get ready to step […]
After stating nearly a month ago that I wanted to participate in this community more, I’ve been silent. Part of it, I’m only slightly ashamed to admit, is damage to my ego: for some odd reason, I thought people would care more. That’s not supposed to an accusation against you, please understand: it’s just me overestimating my value. Overestimating myself has happened more often than I’d like.
Regardless, the majority reason I didn’t follow through on coming around here more is that my mood rebounded. September 2015 has gone really well for me: pretty much everything has broken my way, starting with getting closure on a […]
I hate it so bad. Somebody kill me. I don’t think I can love. I’m such a horrible person. I feel like crying every minute of my life, but I don’t want to.
I dont know when will this end, I have the feeling of emptiness, i dont talk, interact, think, i usually sit infront of the computer and just do nothing (because ive done every thing that could be done on a computer) i hate people, i hate my self, i hate society, even when i do drugs i have bad experiences (the high doesnt make me happy i just think of how bad my life turned to be), i am a 24 year old, i have an architecture degree ( though i hate engineering), and im living in a country where i have to join the army obligatory, […]
I’m new here..and I just desperately need to type this out with the anonymity that comes with the internet. I’m so..very tired. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Since I was little..maybe 7 I became withdrawn. Depression rose and finally last year when I was 24 I finally collapsed when the anxiety decided to come out full blown. My mother took to immediate care once she found me 4 times curled up sobbing for no reason. By that time I had taken off work, my grades were garbage, I had stopped eating, stopped everything but lay in bed and cry. My father says it’s in my […]
Today I was moved from CBT to Counselling, is this seen as a good or a bad transition?
I am too depressed to do anything, I can’t get any homework done because im too depressed, I just look at dead girls on the internet and masturbate, then I suffocate myself and masturbate, then I cry and punch the walls, then I go to sleep. And at school Im too depressed to focus on my work, No one understands how I feel, I already trusted someone before and now even if people know about my depression it just makes things worse
I tried to write something meaningful, but my head hurts so fucking bad that I’m afraid I must retire for the night. Goodnight everyone. Sleep well if you can.
On Friday night I overdosed on burpion, this time I didn’t even mean to. I thought I ran out of my 350mg so I took 4 150mg to equal it to 450mg. Instead I took 4 350mg. As soon as I found out I did that I was having a panic attack. I didn’t want to tell anyone, I didn’t want to bother anyone and I felt like I would get yelled at. So I just went into my living room and watched some YouTube videos. After 2 hours of waiting I finally felt the side effects. I felt like I could not breathe, my […]
i was ok yesterday, then i woke up this morning. i wish i could go back and stay there. i dont care if i was in a bad place then i still felt good i didnt want to do anything bad. i really should not have been born. i was a mistake. i literally cant do anything without someone hating me for it, especially now. almost every person i come into contact with hates me. everyone talks about me behind my back but they never say anything to my face. i get fucked over all the time just because. for the past year ive had […]
Please log in to report posts